Post by Salem6 on Oct 14, 2005 17:52:31 GMT
The Fiver
14 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: It Was A Late One Last Night
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BULLY BEEF
The Spanish are not all animal-stabbers. Some of them have no time for
bullfighting and instead play football teasingly well for long
periods before flopping embarrassingly in major tournaments, causing
Jose Manuel Ole! Ole! Ole! Fiver to lose the tenner it invariably
places on them. But if Spain boss Luis Aragones gets his way, they
will thrash Slovakia in a two-legged World Cup qualifying play-off on
12 and 16 November, before causing a sensation in Germany too.
"In recent years we haven't been able to convert our talent into
international success, but I've only been the coach for one year and
I expect to turn this history around both in the play-offs and then
at the finals in Germany," Aragones bragged, jangling his castanets
excitedly.
Intriguingly, he then introduced a subtle change to his motivation
technique and, rather than brand his opponents white sh*ts, politely
added: "Slovakia are definitely not the team I was hoping for.
Technically they might not be as strong as us but they make up for
that physically, which will make it very difficult. Their defence is
also very good so I have a lot of respect for them."
Unsurprisingly, Slovakia were none to eager to meet Aragones either,
with FA blazer Dusan Tittel admitting: "We didn't want Spain and we
were keen to avoid a big derby against the Czech Republic, so Turkey
would have been our opponent of choice."
Instead, Turkey go to Switzerland, on the same night that England play
a friendly there against Argentina. While that prospect may not have
the Swiss Army readying their nail-clippers, can-openers and other
cutting-edge weaponry - the two matches are 123 miles apart, after
all - it was bad news for Norway, who also wanted to meet Turkey but
instead got the Czechs. "It's OK, it was important to avoid Spain,"
gruffed manager Age Hareide. "The Czechs are an opponent that I think
will suit us." No they won't, Age, they will beat you.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I do not see any problem in it, it just adds to the excitement of the
Premier League that we can bring such top-class players to the
Premier League week in, week out. That's part of the business, the
free market that we are in and it's part of football" - Steve
McClaren comes up with a idiotic response to Fifa president Sepp
Blatter's concerns that Roman Abramovich's billions are ruining
football.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Getafe's rise to the top of La Liga hasn't gone unnoticed by Liverpool
boss Rafa Benitez, who has his eye on the club's GBP3m-rated striker
Riki.
Theo Walcott is putting out fires right, centre and left as he
attempts to diffuse reports claiming he wants out of Southampton.
And Roberto Carlos has been offered a GBP13m three-year contract to
see out his career at an unnamed club in Qatar.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Niall Quinn wonders who in their right mind would become a football
manager:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1591888,00.html
James Dart picks out the best bets from this weekend's action:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1591547,00.html
Win! Win! Win! We've three pairs of tickets for next Tuesday's Luton v
Norwich showdown to give away!
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,-617,00.html
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP1.20 Berliner theguardian: don't miss an
exclusive interview with Freddie Flintoff. Also, read about the
Special One's training secrets and how he lost his cool at Highbury,
in exclusive extracts from the club's official biography.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Why Arsene Wenger dislikes international football No873: Alexander
Hleb is facing two months on the sidelines after injuring a knee
playing for Belarus.
Darren Fletcher and John O'Shea have signed new contracts that will
keep them at the Trafford DevilBowl until 2009...
... while Owen Hargreaves has given Middlesbrough the brush-off and
agreed to stay with Bayern Munich until 2010.
Brann Bergen are mulling over Bongo FC's offer for their Austria
defender Paul Scharner.
And Real Madrid have defended themselves in the wake of criticism
surrounding their fundraising match for former player Ferenc Puskas.
"Real Madrid has made a monthly contribution to Puskas," read a club
statement, failing to justify why out of GBP900,000 made from their
game in Budapest, just GBP7,000 found its way to the Puskas family.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I recently went to a wild pig show. I found the biggest boar there
and shouted 'Oi! Fiver letter-writer!'. He looked gutted" - Neil
McKenna.
"Re: Lanky-Cam (yesterday's Fiver Letters). Perhaps Ray Fuel only
caught Fat Frank's goal on the news, as I think he'll find that it
was Crouch who calmly brought the ball out of defence to begin the
attack. But hey, why let facts get in the way of yet another sly dig
at Plug from the Beano?" - David Anderson (and many others).
"Installing a Lanky-Cam on top of Peter Crouch would improve coverage
of the 2006 World Cup, but only for the first round" - Phil Marion.
"This football talk is all very well, but whatever happened to Fred
Savage of Wonder Years fame?" - Dominic Wells-Cole.
