Arsenal - Into The Valley

[Bernard's briefs]

HI folks

I was about to go to bed thinking I'd mail this out tomorrow as I am still
recovering from a bleary eyed week watching baseball right through most
nights. I've never before had an interest in North American sports but it
didn¹t take long for me to catch the baseball bug in spite of the mind
numbingly annoying, statistically obsessed commentary. Come Saturday I was
so exhausted that it was almost a relief when the Florida Marlins won the
sixth game to take the series 4-2 (beating the New York Yankees in the World
Series! World Series indeed, it almost makes the Rugby World Cup look
legitimate!) thereby avoiding a seventh game and saving me from a seventh
night with almost no sleep.

However it occurred to me that we are playing Rotherham in the Carling Cup
tomorrow evening and what with having to play shuffle car on a match day
(where, without match day parking permits we have to move the cars across
Green Lanes into Haringey - at least that is until they introduce permits
over there which will happen eventually and then we¹ll probably end up
having to drive to all the way to my Mum's in Edgware to avoid a matchday
parking ticket :-)!!), it occurred to me that if I don¹t get it out now, it
won¹t go until after the game when I might have a whole new piece to write!

I¹ve heard that the likes of Stephen Bradley and David Bentley are not
included in Tuesday's squad and I have to assume they are injured, since
Wenger himself said he was looking forward to another chance to watch
Bentley. Hopefully however the Brady Bunch will still do us and themselves
proud because Rotherham will be bang up for it, since a trip to the plush
surroundings of the famous Marble Halls is like a Cup Final for them.

Moreover the youngsters are already under intense pressure because they know
full well that this competition might be their solitary chance to impress
all season long and an early exit might see them slip back into obscurity
for another year, perhaps having to go out on loan with all the others to
get a chance to prove themselves

I always look forward to this competition. Even if it doesn¹t present an
away tie and an opportunity to tick another club off the list of those I
have yet to visit (Rotherham would have been good), the fact that the
competition isn¹t included in our season tickets means that we get a rare
chance to sit elsewhere at THOF. I would have preferred the Clock End
because the proximity to the away fans at least guarantees a bit of banter.
However when I bought our ten quid tickets (now that¹s a far more realistic
fee for our footie fancy than the sixty pound seats in the West Upper) they
told me in the Box Office that Rotherham had taken the entire Clock End

Others have suggested that their were able to buy their seats in the Clock
End so perhaps this is not entirely true but whatever the case, it looks
like Rotherham will be bringing a fairly substantial crowd (I think I heard
that they took 3,500 tickets)

Meanwhile on Sunday we paid a pricy 35 quid to sit in ridiculously crowded
conditions behind the goal. Personally I think such close seating is just as
dangerous as any standing terrace, since in an emergency people would be
dropping like flies as they fell over one another due to the sort of leg
room between rows which makes even Ryan Air's seating arrangements appear
positively luxurious. I have a fairly slight build but still found it so
cramped that I had to ask six seats either side every time I wanted to light
a fag (and pity the poor people beside me who must have passive smoked a
pack themselves!). So heaven only knows how all those with their substantial
beer bellies managed to squeeze in there for ninety minutes. It can¹t
exactly have been comfortable.

In fact one fans discomfort was such that they almost departed this mortal
coil. It¹s Millwall whose fans usually offer alternative transport away from
their ground and perhaps this person mistook the Valley, because after an
apparent coronary they ended up 'going home in a London ambulance'. It was
obvious something was afoot when some police activity at the back of the
stand had everyone standing up to see what was going on behind them instead
of watching the match. Much in the same way as a crowd gathers quickly
around the bloke who stands in the street looking up at the sky, only one
person has to stand up and turn around and sheep like supporters all follow
for fear they might be missing something.

Just before the final whistle the stadium announcer confirmed a medical
emergency, as he requested that Gooners in the upper tier turn left on their
way out. This was because an ambulance was blocking the usual exit. I
sincerely hope that this particular Gooner is now on the mend but the
experience might serve as a reminder that a few more of us could do with
heart checks, in a season that might well come with a government health
warning.

