Post by Salem6 on Nov 19, 2005 9:58:56 GMT
The Fiver
18 November 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Mutual Consent; and Not The Best
* * * * * * * * * * * *
KEANE WALKS AWAY FROM OLD TRAFFORD
Shortly before 12.30pm this afternoon, Sir Alex Ferguson paid tribute
to Roy Keane, calling him: "The best midfield player in the world of
his generation ... and one of the great figures in our club's
illustrious history". His captain quickly returned the compliment,
praising Fergie as a "great manager". It was like old times. Except
that Keane had just left Old Trafford for the final time by,
according to a hastily-typed club statement, "mutual consent".
Mutual consent - now there are two words to make the Fiver's
'something's-fishy-here' antenna twitch like Bob Nudd's line over a
king-size carp. And the story we've heard from our Irish cousin Theme
Pub O'Fiver - namely that Keane had a blazing row with Ferguson after
being told he wasn't needed for a reserve match, and was then
stripped of the captaincy - sounds a lot more plausible than the pair
agreeing on a friendly parting of the ways 11 games into the
Premiership season.
"It's been a great honour and privilege for me to play for [the Glazer
Sox] for over 12 years," admitted Keane, who surely should have won a
shiny world or European player of the year gong to go with his other
medals. "At all times I have endeavoured to do my best for the
management and the team. While it is a sad day for me to leave such a
great club and manager I believe that the time has now come for me to
move on."
Keane's severance package, agreed by his agent Michael Kennedy this
morning, allows him to join another club at his leisure to - in the
club's words - "secure his playing career beyond what would have been
the end of his contract at [the Sox] in the summer". And while
Portsmouth have expressed an interest, don't expect Keane to end up
at Highbury. "It looked like he was a bit upset recently," chuckled
Arsene Wenger with a glint in his eye. "Why, I don't know. He won't
be joining us. We have put our confidence in our players." Unlike
Ferguson in Keane, then.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"There is a long way to go this season, and a lot to work towards, but
if you were to ask me my target then the answer would be simple: to
win the next game against Portsmouth" - after last season's shock Big
Cup victory, Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez outlines his lofty
ambitions for the remainder of this campaign.
*********************
GEORGE NOT AT HIS BEST
George Best has been described by his doctors as "very poorly" after
being readmitted to intensive care this morning. Initial reports
suggested Best had breathing difficulties but was "perfectly stable",
however, Professor Roger Williams appeared outside London's Cromwell
Hospital telling reporters: "Mr Best is not so well. He has got a new
and severe infection. He's on dialysis and he is very poorly at the
moment."
Best was first taken to hospital last month suffering with a chest
infection and internal bleeding. Giving obituary-writers the
run-around once again, he soon started to get better. "He was
improving every day until yesterday afternoon and he was really
pretty good," said Williams."Now he has acquired another infection,
as these patients are very susceptible to infection at this stage of
recovery." Professor Williams, who says Best is conscious and talking
to his girlfriend and manager, added: "His breathing is OK. He is
having oxygen but he is not on a ventilator. He is eating and was
making good progress but we are all very disturbed at a sudden
setback like this."
Doctors treating the former Northern Ireland One-Nil and MU Glazer Sox
player are hopeful that the infection will respond to antibiotics as
the last one did, even though they remain unsure where it is. Asked
for Best's prognosis, his doctor said: "He is very ill at the minute
so we'll see how it goes during the day."
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Roman Abramovich has decided to shift some dead weight, with Robert
Huth, Glen Johnson, Geremi, Jiri Jarosik and Alexei Smertin all set
to be culled. Wayne Bridge might avoid the embarrassment by simply
asking for a transfer, with the MU Glazer Sox high on his wish-list.
Footballers are flocking to Spain: Andriy Shevchenko wants to swap
Milan for Barcelona, while Michael Ballack fancies Real Madrid.
Anyone would think they were doing tokens in the Sun again.
