Post by Salem6 on Oct 29, 2005 8:29:10 GMT
The Fiver
28 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: A Very Fat Man and A Very Sick Man
* * * * * * * * * * * *
WITHDEAN AND I
One look at John Prescott is enough to tell you he's a man who takes
time to pass stuff. Thankfully today, after years of digestion and
delay, the deputy prime minister finally granted planning permission
for Brighton to build a new 23,000-seater stadium at Falmer. In
reaching his verdict, Prescott concluded with his trademark
linguistic clarity that there were "no other realistic alternative
sites where the need for the stadium could be met," a factor that
outweighed the potential harm to the South Downs. And then he settled
down to a nice lunch.
The news was greeted with delight by Seagulls chairman Dick Knight, a
man with the most rhythm-flick-sounding name in football. "Never mind
over the moon, we're over Jupiter," he chuckled. "This is the
greatest home win ever in the club's history." Which comes as news to
Soccerbase, which still lists the 9-1 Division Three (South) victory
over Newport County in 1951 as Brighton's finest hour-and-a-half on
their own turf. "There's been a lot of hard work gone into this
project and we've really been through the mill," Knight added. "But
that just makes it sweeter."
Also keeping up the cliche count - albeit at a steady 120
beats-per-minute - was superstar DJ Norman Cook, a director at the
club. "Relieved, over the moon, all those sort of football expletives
come out," he said, belying suggestions that drug-taking fries the
brain. "It's the salvation of the club and we're hoping the new
stadium will be ready by 2008." And anyone who's spent a wet
afternoon at the Withdean Sports Complex will agree that the new
stadium can't come soon enough.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I was at the match with my brother and Everton weren't playing well.
I said they were rubbish and my brother's mate said I couldn't do any
better. I said I could and he said he would give me GBP20 if I was
better. I know now it was wrong what I did but I just wanted to show
him what I could do. I'll never do anything like that again" -
nine-year-old 'titch invader' [thanks, Daily Mirror] Richard Dunn
reveals why he ran onto the Goodison Park sward to tackle Franck
Queudrue - even though the ball was nowhere near the Frenchman.
*********************
ADVERT
Check out our guide to digital photography and download exclusive
Dixons vouchers for fantastic in-store savings at
www.guardian.co.uk/dixons
*********************
BEST SLIGHTLY BETTER
George Best is a "little better" but still seriously ill in intensive
care, according to the doctor treating the former footballer at
London's Cromwell Hospital. Earlier this week Best, 59, suffered a
severe deterioration in his condition and was said to be "close to
death" by his family after suffering internal bleeding. But today
Best's doctor, Professor Roger Williams, confirmed Best's
measurements were "somewhat improved" and his bleeding was less
severe.
"We are pleased with what progress he has made," said Williams.
"Obviously there is a long way to go and who knows what will happen
over the next 24 hours? But certainly compared with yesterday evening
he's a bit better." Williams admitted that Best was still under
sedation and on a ventilator, and wasn't out of the woods yet. "He is
a very sick man," he added. "We are feeling a little more cheerful
having seen him this morning."
Meanwhile Denis Law, who visited Best in hospital this afternoon,
confirmed his former team-mate was in a bad way. "I did get a shock,
the man's not looking good," he said. "The doctors are giving him the
best treatment but he is seriously ill." MU Glazer Sox boss Alex
Ferguson also offered his support. "We are all rooting for him," he
insisted. "Everyone has their own opinion about football and their
favourite players but in terms of British players, you would find it
difficult to think of anyone better than George Best."
* * * * * * * * * *
THE RUMOUR MILL
Milan are keeping a close eye on ... Blackeye Rovers defender Lucas
Neill.
A Russian billionaire has his heart set on Cristiano Ronaldo. Step
forward Alexei Fedorichev, chairman of Dinamo Moscow.
Ajax youngsters John Goossens and Jeffrey Sarpong have snubbed Frank
Arnesen's invitation to go to Stamford Bridge, preferring instead to
enjoy the myriad delights Amsterdam has to offer.