When Jens Lehmann arrived we heard tell that he was prone to taking leave of
his senses on the odd occasion, as Jens ably demonstrated in Kiev. With a
goalie capable of (hopefully rare!) instances of lunacy, Vieira out for at
least three weeks and a squad which is bound to come down to the barest of
bones before too long, we Gooners are virtually guaranteed some heart
stopping incidents at some time soon. I only hope they don¹t include an
injury of any sort to Henry because right at this moment, an Arsenal side
without Henry is too horrific to contemplate!

I¹ve done my best to pay Titi his dues below but words hardly do justice to
a talent so special, one feels a frisson amongst us Gooners every time he
gets the ball at his feet When Parlour went down, we all thought it was a
little too close to goal for Henry to conjure up a typical corker, but a
free kick which was one of his best yet was merely justice for the wicked
attempt a few minutes earlier, with his Oweaker¹ left foot, which rattled
off the post. I have to admit that I enjoyed immensely Henry's interview on
Saturday¹s Football Focus. Ray Stubbs might have taken the mickey out of his
French accent and Henry might have merely been playing to the awestruck
Gooner gallery but to hear Titi tell the world ³I¹m a Gooner² and as such he
has no plans to go anywhere else whatsoever was music to my ears and a
fillip for Arsenal fans everywhere.

Sure should he eventually decide to maximize his earning potential with a
lucrative move to Madrid (or heaven forfend the Kings Road massive), no one
can really blame him and he¹ll prove that this pledge of allegiance is
nothing more than mere badge kissing baloney. Nevertheless I am more than
satisfied that so long as he continues to wear the Arsenal shirt, whilst
Titi is running his socks of for the cause he demonstrates as much pride in
the red & white traditions as those of us on the terraces

Which was in poignant contrast to Robbie Pires who looked rather crestfallen
on Sunday when he realized that he wasn¹t going to be the recipient of 15
minutes in the showers to shampoo his barnet and ³faire du toilette¹ before
the final whistle. I feel somewhat guilty about laying into Pires so
frequently but I happened to have Dartagnan¹s mush in my binoculars as the
board was held up with the substitutes numbers on it and I'd spent the
previous 75 minutes overhearing such comments as 'there's only one winner
there' as Robbie made frequent, far too familiar, halfhearted attempts to
compete for a ball with an opponent.

Perhaps I imagined it,. but I could have sworn he was about to trot off
prematurely, until it dawned on him that it was Dennis and Freddie who were
being replaced. I have a feeling that Dennis would have been happy to remain
on the pitch and prove Wenger right in selecting him, by perhaps
contributing to the crucial move which might have earned us all three
points. Whereas it was evident in Pires' disappointment that he was hoping
his work was done for the day!

It was interesting to hear the Radio Five commentary team castigating the
Arsenal players who crowded round ref Dunn to protest about the penalty when
they completely ignored the Charlton players who were doing little different
some moments later to register their objections about a booking for one of
their lot. But then to hear Alan Green, one would think that the Arsenal
were the only team guilty of expressing their emotions in such a pointless
fashion. I¹ve yet to see the bunch of football players who are capable of
intimidating the officials to the point where they relent on their decision.
Otherwise we would be singing 'whose the righteous individual in the black'!

Watching Di Canio's penalty party trick, it occurred to me that our German
goalie might not have seen the videos. Because Lehmann appears to be the
sort of loony who might just risk making himself a laughing stock by
standing still and waiting for Di Canio's gentle chip to land in his arms. I
look forward to the day when Di Canio takes one penalty too many and a
goalie makes a right monkey out of him for a change.

Meanwhile forgive me if I am wrong but I¹ve watched as many post-match
interviews with Wenger as possible and read all the quotes I could find. Yet
I have still to come across a single one where Wenger has been quite so
crass as to accuse Holland of diving. I can¹t imagine how frustrating it
must be when he goes out of his way to be fairly diplomatic, only to find
that in the media the following morning Arsène is being portrayed as a
hypocrite. Wenger simply stated the truth as far as his own player was
concerned, that there was hardly any contact and that he didn¹t think it was
a penalty. He¹d have to be as dim as some of those responsible for the
headlines to denigrate Mattie Holland for diving after witnessing so many
slow motion replays of Pires' sinful portrayal of a swallow only the other
week.

[Bernard's briefs]

What¹s more Charlton¹s penalty on Sunday was the sort of punishment which
only serves to confirm my feelings about karma and that what goes around
comes around. And yet if this was a constant truth, the bloke sitting in
front of us must have spent the remainder of Sunday afternoon in the karsey.