And David O'Leary is willing to send Gareth Barry up to Newcastle, but
only if they'll reunite him with Lee Bowyer.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Is England prop Matt Stevens a G&T-swilling lush? Find out in Small
Talk:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1645889,00.html
Keano Uncut - A selection of Roy's rants for all the family:
football.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,9753,1606114,00.html
Georgina Turner dusts off her chalkboard to analyse Jermain Defoe's
shortcomings:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1645027,00.html
Laugh at Hernan Crespo then get Mark Schwarzering and win prizes in
the Gallery: football.guardian.co.uk/thegallery
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Mind your bubble perms, Scousers! Liverpool striker Peter Crouch has
vowed to leap into the Kop if he scores against Pompey this weekend.
Actually on second thoughts, you should be alright.
Unlike a certain hot-headed Irishman mentioned elsewhere in the Fiver,
Cristiano Ronaldo has signed a contract extension that will keep him
at Trafford Glazerdome until 2010.
Alex McLeish has admitted thoughts of the sack crossed his mind before
his pow-wow with the Pope's O'Rangers chairman David Murray last
Monday. "I'm sure it went through my head at some stage. Just about
every hour of the day in the previous three or four days before that
meeting," he explained.
Sheffield United goalkeeper Paddy Kenny has signed a contract
extension which could keep him on the end of Neil Warnock
spittle-soaked rants until summer 2010.
And Derby boss Phil Brown has opened talks with Seth Johnson with a
view to extending the midfielder's stay at Pride Park. He'll hardly
match the deal Seth got at Leeds.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Clink! Splosh! Thud! Did anybody else just hear Sam Allardyce drop
his Bovril and fall a*se-over-head off his chair at the news of Roy
Keane's sudden departure from the Trafford Glazer Dome?" - Simon
Ryan.
"In a week that has seen many interesting and varied news stories,
isn't it a little disappointing that today's headlines are being
dominated by the continued self-indulgent and self-inflicted 'trials'
of two ex-Glazer Sox has-beens?" - Frank Joyce.
"It's Triggs the dog I feel sorry for" - Phil Taylor.
"I can't be the only Fiver reader to want to know if David Purvis's
friend (yesterday's TV and Radio) gave the snitch the beating he
deserved. Can you request he get in touch again and complete his
story? He can make it up if he wants, I just want a happy ending" -
Martin Parry.
"Can you ask David Purvis for the name of his friend's snitch. I want
to congratulate him directly and maybe buy him a lunchtime pint" -
Brendan Kennedy.
"Here am I trying to enjoy the Fiver, but like a cheap bar in Earl's
Court it's been overrun by antipodeans with gigantic chips on their
shoulders" - Dominic Wells-Cole.
"Just wondering if anyone has asked that master of sporting
prediction, Glenn McGrath, what he thinks the score will be when
England and Australia inevitably get drawn together in the group
stages of the World Cup. 5-0 anyone? Oh" - Steve Phillips.
"I greatly enjoyed the suspended sentence pun in yesterday's Fiver. It
afforded me the sort of smug chuckle I've had to do without since the
sad death of Richard Whitely" - Lawrence MacCormack.
"Re: the suspended sentence gag. I thought yesterday's Fiver was
written by Paul Doyle and Georgina Turner, not Richard Stilgoe and
Gyles Brandreth" - John Eccleston.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best one each day
will win a copy of Let's Have Coffee: The Tao Of Ian Holloway.
Today's winner: Phil Taylor (not that one).
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT
Check out the Guardian's guide to digital photography and download
exclusive Dixons vouchers for fantastic in-store savings at
www.guardian.co.uk/dixons
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC1: Children In Need (7pm)
"In 2001, a fellow Englishman offered me job on a football website in
Brazil. We were to report on the Latin American countries going to
the 2002 World Cup," writes Tom Bright, in a successful bid to get
his experience of workplace duplicity and stool-pigeonary into print.
BBC2: QI (10pm)
"The Brazilian owner of the start-up site was making a fortune at the
time, selling South American business information to Reuters. He
assumed that he could do the same with football.
ITV1: Fact Hunt (11pm)
"I secretly doubted that match reports from the Costa Rican league,
written in English, would sell. However, the money was good so I took
the job."