And last season's joint European Golden Boot winners could lead
Arsenal's forward line if the Gunners' GBP16.3m bid for Villarreal's
Diego Forlan succeeds. And if they can stave off Barca's interest in
Thierry Henry.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Robert Pires will have to take Arsenal penalties without any help
tomorrow now Monsieur Henry has been ruled out of the north London
derby ...
... meanwhile, Henry has paid GBP500 to have his baby daughter Tea's
umbilical cord frozen as a precaution if she ever falls ill [experts
can use stem cells from the blood in the umbilical cord to treat
diseases such as leukaemia - Fiver Science Ed].
The compassion was overflowing at FA HQ this afternoon as Barnet
goalkeeper Ross Flitney's midweek red card at the Trafford DevilBowl
has been rescinded.
Frustrated West Brom reserve goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak has revealed
he wants to leave the Hawthorns in search of first-team action,
despite looking set for a run in the side, what with Chris Kirkland
being injured.
Memorabilia owned by ailing legend Ferenc Puskas has been withdrawn
from auction after being sold to Hungarian company Szaknevsor for
more than GBP100,000. They plan to establish a Hall of Fame in
Budapest and display the mementoes of Puskas's career.
Speaking of charidable acts, the chance to train with England
goalkeeper Paul Robinson at Tottenham's training ground is one of the
lots on Children In Need's Great Big Bid. Find out more at
www.bbc.co.uk/greatbigbid
And all footballers in the city of Nottingham are to be issued with ID
cards within the next five years, as the county's FA bids to
eliminate 'ringers' and players using false names while suspended.
Whether this will stop the amateurs sneaking into Forest's line-up
each week remains to be seen.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
"Slashed tyres, smashed windows and riot police; broken bottles, booze
and a trip to the cop-shop; cheatings, bleatings and beatings. Just
another night down in Seville, just another week in Spain" - Sid Lowe
finds Betis fans in an unforgiving mood after their midweek defeat:
football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,15758,1602943,00.html
"Pink ain't my favourite colour!" Small Talk gets to grips with West
Ham and England U21 star Anton Ferdinand:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1602111,00.html
Niall Quinn: forget the good touch, Peter Crouch needs to focus on his
positional play to heighten [honk!] his powers:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1602463,00.ht
Our top tipster James Dart selects the best bets from the weekend's
domestic action:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1601929,00.html
Get your Deadly Doug Ellis Gallery entries in now for the chance to
win GBP100:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1600966,00.html
Christmas is coming, and - quite handily - Guardian Unlimited's book
on the Ashes, Is It Cowardly To Pray For Rain? is available now.
Yours for just GBP7.99!
www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=034911983X
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP1.20 Berliner theguardian: Hearts owner
Vladimir Romanov talks exclusively about Burley, Robson and the Old
Firm.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: Everton giving a stiff talking-to to the young boy who tried to
slide-tackle Frank Queudrue. I see club policy has changed. In the
past, immature slide-tackling whelps were exiled to Manchester for
vast sums of lucre" - Phil Marion.
"Re: yesterday's Fiver. I hate to get serious, but there is no such
thing as a former alcoholic. Look out Gazza - don't let it go to your
head" - John Del (and many others). [What about Oliver Reed? Eh? -
Fiver Ed].
"In anticipation of someone writing in to defend Luton for not being
the biggest dump in southern England - I'd like to point out that
having visited every continent I have yet to encounter anywhere worse
than it" - Mark Lawson.
"Living in Luton, I feel I should counter your assertion that it's the
biggest dump in southern England. When I come up with one shred of
evidence to support my case I shall get back in touch" - Sarah
Bailey. [This is the nearest thing to a letter in defence of Luton we
received - Fiver Ed]. "I would just like to point out that Kettering
isn't the second biggest dump in the south of England. According to
the same survey which announced Luton as the UK's worst town, Windsor
came second" - Chris Brown.
"Kettering the biggest dump in southern England apart from Luton?