I can¹t recall if I have ever savoured the delights of one of Charlton¹s
OPukka Pies¹ but I was sorely tempted on Sunday. I would have doubtless
tasted this South London delicacy if I¹d been sufficiently hungry to spend
the entire first-half struggling to extricate myself from the very midst of
a row so congested that one would literally have to be starving to want to
wriggle out of there. However I was evidently hungry enough to be aware of
the savoury smell wafting up every time the bloke in front tore into the
packaging of yet another meat pie, devouring it with the gusto of a dog with
worms (now there¹s an appetite suppressing image!). It wasn¹t just the lack
of elbow room which ensured this feller¹s eating disorder caught my
attention but the fact that in such cramped conditions I haven¹t a clue how
he managed to consume a single pie without the entire contents ending up in
his lap, let alone half a dozen.

So in the event that you should find my subsequent deliberations about our
disastrous European adventures less than enlightening, the reading of this
lengthy missive won't be a total loss because at least you will know 'Who
ate all the pies' :-) !!

Still top of one league :-)
Peace & Love
Bernard

[Bernard's briefs]

Into The Valley

I am often told that the Irish equivalent is a far more informative
programme than Des and his panel of pundit dunces on ITV¹s flagship Saturday
night football show. I am sure that the majority of football fans are
looking forward to the eventual return of Match Of The Day, as a much missed
old friend. Although even if God almighty was making a simultaneous
appearance on Parkinson on the Beeb, doubtless I would still find myself
drawn to the taciturn deliberations of Townsend, McCoist and co., leaving
proof positive of a higher power to later viewing on the video.

The Arsenal¹s recent efforts to reduce their wage bill has ensured that
we¹ve become even more interested observers than usual. While our own game
at the Valley was Sunday¹s pay-per-view offering, the Premiership programme
the previous night provided us with an opportunity to appraise Moritz Volz
marauding down Fulham¹s right flank against Man Utd. In the subsequent
highlights of Leeds v Liverpool we were able to witness the wingcraft of
Jermaine Pennant. I wonder whether Peter Reid will pick Pennant to play
against us at Elland Road this Saturday. Talk about a conflict of interest.
I am sure instinct will govern Pennant¹s actions but it would hardly be the
best career move for the youngster to create or even score a goal against
the club which currently holds his contract

When questioned at the AGM about the lack of first-team prospects for
our most promising youngsters, Arsène Wenger opined that over the course of
an entire season the inexperience of youth would inevitably cost a club a
certain number of points. It would therefore seem sensible to let them hone
their craft at the highest level, as our competitors pay the price both in
terms of their income and the cost of the odd probable error. Yet as happy
as I am that the Volz and Pennant might have several opportunities to help
the Arsenal¹s cause in their performances for their current clubs against
our immediate competitors, there is no disguising the fact that their
absence deteriorates the depressing lack of strength in depth in the Arsenal
squad.

Despite the fact that fortune played a considerable part in the
continuation of a catastrophic Champions League campaign in Kiev, the
Arsenal¹s recent woeful European record ensured a week of media bewilderment
over this apparent chink in Wenger¹s tactical armour. I in no way wish to
belittle our learned leader. In fact I bow to a knowledge so great it makes
many in the game appear no more qualified as management material than the
very important Ma who washes the Sunday team¹s kit. Nevertheless the more
years I spend watching football, the more convinced I am that it is in
essence a simple sport.

In my humble opinion the Arsenal¹s European malaise is not a matter of a
lack of confidence, or naive tactical limitations. No to the contrary, I
believe the World and European Cup Winners in the Arsenal camp approach
matches against the likes of Kiev and Moscow far too certain that their
class will out. As a consequence their efforts often lack the sort of
intensity which is more common in Premiership football, where certain clubs
constantly compensate for the limitations in their abilities with their work
rate.

It seems as though some play on autopilot and are only stirred from
their reverie and begin to roll up their sleeves once they¹ve surrendered
the lead. I sat here tearing my hear out last Tuesday as I watched them lay
siege to Kiev¹s goal for the last twenty minutes, wondering why they
couldn¹t produce such a concerted effort at the beginning of the game before
they were two goals behind.