Channel 4: Ghostbusters (8pm)
That's the spirit. Why does the Fiver never get offered gigs like
that?
Peep Show (10pm)
"There were no takers for the mountains of reports we were producing.
The big boss became nervous and began to delay salaries. The English
guy who employed me took every opportunity to blame the lack of
clients on my poor journalism, not their feeble business plan." The
Fiver hears ya.
Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights (10.30pm)
"He also kept a beady eye on what time I arrived and left. However,
when I asked him about my salary, he said that wasn't his
responsibility.
Five: Pimp My Ride UK (7.30pm)
"He returned to the UK for a week in the middle of the World Cup, and
one day rang to ask me to forward all his email messages to a Hotmail
account.
Sky One: Malcolm In The Middle (8pm)
"When I opened his computer in-box, I discovered that not only was he
still receiving his salary (twice as much as mine), but that he had
suggested to the big boss to hold back my wages until 'he bucks up
his ideas'."
Moments That Shook Sport 2 (9.30pm)
The snake.
Sky Sports 1: Premier League Preview (7pm)
"When he came back from the UK, I was thrilled to see that someone
had given him a damn good beating while he was over there.
Live Football League: Derby County v Wolves (7.30pm)
"He made some nonsensical excuse about his two black eyes being due
to a statue falling on him at a drunken party, but I knew the truth."
Sky Sports 2: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (10pm)
Ah yes, the trusty old 'a statue fell on me at a drunken party'
excuse.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"It was ironic that we were both fired on the morning after Brazil
won the World Cup, as that was the result my boss had dreamed of when
he first hatched his cunning plan.
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"Thankfully, I got all the money I was owed, due in no small part to
those email messages which I kept on floppy disk as evidence!"
Newstalk 106FM (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball With Ger Gilroy 7pm)
Have you ever been hung out to dry by your colleagues? Tell
the.boss@guardian.co.uk all about it and mark your email: Roy Has
Been A Towering Figure At The Club For 100 Years.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THANKS FOR THAT LEISURELY WIND-DOWN TO THE WEEKEND, ROY
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Georgina Turner. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
18 November 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Mutual Consent; and Not The Best
* * * * * * * * * * * *
KEANE WALKS AWAY FROM OLD TRAFFORD
Shortly before 12.30pm this afternoon, Sir Alex Ferguson paid tribute
to Roy Keane, calling him: "The best midfield player in the world of
his generation ... and one of the great figures in our club's
illustrious history". His captain quickly returned the compliment,
praising Fergie as a "great manager". It was like old times. Except
that Keane had just left Old Trafford for the final time by,
according to a hastily-typed club statement, "mutual consent".
Mutual consent - now there are two words to make the Fiver's
'something's-fishy-here' antenna twitch like Bob Nudd's line over a
king-size carp. And the story we've heard from our Irish cousin Theme
Pub O'Fiver - namely that Keane had a blazing row with Ferguson after
being told he wasn't needed for a reserve match, and was then
stripped of the captaincy - sounds a lot more plausible than the pair
agreeing on a friendly parting of the ways 11 games into the
Premiership season.
"It's been a great honour and privilege for me to play for [the Glazer
Sox] for over 12 years," admitted Keane, who surely should have won a
shiny world or European player of the year gong to go with his other
medals. "At all times I have endeavoured to do my best for the
management and the team. While it is a sad day for me to leave such a
great club and manager I believe that the time has now come for me to
move on."
Keane's severance package, agreed by his agent Michael Kennedy this
morning, allows him to join another club at his leisure to - in the
club's words - "secure his playing career beyond what would have been
the end of his contract at [the Sox] in the summer". And while
Portsmouth have expressed an interest, don't expect Keane to end up
at Highbury. "It looked like he was a bit upset recently," chuckled
Arsene Wenger with a glint in his eye. "Why, I don't know. He won't
be joining us. We have put our confidence in our players." Unlike
Ferguson in Keane, then.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"There is a long way to go this season, and a lot to work towards, but
if you were to ask me my target then the answer would be simple: to
win the next game against Portsmouth" - after last season's shock Big
Cup victory, Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez outlines his lofty
ambitions for the remainder of this campaign.