"With Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright-Phillips in the England team the
other night, I was trying to think up a dream team of
sons-of-famous-footballers. Having picked Paolo Maldini, I gave up as
it became clear I was in danger of being forced to pick Nigel Clough
and Jamie Redknapp" - Dom Sykes.
"Before the nation goes overboard in celebrating England's performance
against Poland, I think we should question how much Sven had to do
with it. Surely this was just the football equivalent of the old
adage that if you give 100 monkeys 100 typewriters, one will
eventually produce Hamlet?" - Paul Gribbon. [Or a funny daily
football email - Fiver Ed].
"I was listening to the Super Series Test in my car this morning when
former Australian fast bowler Geoff Lawson said 'I would have liked
to have seen Shaun Pollock bowling his swingers into the breeze this
morning'. I sniggered childishly on the Fiver's behalf" - Dale Cose.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from www.goalhanger.com. Today's
winner: Dale Cose.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
We thought the subject was closed, but like a Benni McCarthy-to-West
Ham transfer rumour, the bizarre tale of people hanging their
spectacles from their underpants while sitting on the porcelain
throne just won't go away.
Live Victory Shield Preview (7.30pm)
"It should be obvious why we do it," writes Terry Whitegate, the
four-eyed freak that wrote in yesterday to voice his relief upon
hearing he wasn't alone in practising this dark art.
Premier League Preview (9.30pm)
"How are we supposed to sleep off a hangover at work, making those
little red elbow-marks on our knees in the process, without crushing
our specs?" he asks, clearly unfamiliar with the
head-in-crook-of-arm-at-desk technique employed by certain members of
Team Fiver in the wake of last night's work "do".
Victory Shield Football (12am)
Meanwhile this confession comes in from Felix Edwards, with mentions
of spectacles and/or pants conspicuous by their absence.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"As a 10-year-old lad I accidentally burnt down my parents' house,"
he reveals, although the version of the story we're publishing here
has been abridged due to constraints of space. And because we can.
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"It took me over 20 years to confess that it was my fault," he
explains, failing to tell us if his parents saw the funny side and
laughed at the good of it.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Not really a confession if you've already confessed already, is it
Felix? Anyway, if you have a guilty secret you'd like to get off your
chest, unburden yourself at the.boss@guardian.co.uk and mark it
Anonymity Is Assured, If You Ask For It.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
GREAT EXCUSES FOR DRINK-FUELLED TARDINESS NO 482: "I MISREAD THE
CLOCK"
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester
14 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: It Was A Late One Last Night
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BULLY BEEF
The Spanish are not all animal-stabbers. Some of them have no time for
bullfighting and instead play football teasingly well for long
periods before flopping embarrassingly in major tournaments, causing
Jose Manuel Ole! Ole! Ole! Fiver to lose the tenner it invariably
places on them. But if Spain boss Luis Aragones gets his way, they
will thrash Slovakia in a two-legged World Cup qualifying play-off on
12 and 16 November, before causing a sensation in Germany too.
"In recent years we haven't been able to convert our talent into
international success, but I've only been the coach for one year and
I expect to turn this history around both in the play-offs and then
at the finals in Germany," Aragones bragged, jangling his castanets
excitedly.
Intriguingly, he then introduced a subtle change to his motivation
technique and, rather than brand his opponents white sh*ts, politely
added: "Slovakia are definitely not the team I was hoping for.
Technically they might not be as strong as us but they make up for
that physically, which will make it very difficult. Their defence is
also very good so I have a lot of respect for them."
Unsurprisingly, Slovakia were none to eager to meet Aragones either,
with FA blazer Dusan Tittel admitting: "We didn't want Spain and we
were keen to avoid a big derby against the Czech Republic, so Turkey
would have been our opponent of choice."
Instead, Turkey go to Switzerland, on the same night that England play
a friendly there against Argentina. While that prospect may not have
the Swiss Army readying their nail-clippers, can-openers and other
cutting-edge weaponry - the two matches are 123 miles apart, after
all - it was bad news for Norway, who also wanted to meet Turkey but
instead got the Czechs. "It's OK, it was important to avoid Spain,"
gruffed manager Age Hareide. "The Czechs are an opponent that I think
will suit us." No they won't, Age, they will beat you.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I do not see any problem in it, it just adds to the excitement of the
Premier League that we can bring such top-class players to the
Premier League week in, week out. That's part of the business, the
free market that we are in and it's part of football" - Steve
McClaren comes up with a idiotic response to Fifa president Sepp
Blatter's concerns that Roman Abramovich's billions are ruining
football.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Getafe's rise to the top of La Liga hasn't gone unnoticed by Liverpool
boss Rafa Benitez, who has his eye on the club's GBP3m-rated striker
Riki.
