Post by Salem6 on Aug 27, 2005 9:09:04 GMT
The Fiver
26 August 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Living On A Prayer, and
Shot In The Heart
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BREAKING NEWS: NEWCASTLE SIGN A STRIKER
After failing to sign (deep breath) Nicolas Anelka, Luis Boa Morte,
Michael Owen, Mark Viduka, Andres D'Alessandro, Fredi Kanoute and
countless others (and relax), Newcastle United Comedy Club have
completed a GBP9.5m move for Albert Luque. "I'm very happy to sign,"
Luque told the club's official website, www.betterlatethannever.com.
"This transfer has been talked about for a while now, and it is good
to be here and have the matter resolved. I am looking forward to
playing at this fantastic stadium with Alan Shearer. I am very
excited to be here."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
POLICE AND THIEVES (AND A EURO VASE DRAW)
When the Fiver goes travelling, there are several things it always
takes - passport, thong, advantage of liberal licensing laws - but so
far it's never had to worry about getting engulfed in a gangland war
(queue-jumping at Euro Disney not yet having degenerated so far). So
we've no advice whatsoever for Bolton Wanderers, who learned today
that their reward for making the Euro Vase for the first time in
their history is a clash with Lokomotiv Plovdiv - whose chairman was
last night shot dead by a mafia-hired sniper.
Bulgarian police say Georgi Iliev was killed as he chatted in a bar,
just 40 minutes after congratulating his team for winning their
second-round tie against OFK Belgrade. It seems the 39-year-old - who
had spent several spells in prison for robberies and much worse (we
would say but it won't get through your firewall) - had murderous
enemies in the Bulgarian underworld. Little wonder, then, that Bolton
sound worried. "After something as serious as this, we'll definitely
be looking at what sort of security arrangements we need to take," a
Trotters spokesman assured the Fiver. "We'll probably make an
announcement early next week."
No need to wait till next week, however, for news of Stelios
Giannakopoulos: far from doing a runner from the Reebok, the Greek
midfielder today signed a new three-year deal, which means he'll be
around to welcome Croatian centre-back Igor Tudor, whom Sam Allardyce
has talked into coming on loan from Juventus for a year. Meanwhile,
back in the Euro Vase draw, Everton were paired with Dinamo
Bucharest, and Middlesbrough's Steve McClaren learned he'll have to
do some research on Xanthi Skoda. Helpfully, the Fiver can reveal
that though they finished fourth last season, Xanthi are currently
rooted to the bottom of the Greek league. Albeit alphabetically,
because the new season hasn't started yet.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
YOUR MATCH REPORT
Spotted something about your Premiership team that no one else has?
Maybe a tiny problem that drags players out of position and snowballs
into a serious chink in your armour? Or maybe you can properly
justify why they should play a particular pairing up front - or at
the back. Whatever you've spotted, the Guardian sportsdesk is waiting
to be impressed: send your 100-word observations to
your.match@guardian.co.uk. They'll publish the best of them.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"We still have the highest regard and complete faith in our manager.
We fully support our manager. He has not let us down to date and I
don't think he will let us down now" - Three games in, and Bernard
Cribbins is already getting a vote of confidence from Bongo FC's
David Gold.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Despite shelling out GBP9.5m for Albert Luque, Fat Freddy Shepherd
still wants to bring Michael Owen to the Newcastle United Comedy
Club.
Meanwhile, in a ringing endorsement of his own transfer policy, boss
Graeme Souness is hoping to loan Amdy Faye back to Portsmouth, just
seven months after spending GBP2m on him.
Portmouth are keen on Juventus's forward Fabrizio Miccoli, but he has
his heart set on Big Cup action with Benfica.
The Queen's Celtic have told Fulham where they can go with their bid
for Stilian Petrov.