*********************
GEORGE NOT AT HIS BEST
George Best has been described by his doctors as "very poorly" after
being readmitted to intensive care this morning. Initial reports
suggested Best had breathing difficulties but was "perfectly stable",
however, Professor Roger Williams appeared outside London's Cromwell
Hospital telling reporters: "Mr Best is not so well. He has got a new
and severe infection. He's on dialysis and he is very poorly at the
moment."
Best was first taken to hospital last month suffering with a chest
infection and internal bleeding. Giving obituary-writers the
run-around once again, he soon started to get better. "He was
improving every day until yesterday afternoon and he was really
pretty good," said Williams."Now he has acquired another infection,
as these patients are very susceptible to infection at this stage of
recovery." Professor Williams, who says Best is conscious and talking
to his girlfriend and manager, added: "His breathing is OK. He is
having oxygen but he is not on a ventilator. He is eating and was
making good progress but we are all very disturbed at a sudden
setback like this."
Doctors treating the former Northern Ireland One-Nil and MU Glazer Sox
player are hopeful that the infection will respond to antibiotics as
the last one did, even though they remain unsure where it is. Asked
for Best's prognosis, his doctor said: "He is very ill at the minute
so we'll see how it goes during the day."
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Roman Abramovich has decided to shift some dead weight, with Robert
Huth, Glen Johnson, Geremi, Jiri Jarosik and Alexei Smertin all set
to be culled. Wayne Bridge might avoid the embarrassment by simply
asking for a transfer, with the MU Glazer Sox high on his wish-list.
Footballers are flocking to Spain: Andriy Shevchenko wants to swap
Milan for Barcelona, while Michael Ballack fancies Real Madrid.
Anyone would think they were doing tokens in the Sun again.
And David O'Leary is willing to send Gareth Barry up to Newcastle, but
only if they'll reunite him with Lee Bowyer.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Is England prop Matt Stevens a G&T-swilling lush? Find out in Small
Talk:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1645889,00.html
Keano Uncut - A selection of Roy's rants for all the family:
football.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,9753,1606114,00.html
Georgina Turner dusts off her chalkboard to analyse Jermain Defoe's
shortcomings:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1645027,00.html
Laugh at Hernan Crespo then get Mark Schwarzering and win prizes in
the Gallery: football.guardian.co.uk/thegallery
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Mind your bubble perms, Scousers! Liverpool striker Peter Crouch has
vowed to leap into the Kop if he scores against Pompey this weekend.
Actually on second thoughts, you should be alright.
Unlike a certain hot-headed Irishman mentioned elsewhere in the Fiver,
Cristiano Ronaldo has signed a contract extension that will keep him
at Trafford Glazerdome until 2010.
Alex McLeish has admitted thoughts of the sack crossed his mind before
his pow-wow with the Pope's O'Rangers chairman David Murray last
Monday. "I'm sure it went through my head at some stage. Just about
every hour of the day in the previous three or four days before that
meeting," he explained.
Sheffield United goalkeeper Paddy Kenny has signed a contract
extension which could keep him on the end of Neil Warnock
spittle-soaked rants until summer 2010.
And Derby boss Phil Brown has opened talks with Seth Johnson with a
view to extending the midfielder's stay at Pride Park. He'll hardly
match the deal Seth got at Leeds.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Clink! Splosh! Thud! Did anybody else just hear Sam Allardyce drop
his Bovril and fall a*se-over-head off his chair at the news of Roy
Keane's sudden departure from the Trafford Glazer Dome?" - Simon
Ryan.
"In a week that has seen many interesting and varied news stories,
isn't it a little disappointing that today's headlines are being
dominated by the continued self-indulgent and self-inflicted 'trials'
of two ex-Glazer Sox has-beens?" - Frank Joyce.
"It's Triggs the dog I feel sorry for" - Phil Taylor.
"I can't be the only Fiver reader to want to know if David Purvis's
friend (yesterday's TV and Radio) gave the snitch the beating he
deserved. Can you request he get in touch again and complete his
story? He can make it up if he wants, I just want a happy ending" -
Martin Parry.