Moreover, as was evident in our increased effort only after going a goal
down at the Valley on Sunday, this problem is also prevalent in the
Premiership. Perhaps we are lacking a more vocal leader, someone capable of
stoking the fire in their bellies. Many of us are pleasantly surprised that
we continue to retain the top spot. Since we are some way from producing
championship winning performances our success must be in no small part due
to the spirit fostered in a stable squad.

However I definitely get the sense that we are suffering from the lack
of competition for places, as some players appear far too comfortable with a
first-team place which is virtually guaranteed. I certainly wouldn¹t
advocate the chopping and changing of the Chelsea model where there are
almost 3 players competing for every place in the team. But I believe there
are those who might benefit if Arsène introduced a little insecurity into
our squad¹s cozy lives.

I felt a little vulnerable myself about visiting the Valley on Sunday.
It was nowt to do with the outcome of the match. Although few North
Londoners fancy foraging for the passport necessary for schlep to the less
than salubrious South London, I always look forward to playing at Charlton.
In the shadow of the Millennium Dome, just on the other side of the
Blackwall Tunnel, it¹s only just Osarf¹ of the river Thames and such a short
trip that it¹s almost a home game.

There¹s no mistaking the friendly, family atmosphere at the Valley which
is in complete contrast to the extremely hostile environment of their nearby
neighbours at the New Den. My mate Mick, a recent émigré to Athlone was back
in London and decided to take Ro¹s place at the last minute. He enlightened
me about a pedestrian tunnel in the vicinity which runs from the Isle of
Dogs. Anyone mad enough to walk through when Millwall are playing at home is
apparently putting themselves in mortal danger. Whereas thankfully there
isn¹t a psychopath in a surgical face mask to be seen amongst all the
elderly women, kids and families supporting Charlton.

My trepidation was ticket related. The Arsenal¹s financial plight and
the boardroom rift resulted in a working environment which my mate in the
box office no longer enjoyed. I have always collected my away tickets in
person but since his shock departure in the summer, tickets for two of the
five away games have been gone astray in the post with a sticker on the
envelope addressed to ODo Not Send¹! I am not sure whether it¹s a result of
stupidity or a concerted effort to get me pissed off that I relent and risk
the post like everyone else, rather than continue bothering the Obeautiful¹
box office staff (twelve years of schmoozing my mate to point where I
assumed we¹d eventually be in clover when he became box office manager and I
have to begin brown-nosing from the bottom again!!)

Unlike Man City, at least I didn¹t have to fret for a couple of hundred
miles without tickets in my sweaty mitts. Besides after an extra hour in bed
to dally with my dream of last season¹s 0-3 slaughter embracing some of the
most swashbuckling footie ever seen and in perfect footballing weather, with
the sun sparkling in a bright blue sky of a typically brisk Autumnal day,
even my standard pessimism was a struggle. Never fear, it took just a few
storm clouds and the realization that the Arsenal continue to be totally
reliant on Thierry Henry before my mood soon matched the rapidly mutable
meteorology.

Thank heavens for Henry. I might be an unbeliever but it doesn¹t stop me
going to bed every night, praying for Titi¹s well-being. There is another
footballer who is quite so enthralling as Henry. It is not just what he can
do with a ball which makes his efforts worth the price of admission alone.
Even super skillful players like Pires and Ljungberg adopt a somewhat
scuttling gait when running with a ball at their feet. Whereas Titi has this
ease of movement, eating up the ground without appearing to expend any
energy and with a certain grace that is football played as ballet.

There was entertainment enough that no-one would have dropped off like
the dozing fan at White Hart Lane. Yet the rather fulsome match reports
result from the fact that the Arsenal have flattered to deceive all season
long. Until the likes of Pires, Wiltord and Ljungberg start earning their
corn by weighing in with a worthwhile contribution, the Arsenal will
continue to perform like a misfiring V12 engine, unable to unleash our
wicked acceleration. However it is encouraging that we remain ahead of our
domestic rivals despite the fact that we aren¹t firing on all cylinders (as
yet!). I will wait to see how we get on against Kiev before deciding whether
it is worth booking a hotel in Milan. Although if I'm hedging my bets, it¹s
certainly not because I have given up the Gunners Champions League ghost.