And Luton are hoping to lure Ajax's Ghanaian midfielder Anthony Obodai
to Kenilworth Road.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Let the bookies fund your weekend with our top tips:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1556323,00.html
"This is a game Sunderland must win" - Niall Quinn on why the Black
Cats' date with Wigan tomorrow is already a six-pointer:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1556826,00.html
Why not waste more work time by following our live over-by-over
coverage of the fourth Ashes Test:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/overbyover/story/0,16077,1556045,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The FA has ended its policy of rescinding every Premiership red card
this season by upholding Nol Solano's dismissal at Portsmouth. It has
also charged Blackeye Rovers defender Andy Todd with violent conduct
for headbutting THFC' Andy Reid.
Everton have completed Matteo Ferrari's season-long loan signing from
Roma and are close to signing Andy van der Meyde for GBP2m.
Steve Claridge's bid to play for every league club in England
continues apace. He's just signed for Bradford, where he'll line up
with Dean Windass, 98.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: yesterday's Fiver: 'take a bow, Arsenal, who drew Ajax, Sparta
Prague and FC Thun (not a Nordic god, but the Swiss champions).' Er,
Basel/Basle/Barrrlllll were the Swiss champions last season, making
Arsenal's draw seemingly even simpler - Francis O'Brien (and many
others).
"What's the problem with Michael Owen staying at Real? Following
recent tournament failures being put down to England's lack of
fitness due to an exhausting Premiership season, surely playing
30-odd games in a World Cup season is preferable to the rigors of a
return to the English top flight?" - John Abbott.
"Frank Lampard is a horrible father. Not only does he give his son a
name only Beckham's offspring can match in the
surely-will-be-bullied-at-school-stakes, he also has to give Luna
Coco Patricia Lampard (does he actually know any boys' names?) a
hackneyed 'rock the baby'" - do you want to tell David Xiong that
Luna's a girl, or shall we?
"Re: James Campbell's letter [yesterday's Fiver] suggesting a special
blue card and the goalie has to wear a blindfold for five minutes. Am
I the only one to think that this might actually improve David
James's performances?" - Jane Nixon.
"Re: yesterday's Fiver. Duh, Rangers are protestant... Celtic are
Catholic!" - Matt Kilburn becomes the millionth person to miss this
joke entirely.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. We
reserve the right to rescind prizes and publish the email addresses
of plagiarists to mock, embarrass or humiliate them. Today's winner:
John Abbot.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
ITV1: European Super Cup Final - Liverpool v CSKA Moscow (7.30pm)
"Many years ago, I was at a wedding of an ex-girlfriend's best
friend," says Niall Mackinnon, kicking off today's tale of best man
bungling.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mundial (5.30pm)
"The best man's speech, delivered by the groom's boyhood chum, was
going nicely, with lots of tales of laddishness, etc.
Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
"Unfortunately, he didn't know much about the bride, Michelle.
Looking at a gardening book he came across the Michelle rose...
Premier League Preview (7pm)
"...and proceeded to list its virtues, to sounds of cooing from all
the elderly relatives, who bought all that stuff about a 'beautiful
flower, delicate of bloom with an exquisite perfume'."
Sky Sports 2: Live Football League - QPR v Sheffield Wednesday
(7.30pm)
Textbook stuff, and no mistake. Where's the catch?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"The clincher came when he rounded off the speech by noting that the
Michelle rose was almost perfect, except that it was 'not much good
in a bed, but great up against a wall'.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"Cue look of thunder from the bride's father and someone collapsing
in hysterics, taking the entire buffet crashing to the floor with
them." Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger
Gilroy (7pm)
A fine way to enter the bank holiday weekend. Got something better?
(And by better, we don't mean the umpteen versions of 'pull the pig'
we've been sent every day since starting this thing). Send them to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked Your Inbox Will Like It, Even If The
In-Laws Didn't.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
MONDAY IS A BANK HOLIDAY, SEE YOU TUESDAY
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
26 August 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Living On A Prayer, and
Shot In The Heart
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BREAKING NEWS: NEWCASTLE SIGN A STRIKER
After failing to sign (deep breath) Nicolas Anelka, Luis Boa Morte,
Michael Owen, Mark Viduka, Andres D'Alessandro, Fredi Kanoute and
countless others (and relax), Newcastle United Comedy Club have
completed a GBP9.5m move for Albert Luque. "I'm very happy to sign,"
Luque told the club's official website, www.betterlatethannever.com.