"Can you ask David Purvis for the name of his friend's snitch. I want
to congratulate him directly and maybe buy him a lunchtime pint" -
Brendan Kennedy.
"Here am I trying to enjoy the Fiver, but like a cheap bar in Earl's
Court it's been overrun by antipodeans with gigantic chips on their
shoulders" - Dominic Wells-Cole.
"Just wondering if anyone has asked that master of sporting
prediction, Glenn McGrath, what he thinks the score will be when
England and Australia inevitably get drawn together in the group
stages of the World Cup. 5-0 anyone? Oh" - Steve Phillips.
"I greatly enjoyed the suspended sentence pun in yesterday's Fiver. It
afforded me the sort of smug chuckle I've had to do without since the
sad death of Richard Whitely" - Lawrence MacCormack.
"Re: the suspended sentence gag. I thought yesterday's Fiver was
written by Paul Doyle and Georgina Turner, not Richard Stilgoe and
Gyles Brandreth" - John Eccleston.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best one each day
will win a copy of Let's Have Coffee: The Tao Of Ian Holloway.
Today's winner: Phil Taylor (not that one).
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT
Check out the Guardian's guide to digital photography and download
exclusive Dixons vouchers for fantastic in-store savings at
www.guardian.co.uk/dixons
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC1: Children In Need (7pm)
"In 2001, a fellow Englishman offered me job on a football website in
Brazil. We were to report on the Latin American countries going to
the 2002 World Cup," writes Tom Bright, in a successful bid to get
his experience of workplace duplicity and stool-pigeonary into print.
BBC2: QI (10pm)
"The Brazilian owner of the start-up site was making a fortune at the
time, selling South American business information to Reuters. He
assumed that he could do the same with football.
ITV1: Fact Hunt (11pm)
"I secretly doubted that match reports from the Costa Rican league,
written in English, would sell. However, the money was good so I took
the job."
Channel 4: Ghostbusters (8pm)
That's the spirit. Why does the Fiver never get offered gigs like
that?
Peep Show (10pm)
"There were no takers for the mountains of reports we were producing.
The big boss became nervous and began to delay salaries. The English
guy who employed me took every opportunity to blame the lack of
clients on my poor journalism, not their feeble business plan." The
Fiver hears ya.
Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights (10.30pm)
"He also kept a beady eye on what time I arrived and left. However,
when I asked him about my salary, he said that wasn't his
responsibility.
Five: Pimp My Ride UK (7.30pm)
"He returned to the UK for a week in the middle of the World Cup, and
one day rang to ask me to forward all his email messages to a Hotmail
account.
Sky One: Malcolm In The Middle (8pm)
"When I opened his computer in-box, I discovered that not only was he
still receiving his salary (twice as much as mine), but that he had
suggested to the big boss to hold back my wages until 'he bucks up
his ideas'."
Moments That Shook Sport 2 (9.30pm)
The snake.
Sky Sports 1: Premier League Preview (7pm)
"When he came back from the UK, I was thrilled to see that someone
had given him a damn good beating while he was over there.
Live Football League: Derby County v Wolves (7.30pm)
"He made some nonsensical excuse about his two black eyes being due
to a statue falling on him at a drunken party, but I knew the truth."
Sky Sports 2: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (10pm)
Ah yes, the trusty old 'a statue fell on me at a drunken party'
excuse.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"It was ironic that we were both fired on the morning after Brazil
won the World Cup, as that was the result my boss had dreamed of when
he first hatched his cunning plan.
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"Thankfully, I got all the money I was owed, due in no small part to
those email messages which I kept on floppy disk as evidence!"
Newstalk 106FM (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball With Ger Gilroy 7pm)
Have you ever been hung out to dry by your colleagues? Tell
the.boss@guardian.co.uk all about it and mark your email: Roy Has
Been A Towering Figure At The Club For 100 Years.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THANKS FOR THAT LEISURELY WIND-DOWN TO THE WEEKEND, ROY
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Georgina Turner. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.