Theo Walcott is putting out fires right, centre and left as he
attempts to diffuse reports claiming he wants out of Southampton.
And Roberto Carlos has been offered a GBP13m three-year contract to
see out his career at an unnamed club in Qatar.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Niall Quinn wonders who in their right mind would become a football
manager:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1591888,00.html
James Dart picks out the best bets from this weekend's action:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1591547,00.html
Win! Win! Win! We've three pairs of tickets for next Tuesday's Luton v
Norwich showdown to give away!
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,-617,00.html
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP1.20 Berliner theguardian: don't miss an
exclusive interview with Freddie Flintoff. Also, read about the
Special One's training secrets and how he lost his cool at Highbury,
in exclusive extracts from the club's official biography.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Why Arsene Wenger dislikes international football No873: Alexander
Hleb is facing two months on the sidelines after injuring a knee
playing for Belarus.
Darren Fletcher and John O'Shea have signed new contracts that will
keep them at the Trafford DevilBowl until 2009...
... while Owen Hargreaves has given Middlesbrough the brush-off and
agreed to stay with Bayern Munich until 2010.
Brann Bergen are mulling over Bongo FC's offer for their Austria
defender Paul Scharner.
And Real Madrid have defended themselves in the wake of criticism
surrounding their fundraising match for former player Ferenc Puskas.
"Real Madrid has made a monthly contribution to Puskas," read a club
statement, failing to justify why out of GBP900,000 made from their
game in Budapest, just GBP7,000 found its way to the Puskas family.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I recently went to a wild pig show. I found the biggest boar there
and shouted 'Oi! Fiver letter-writer!'. He looked gutted" - Neil
McKenna.
"Re: Lanky-Cam (yesterday's Fiver Letters). Perhaps Ray Fuel only
caught Fat Frank's goal on the news, as I think he'll find that it
was Crouch who calmly brought the ball out of defence to begin the
attack. But hey, why let facts get in the way of yet another sly dig
at Plug from the Beano?" - David Anderson (and many others).
"Installing a Lanky-Cam on top of Peter Crouch would improve coverage
of the 2006 World Cup, but only for the first round" - Phil Marion.
"This football talk is all very well, but whatever happened to Fred
Savage of Wonder Years fame?" - Dominic Wells-Cole.
"With Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright-Phillips in the England team the
other night, I was trying to think up a dream team of
sons-of-famous-footballers. Having picked Paolo Maldini, I gave up as
it became clear I was in danger of being forced to pick Nigel Clough
and Jamie Redknapp" - Dom Sykes.
"Before the nation goes overboard in celebrating England's performance
against Poland, I think we should question how much Sven had to do
with it. Surely this was just the football equivalent of the old
adage that if you give 100 monkeys 100 typewriters, one will
eventually produce Hamlet?" - Paul Gribbon. [Or a funny daily
football email - Fiver Ed].
"I was listening to the Super Series Test in my car this morning when
former Australian fast bowler Geoff Lawson said 'I would have liked
to have seen Shaun Pollock bowling his swingers into the breeze this
morning'. I sniggered childishly on the Fiver's behalf" - Dale Cose.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from www.goalhanger.com. Today's
winner: Dale Cose.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
We thought the subject was closed, but like a Benni McCarthy-to-West
Ham transfer rumour, the bizarre tale of people hanging their
spectacles from their underpants while sitting on the porcelain
throne just won't go away.
Live Victory Shield Preview (7.30pm)
"It should be obvious why we do it," writes Terry Whitegate, the
four-eyed freak that wrote in yesterday to voice his relief upon
hearing he wasn't alone in practising this dark art.
Premier League Preview (9.30pm)
"How are we supposed to sleep off a hangover at work, making those
little red elbow-marks on our knees in the process, without crushing
our specs?" he asks, clearly unfamiliar with the
head-in-crook-of-arm-at-desk technique employed by certain members of
Team Fiver in the wake of last night's work "do".
Victory Shield Football (12am)
Meanwhile this confession comes in from Felix Edwards, with mentions
of spectacles and/or pants conspicuous by their absence.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"As a 10-year-old lad I accidentally burnt down my parents' house,"
he reveals, although the version of the story we're publishing here
has been abridged due to constraints of space. And because we can.
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"It took me over 20 years to confess that it was my fault," he
explains, failing to tell us if his parents saw the funny side and
laughed at the good of it.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Not really a confession if you've already confessed already, is it
Felix? Anyway, if you have a guilty secret you'd like to get off your
chest, unburden yourself at the.boss@guardian.co.uk and mark it
Anonymity Is Assured, If You Ask For It.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
GREAT EXCUSES FOR DRINK-FUELLED TARDINESS NO 482: "I MISREAD THE
CLOCK"
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester