Post by Salem6 on Oct 10, 2005 16:42:33 GMT
The Fiver
10 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: World Champs?
and Something More Realistic
* * * * * * * * * * * *
ENGLAND EXPECTS (TOO MUCH, YET AGAIN)
With qualification for the Fifa Fujifilm Mastercard McDonald's Londis
World Cup 2006 in the bag, England's players have wasted no time in
entering the realm of fantasy by talking up their chances of winning
the whole German jamboree. Needless to say, this is good news for
cynical Fiver writers, who diligently file every ludicrous boast in a
time capsule that will be opened and used as evidence against Team
England as soon as they limp out of the second round on penalties
after conceding a late equaliser against Togo.
"I wouldn't settle for getting knocked out in the last four. The aim
is certainly to get to the semi-final, but it wouldn't stop there,"
said Michael Owen, as nearby reporters wondered if he was talking
about England's chances in the cricket World Cup. Equally bullish
(his default setting, admittedly) was one Wayne Rooney, who views
Ronaldinho and chums as the only nation standing between England and
World Cup glory. "Brazil are the team to beat in my eyes and if we do
manage to beat them we can go and win it," he deadpanned,
conveniently forgetting that England can't even manage to draw
against Northern Ireland One-Nil, never mind beat the world
champions.
Almost, but not quite, as unconvincing was Rooney's assertion that his
and Coleen's recent weekend break in Madrid was in no way
stage-managed to show there are no hard feelings between him and his
international skipper in the wake of their on-pitch exchange of views
at Windsor Park. "David and I are friends and I went out to see him
play," explained Rooney, making a mockery of the notion that
Beckham's "people" would even contemplate engineering such an obvious
PR stunt.
Elsewhere in the England camp, Ledley King injected a much-needed dose
of realism by saying England could probably win the World Cup, but
only with hard work and a bit of luck. "There's still some
improvement to do. You take one step at a time," he explained, as in
the background a beaky, bespectacled, middle-aged Swede attempted to
successfully place one foot in front of the other and promptly fell
flat on his face.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
INTRODUCING THE CROUCH-A-SAURUS
Finally it's here: all the 'good touch for a big man' references you
could ever want, plus some more besides, in our Crouch-a-saurus:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1588933,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I have not had my suit cleaned or my hair cut since we embarked upon
our great run way back in August. I may look a bit of a mess but I am
not complaining. Long may it continue" - Southend United's Steve
Tilson reveals the depths of his superstition following the
Shrimpers' eighth successive victory.
*********************
ANOTHER SHOCK?
Angola, Ecuador, Togo, Ghana, Saudi Arabia, England - the list of
unlikely qualifiers for next year's sure-to-be-efficiently run World
Cup grows apace. Come Wednesday, a new name may be added to that
select grouping ... Bosnia-Herzegovina. Now stable after being ripped
apart by a bloody ethnic war between Serbs and Muslims from 1992 to
1995, the Bosnians' must win their final qualifier to book a play-off
place and possibly more. Their opponents? Bitter rivals Serbia and
Montenegro. In Serbia.
With 1,000 Bosnian fans travelling to Belgrade, and the memory of a
war that caused 300,000 deaths still fresh, security will be
overwhelmingly tight. But while the fans won't be able to go at it,
hammer and tongs, there's no stopping the teams - who, judging from
their comments today, both fancy their chances. "We are going to
Belgrade with the strong conviction that we can win and I think this
team is capable of doing that," breezed Bosnia boss Blaz Sliskovic.
"It shouldn't be a surprise if we make it."
Serbian striker Mateja Kezman, meanwhile, reckons his side are certs.
"The whole of Belgrade should breathe as one on Wednesday and I am
sure the Bosnians will quickly realise what they are up against," he
boasted to local rag Vecernje Novosti. "This is the most important
match of our lives. We mustn't squander this chance to make the World
Cup finals." Squandering chances? Kezman? Surely not.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Norwegian striker Azar Karadas will return to Benfica in January after
failing to score during his spell with Portsmouth.
Henrik Larsson has rejected the chance to join Borussia Dortmund on
loan.
And Coventry City assistant Alan Cork has emerged as a last-minute
challenger to Peter Shirtliff for the managerial vacancy at
Mansfield.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
"There will be more on Sven's mind than the business of combing
through Bavarian resort-hotel brochures" - Richard Williams on the
challenge now facing England:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1588526,00.html
Win! Win! Win! We've a Samsung Z500 3G mobile phone worth GBP500 to
give away:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1586463,00.html
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP0.60 Berliner theguardian: David Pleat
spots a rising talent from outside the Premiership, and Leeds' Super
League grand final captain Kevin Sinfield on growing up with Che
Guevara.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock is deciding whether to contest the
FA's charge that he used abusive words towards referee Grant Hegley
during the Blades' 2-1 defeat at Reading.
Having scooped a record 122,800,000 crowns (GBP9.047m) on the Swedish
lottery, a fan of second division side Gute wants to spend all the
money on buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic. "We discussed the possibilities
of buying Zlatan," confirmed national lottery spokesman Tommy
Wahlgren, after talking to the unnamed 36-year-old winner, who is
currently unemployed and unmarried.
Irish FA president Jim Boyce has voiced his disapproval of the booing
of national anthems, calling instead for a "football anthem". After
the Welsh anthem was jeered by a section of the Northern Ireland
One-Nil crowd on Saturday, Boyce said: "I am considering taking this
matter up with Fifa. Perhaps a football anthem should be played at
all World Cup and European games, like in Big Cup, instead of the
national anthems."
And MU Rowdy Niners coach Ricky Sbragia has jumped ship to join Big
Sam's brigade of merry backroom men at Bolton.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I would like to congratulate the BBC for their innovative Your Shout
feature after the England game on Saturday. I don't know how I would
have got through the evening without being told by a 14-year-old boy
that Frank Lampard had taken a good penalty" - Ian Shelton.
"Why has no one spotted that Peter Crouch is Surprisingly Poor In The
Air For A Big Man? I have never seen someone with such a clear height
advantage over his opponents consistently lose so many headers as he
did against Austria" - Dom Lane.
"I once got Peter Crouch booked after he scored for Norwich at
Gillingham - he threw himself into the crowd to embrace the fans and
celebrate what, at the time, looked like quite an important goal. I
can tell you that he's got a good smooch for a big man" - Robert
Ellson.
"Did anybody else hear the scream of anguish heard from Arsene
Wenger's house when Sol Campbell went off injured on Saturday?" -
Paul Tehan.
"Re Daniel Tunnard's comment (Thursday's TV and Radio). What's an
urban sombrero?" - Dan Cornish [You don't watch Seinfeld, shame on
you - Fiver Ed].
"I was visiting New Jersey in 1937 eagerly awaiting the arrival of the
Hindenberg, when it came in to land a spectator shouted 'Oi! Neville
Southall!'. I couldn't tell if it was gutted but it did appear
deflated" - Chris Armond.
"Any chance of a T-shirt for spotting the Nick Cave quote at the
bottom of Friday's Fiver? I promise to only ever wear it with my
powder blue sta-pressed seersucker suit" - Adam Davies [and you were
doing so well until that last sentence - Fiver Ed]
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. Today's
winner: Dom Lane.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky One: The Match (10.30pm)
We asked you to cleanse your consciences by owning up to the most
despicable acts you've ever perpetrated and your confessions have
been trickling in. Very slowly.
Sky Sports 1: Live Football League - Bradford City v Huddersfield Town
(7.30pm)
"My heart hangs heavy with guilt over something I helped do to my
housemate," writes Nicholas Pettifer, upon genuflecting and entering
Father O'Fiver's confessional.
Playball (10pm)
"He was a couple of years younger than the rest of us and really
excited about his 21st birthday, so we decided to set him 21
challenges to keep him occupied on the big day."
You're On Sky Sports (10.15pm)
Thoughtful, considerate, showed you cared and guaranteed to keep him
out of trouble, eh?
Best Of Soccer AM (11.45pm)
"Sadly, we chose the tasks while drunk."
Football League (12.30am)
Oh. "They started calmly enough, but spiralled out of control after
we forced him to run into our local pharmacy and exclaim that he had
a nosebleed, before wedging two tampons up his nose.
British Eurosport: International Football - Turkey v Germany (6pm)
"Later, we made him self-harm.
World Cup Football (10.30pm)
"As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the lads decided he hadn't
suffered enough and decided to wizz in his pint.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"The birthday boy was so drunk, he didn't notice ...
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"... until several days later when he saw the photograph of his
'friend' standing with instrument in hand, topping up his beverage.
He was not impressed."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Not bad, but we're sure you can do better. So if that bag of puppies
you drowned is gnawing away at your conscience, we want to hear about
it. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and mark your missive: Purge The
Soul.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WINNING AND BEING LOVED SURE BEATS LOSING AND BEING IGNORED
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning and Sean Ingle. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
10 October 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: World Champs?
and Something More Realistic
* * * * * * * * * * * *
ENGLAND EXPECTS (TOO MUCH, YET AGAIN)
With qualification for the Fifa Fujifilm Mastercard McDonald's Londis
World Cup 2006 in the bag, England's players have wasted no time in
entering the realm of fantasy by talking up their chances of winning
the whole German jamboree. Needless to say, this is good news for
cynical Fiver writers, who diligently file every ludicrous boast in a
time capsule that will be opened and used as evidence against Team
England as soon as they limp out of the second round on penalties
after conceding a late equaliser against Togo.
"I wouldn't settle for getting knocked out in the last four. The aim
is certainly to get to the semi-final, but it wouldn't stop there,"
said Michael Owen, as nearby reporters wondered if he was talking
about England's chances in the cricket World Cup. Equally bullish
(his default setting, admittedly) was one Wayne Rooney, who views
Ronaldinho and chums as the only nation standing between England and
World Cup glory. "Brazil are the team to beat in my eyes and if we do
manage to beat them we can go and win it," he deadpanned,
conveniently forgetting that England can't even manage to draw
against Northern Ireland One-Nil, never mind beat the world
champions.
Almost, but not quite, as unconvincing was Rooney's assertion that his
and Coleen's recent weekend break in Madrid was in no way
stage-managed to show there are no hard feelings between him and his
international skipper in the wake of their on-pitch exchange of views
at Windsor Park. "David and I are friends and I went out to see him
play," explained Rooney, making a mockery of the notion that
Beckham's "people" would even contemplate engineering such an obvious
PR stunt.
Elsewhere in the England camp, Ledley King injected a much-needed dose
of realism by saying England could probably win the World Cup, but
only with hard work and a bit of luck. "There's still some
improvement to do. You take one step at a time," he explained, as in
the background a beaky, bespectacled, middle-aged Swede attempted to
successfully place one foot in front of the other and promptly fell
flat on his face.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
INTRODUCING THE CROUCH-A-SAURUS
Finally it's here: all the 'good touch for a big man' references you
could ever want, plus some more besides, in our Crouch-a-saurus:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1588933,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I have not had my suit cleaned or my hair cut since we embarked upon
our great run way back in August. I may look a bit of a mess but I am
not complaining. Long may it continue" - Southend United's Steve
Tilson reveals the depths of his superstition following the
Shrimpers' eighth successive victory.
*********************
ANOTHER SHOCK?
Angola, Ecuador, Togo, Ghana, Saudi Arabia, England - the list of
unlikely qualifiers for next year's sure-to-be-efficiently run World
Cup grows apace. Come Wednesday, a new name may be added to that
select grouping ... Bosnia-Herzegovina. Now stable after being ripped
apart by a bloody ethnic war between Serbs and Muslims from 1992 to
1995, the Bosnians' must win their final qualifier to book a play-off
place and possibly more. Their opponents? Bitter rivals Serbia and
Montenegro. In Serbia.
With 1,000 Bosnian fans travelling to Belgrade, and the memory of a
war that caused 300,000 deaths still fresh, security will be
overwhelmingly tight. But while the fans won't be able to go at it,
hammer and tongs, there's no stopping the teams - who, judging from
their comments today, both fancy their chances. "We are going to
Belgrade with the strong conviction that we can win and I think this
team is capable of doing that," breezed Bosnia boss Blaz Sliskovic.
"It shouldn't be a surprise if we make it."
Serbian striker Mateja Kezman, meanwhile, reckons his side are certs.
"The whole of Belgrade should breathe as one on Wednesday and I am
sure the Bosnians will quickly realise what they are up against," he
boasted to local rag Vecernje Novosti. "This is the most important
match of our lives. We mustn't squander this chance to make the World
Cup finals." Squandering chances? Kezman? Surely not.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Norwegian striker Azar Karadas will return to Benfica in January after
failing to score during his spell with Portsmouth.
Henrik Larsson has rejected the chance to join Borussia Dortmund on
loan.
And Coventry City assistant Alan Cork has emerged as a last-minute
challenger to Peter Shirtliff for the managerial vacancy at
Mansfield.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
"There will be more on Sven's mind than the business of combing
through Bavarian resort-hotel brochures" - Richard Williams on the
challenge now facing England:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1588526,00.html
Win! Win! Win! We've a Samsung Z500 3G mobile phone worth GBP500 to
give away:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1586463,00.html
And in tomorrow's bumper GBP0.60 Berliner theguardian: David Pleat
spots a rising talent from outside the Premiership, and Leeds' Super
League grand final captain Kevin Sinfield on growing up with Che
Guevara.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock is deciding whether to contest the
FA's charge that he used abusive words towards referee Grant Hegley
during the Blades' 2-1 defeat at Reading.
Having scooped a record 122,800,000 crowns (GBP9.047m) on the Swedish
lottery, a fan of second division side Gute wants to spend all the
money on buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic. "We discussed the possibilities
of buying Zlatan," confirmed national lottery spokesman Tommy
Wahlgren, after talking to the unnamed 36-year-old winner, who is
currently unemployed and unmarried.
Irish FA president Jim Boyce has voiced his disapproval of the booing
of national anthems, calling instead for a "football anthem". After
the Welsh anthem was jeered by a section of the Northern Ireland
One-Nil crowd on Saturday, Boyce said: "I am considering taking this
matter up with Fifa. Perhaps a football anthem should be played at
all World Cup and European games, like in Big Cup, instead of the
national anthems."
And MU Rowdy Niners coach Ricky Sbragia has jumped ship to join Big
Sam's brigade of merry backroom men at Bolton.
* * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I would like to congratulate the BBC for their innovative Your Shout
feature after the England game on Saturday. I don't know how I would
have got through the evening without being told by a 14-year-old boy
that Frank Lampard had taken a good penalty" - Ian Shelton.
"Why has no one spotted that Peter Crouch is Surprisingly Poor In The
Air For A Big Man? I have never seen someone with such a clear height
advantage over his opponents consistently lose so many headers as he
did against Austria" - Dom Lane.
"I once got Peter Crouch booked after he scored for Norwich at
Gillingham - he threw himself into the crowd to embrace the fans and
celebrate what, at the time, looked like quite an important goal. I
can tell you that he's got a good smooch for a big man" - Robert
Ellson.
"Did anybody else hear the scream of anguish heard from Arsene
Wenger's house when Sol Campbell went off injured on Saturday?" -
Paul Tehan.
"Re Daniel Tunnard's comment (Thursday's TV and Radio). What's an
urban sombrero?" - Dan Cornish [You don't watch Seinfeld, shame on
you - Fiver Ed].
"I was visiting New Jersey in 1937 eagerly awaiting the arrival of the
Hindenberg, when it came in to land a spectator shouted 'Oi! Neville
Southall!'. I couldn't tell if it was gutted but it did appear
deflated" - Chris Armond.
"Any chance of a T-shirt for spotting the Nick Cave quote at the
bottom of Friday's Fiver? I promise to only ever wear it with my
powder blue sta-pressed seersucker suit" - Adam Davies [and you were
doing so well until that last sentence - Fiver Ed]
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. Today's
winner: Dom Lane.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky One: The Match (10.30pm)
We asked you to cleanse your consciences by owning up to the most
despicable acts you've ever perpetrated and your confessions have
been trickling in. Very slowly.
Sky Sports 1: Live Football League - Bradford City v Huddersfield Town
(7.30pm)
"My heart hangs heavy with guilt over something I helped do to my
housemate," writes Nicholas Pettifer, upon genuflecting and entering
Father O'Fiver's confessional.
Playball (10pm)
"He was a couple of years younger than the rest of us and really
excited about his 21st birthday, so we decided to set him 21
challenges to keep him occupied on the big day."
You're On Sky Sports (10.15pm)
Thoughtful, considerate, showed you cared and guaranteed to keep him
out of trouble, eh?
Best Of Soccer AM (11.45pm)
"Sadly, we chose the tasks while drunk."
Football League (12.30am)
Oh. "They started calmly enough, but spiralled out of control after
we forced him to run into our local pharmacy and exclaim that he had
a nosebleed, before wedging two tampons up his nose.
British Eurosport: International Football - Turkey v Germany (6pm)
"Later, we made him self-harm.
World Cup Football (10.30pm)
"As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the lads decided he hadn't
suffered enough and decided to wizz in his pint.
Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"The birthday boy was so drunk, he didn't notice ...
Talksport: Kick-Off (7pm)
"... until several days later when he saw the photograph of his
'friend' standing with instrument in hand, topping up his beverage.
He was not impressed."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Not bad, but we're sure you can do better. So if that bag of puppies
you drowned is gnawing away at your conscience, we want to hear about
it. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and mark your missive: Purge The
Soul.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WINNING AND BEING LOVED SURE BEATS LOSING AND BEING IGNORED
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning and Sean Ingle. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.