You've forgotten London, you ignorant, blinkered,
metropolitan-loving, provincial-hating media-types" - Neil Burket,
Kettering.
"Having stupidly taken yesterday's last line about 'pints on a school
night' being 'a young man's game' as a personal challenge, I find
myself sat at work with the mother of all hangovers, desperately
clock-watching while adopting the George Costanza technique for
looking busy. This was so much easier 10 years ago. I will never
doubt you again" - Nick Sims.
"Re: Mourinho learning how to lose. Considering his reaction when he
won Big Cup with Porto (removing his medal and walking off sullenly),
he needs to learn how to win first" - Tony Mabert.
"Re: Eugene Webber saying bullies like Alan Shearer don't like it up
'em. I always believed it was the Bosch who didn't like it up 'em" -
Greg Farrell.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best one each day
will win a copy of Barney Ronay's Sunday League literary masterpiece
Any Chance Of A Game? Today's winner: Sarah Bailey.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Premier League Preview (7pm)
It's the very last day of your stingy boss stories. Take it away, er,
Anonymous.
Sky Sports 1: Live Football League - Burnley v Hull (7.30pm)
"At the Halifax, everyone who gets through the year without taking a
sickie is entered into a draw for a car," he writes. "Last year the
car was won by someone who plays on the same football team as a guy I
work with." And?
Setanta: The Hub (7pm)
"Well, he suggested something similar to our bosses. They liked it -
but decided a car was too extravagant. Instead, anyone who goes
through the year without taking any sickies in our firm is now
entered in a draw for ... an extra day's leave the following year.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"The HR team are seemingly oblivious to their own policy, which lets
us take five days off at a time without having to present a doctor's
note. Genius, eh?
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"Oh, please don't publish my name - because I still work at the
company, heaven help me."
Newstalk 106FM (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball With Ger Gilroy
(7pm)
Next we want your nightmare away trip stories. Send your tales of
woe, marked We Lost 5-0 And I Caught Pneumonia to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
CRITICAL MASS. SEE YOU ALL AT THE SOUTH BANK AT 6.30PM?
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
28 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: A Very Fat Man and A Very Sick Man
* * * * * * * * * * * *
WITHDEAN AND I
One look at John Prescott is enough to tell you he's a man who takes
time to pass stuff. Thankfully today, after years of digestion and
delay, the deputy prime minister finally granted planning permission
for Brighton to build a new 23,000-seater stadium at Falmer. In
reaching his verdict, Prescott concluded with his trademark
linguistic clarity that there were "no other realistic alternative
sites where the need for the stadium could be met," a factor that
outweighed the potential harm to the South Downs. And then he settled
down to a nice lunch.
The news was greeted with delight by Seagulls chairman Dick Knight, a
man with the most rhythm-flick-sounding name in football. "Never mind
over the moon, we're over Jupiter," he chuckled. "This is the
greatest home win ever in the club's history." Which comes as news to
Soccerbase, which still lists the 9-1 Division Three (South) victory
over Newport County in 1951 as Brighton's finest hour-and-a-half on
their own turf. "There's been a lot of hard work gone into this
project and we've really been through the mill," Knight added. "But
that just makes it sweeter."
Also keeping up the cliche count - albeit at a steady 120
beats-per-minute - was superstar DJ Norman Cook, a director at the
club. "Relieved, over the moon, all those sort of football expletives
come out," he said, belying suggestions that drug-taking fries the
brain. "It's the salvation of the club and we're hoping the new
stadium will be ready by 2008." And anyone who's spent a wet
afternoon at the Withdean Sports Complex will agree that the new
stadium can't come soon enough.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I was at the match with my brother and Everton weren't playing well.
I said they were rubbish and my brother's mate said I couldn't do any
better. I said I could and he said he would give me GBP20 if I was
better. I know now it was wrong what I did but I just wanted to show
him what I could do. I'll never do anything like that again" -
nine-year-old 'titch invader' [thanks, Daily Mirror] Richard Dunn
reveals why he ran onto the Goodison Park sward to tackle Franck
Queudrue - even though the ball was nowhere near the Frenchman.
*********************
ADVERT
Check out our guide to digital photography and download exclusive
Dixons vouchers for fantastic in-store savings at
www.guardian.co.uk/dixons
*********************
BEST SLIGHTLY BETTER
George Best is a "little better" but still seriously ill in intensive
care, according to the doctor treating the former footballer at
London's Cromwell Hospital. Earlier this week Best, 59, suffered a
severe deterioration in his condition and was said to be "close to
death" by his family after suffering internal bleeding. But today
Best's doctor, Professor Roger Williams, confirmed Best's
measurements were "somewhat improved" and his bleeding was less
severe.
"We are pleased with what progress he has made," said Williams.
"Obviously there is a long way to go and who knows what will happen
over the next 24 hours? But certainly compared with yesterday evening
he's a bit better." Williams admitted that Best was still under
sedation and on a ventilator, and wasn't out of the woods yet. "He is
a very sick man," he added. "We are feeling a little more cheerful
having seen him this morning."
Meanwhile Denis Law, who visited Best in hospital this afternoon,
confirmed his former team-mate was in a bad way. "I did get a shock,
the man's not looking good," he said. "The doctors are giving him the
best treatment but he is seriously ill." MU Glazer Sox boss Alex
Ferguson also offered his support. "We are all rooting for him," he
insisted. "Everyone has their own opinion about football and their
favourite players but in terms of British players, you would find it
difficult to think of anyone better than George Best."
* * * * * * * * * *
THE RUMOUR MILL
Milan are keeping a close eye on ... Blackeye Rovers defender Lucas
Neill.
A Russian billionaire has his heart set on Cristiano Ronaldo. Step
forward Alexei Fedorichev, chairman of Dinamo Moscow.
Ajax youngsters John Goossens and Jeffrey Sarpong have snubbed Frank
Arnesen's invitation to go to Stamford Bridge, preferring instead to
enjoy the myriad delights Amsterdam has to offer.
And last season's joint European Golden Boot winners could lead
Arsenal's forward line if the Gunners' GBP16.3m bid for Villarreal's
Diego Forlan succeeds. And if they can stave off Barca's interest in
Thierry Henry.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Robert Pires will have to take Arsenal penalties without any help
tomorrow now Monsieur Henry has been ruled out of the north London
derby ...
... meanwhile, Henry has paid GBP500 to have his baby daughter Tea's
umbilical cord frozen as a precaution if she ever falls ill [experts
can use stem cells from the blood in the umbilical cord to treat
diseases such as leukaemia - Fiver Science Ed].
The compassion was overflowing at FA HQ this afternoon as Barnet
goalkeeper Ross Flitney's midweek red card at the Trafford DevilBowl
has been rescinded.
Frustrated West Brom reserve goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak has revealed
he wants to leave the Hawthorns in search of first-team action,
despite looking set for a run in the side, what with Chris Kirkland
being injured.
Memorabilia owned by ailing legend Ferenc Puskas has been withdrawn
from auction after being sold to Hungarian company Szaknevsor for
more than GBP100,000. They plan to establish a Hall of Fame in
Budapest and display the mementoes of Puskas's career.
Speaking of charidable acts, the chance to train with England
goalkeeper Paul Robinson at Tottenham's training ground is one of the
lots on Children In Need's Great Big Bid. Find out more at
www.bbc.co.uk/greatbigbid
And all footballers in the city of Nottingham are to be issued with ID
cards within the next five years, as the county's FA bids to
eliminate 'ringers' and players using false names while suspended.
Whether this will stop the amateurs sneaking into Forest's line-up
each week remains to be seen.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
"Slashed tyres, smashed windows and riot police; broken bottles, booze
and a trip to the cop-shop; cheatings, bleatings and beatings. Just
another night down in Seville, just another week in Spain" - Sid Lowe
finds Betis fans in an unforgiving mood after their midweek defeat:
football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,15758,1602943,00.html
"Pink ain't my favourite colour!" Small Talk gets to grips with West
Ham and England U21 star Anton Ferdinand:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1602111,00.html
Niall Quinn: forget the good touch, Peter Crouch needs to focus on his
positional play to heighten [honk!] his powers:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1602463,00.ht
Our top tipster James Dart selects the best bets from the weekend's
domestic action:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1601929,00.html
Get your Deadly Doug Ellis Gallery entries in now for the chance to
win GBP100:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1600966,00.html
Christmas is coming, and - quite handily - Guardian Unlimited's book
on the Ashes, Is It Cowardly To Pray For Rain? is available now.
Yours for just GBP7.99!
www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/BerteShopWeb/viewProduct.do?ISBN=034911983X
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP1.20 Berliner theguardian: Hearts owner
Vladimir Romanov talks exclusively about Burley, Robson and the Old
Firm.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: Everton giving a stiff talking-to to the young boy who tried to
slide-tackle Frank Queudrue. I see club policy has changed. In the
past, immature slide-tackling whelps were exiled to Manchester for
vast sums of lucre" - Phil Marion.
"Re: yesterday's Fiver. I hate to get serious, but there is no such
thing as a former alcoholic. Look out Gazza - don't let it go to your
head" - John Del (and many others). [What about Oliver Reed? Eh? -
Fiver Ed].
"In anticipation of someone writing in to defend Luton for not being
the biggest dump in southern England - I'd like to point out that
having visited every continent I have yet to encounter anywhere worse
than it" - Mark Lawson.
"Living in Luton, I feel I should counter your assertion that it's the
biggest dump in southern England. When I come up with one shred of
evidence to support my case I shall get back in touch" - Sarah
Bailey. [This is the nearest thing to a letter in defence of Luton we
received - Fiver Ed]. "I would just like to point out that Kettering
isn't the second biggest dump in the south of England. According to
the same survey which announced Luton as the UK's worst town, Windsor
came second" - Chris Brown.
"Kettering the biggest dump in southern England apart from Luton?
You've forgotten London, you ignorant, blinkered,
metropolitan-loving, provincial-hating media-types" - Neil Burket,
Kettering.
"Having stupidly taken yesterday's last line about 'pints on a school
night' being 'a young man's game' as a personal challenge, I find
myself sat at work with the mother of all hangovers, desperately
clock-watching while adopting the George Costanza technique for
looking busy. This was so much easier 10 years ago. I will never
doubt you again" - Nick Sims.
"Re: Mourinho learning how to lose. Considering his reaction when he
won Big Cup with Porto (removing his medal and walking off sullenly),
he needs to learn how to win first" - Tony Mabert.
"Re: Eugene Webber saying bullies like Alan Shearer don't like it up
'em. I always believed it was the Bosch who didn't like it up 'em" -
Greg Farrell.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best one each day
will win a copy of Barney Ronay's Sunday League literary masterpiece
Any Chance Of A Game? Today's winner: Sarah Bailey.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Premier League Preview (7pm)
It's the very last day of your stingy boss stories. Take it away, er,
Anonymous.
Sky Sports 1: Live Football League - Burnley v Hull (7.30pm)
"At the Halifax, everyone who gets through the year without taking a
sickie is entered into a draw for a car," he writes. "Last year the
car was won by someone who plays on the same football team as a guy I
work with." And?
Setanta: The Hub (7pm)
"Well, he suggested something similar to our bosses. They liked it -
but decided a car was too extravagant. Instead, anyone who goes
through the year without taking any sickies in our firm is now
entered in a draw for ... an extra day's leave the following year.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"The HR team are seemingly oblivious to their own policy, which lets
us take five days off at a time without having to present a doctor's
note. Genius, eh?
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"Oh, please don't publish my name - because I still work at the
company, heaven help me."
Newstalk 106FM (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball With Ger Gilroy
(7pm)
Next we want your nightmare away trip stories. Send your tales of
woe, marked We Lost 5-0 And I Caught Pneumonia to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
CRITICAL MASS. SEE YOU ALL AT THE SOUTH BANK AT 6.30PM?
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.