"This transfer has been talked about for a while now, and it is good
to be here and have the matter resolved. I am looking forward to
playing at this fantastic stadium with Alan Shearer. I am very
excited to be here."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
POLICE AND THIEVES (AND A EURO VASE DRAW)
When the Fiver goes travelling, there are several things it always
takes - passport, thong, advantage of liberal licensing laws - but so
far it's never had to worry about getting engulfed in a gangland war
(queue-jumping at Euro Disney not yet having degenerated so far). So
we've no advice whatsoever for Bolton Wanderers, who learned today
that their reward for making the Euro Vase for the first time in
their history is a clash with Lokomotiv Plovdiv - whose chairman was
last night shot dead by a mafia-hired sniper.
Bulgarian police say Georgi Iliev was killed as he chatted in a bar,
just 40 minutes after congratulating his team for winning their
second-round tie against OFK Belgrade. It seems the 39-year-old - who
had spent several spells in prison for robberies and much worse (we
would say but it won't get through your firewall) - had murderous
enemies in the Bulgarian underworld. Little wonder, then, that Bolton
sound worried. "After something as serious as this, we'll definitely
be looking at what sort of security arrangements we need to take," a
Trotters spokesman assured the Fiver. "We'll probably make an
announcement early next week."
No need to wait till next week, however, for news of Stelios
Giannakopoulos: far from doing a runner from the Reebok, the Greek
midfielder today signed a new three-year deal, which means he'll be
around to welcome Croatian centre-back Igor Tudor, whom Sam Allardyce
has talked into coming on loan from Juventus for a year. Meanwhile,
back in the Euro Vase draw, Everton were paired with Dinamo
Bucharest, and Middlesbrough's Steve McClaren learned he'll have to
do some research on Xanthi Skoda. Helpfully, the Fiver can reveal
that though they finished fourth last season, Xanthi are currently
rooted to the bottom of the Greek league. Albeit alphabetically,
because the new season hasn't started yet.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
YOUR MATCH REPORT
Spotted something about your Premiership team that no one else has?
Maybe a tiny problem that drags players out of position and snowballs
into a serious chink in your armour? Or maybe you can properly
justify why they should play a particular pairing up front - or at
the back. Whatever you've spotted, the Guardian sportsdesk is waiting
to be impressed: send your 100-word observations to
your.match@guardian.co.uk. They'll publish the best of them.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"We still have the highest regard and complete faith in our manager.
We fully support our manager. He has not let us down to date and I
don't think he will let us down now" - Three games in, and Bernard
Cribbins is already getting a vote of confidence from Bongo FC's
David Gold.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Despite shelling out GBP9.5m for Albert Luque, Fat Freddy Shepherd
still wants to bring Michael Owen to the Newcastle United Comedy
Club.
Meanwhile, in a ringing endorsement of his own transfer policy, boss
Graeme Souness is hoping to loan Amdy Faye back to Portsmouth, just
seven months after spending GBP2m on him.
Portmouth are keen on Juventus's forward Fabrizio Miccoli, but he has
his heart set on Big Cup action with Benfica.
The Queen's Celtic have told Fulham where they can go with their bid
for Stilian Petrov.
And Luton are hoping to lure Ajax's Ghanaian midfielder Anthony Obodai
to Kenilworth Road.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Let the bookies fund your weekend with our top tips:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1556323,00.html
"This is a game Sunderland must win" - Niall Quinn on why the Black
Cats' date with Wigan tomorrow is already a six-pointer:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1556826,00.html
Why not waste more work time by following our live over-by-over
coverage of the fourth Ashes Test:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/overbyover/story/0,16077,1556045,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The FA has ended its policy of rescinding every Premiership red card
this season by upholding Nol Solano's dismissal at Portsmouth. It has
also charged Blackeye Rovers defender Andy Todd with violent conduct
for headbutting THFC' Andy Reid.
Everton have completed Matteo Ferrari's season-long loan signing from
Roma and are close to signing Andy van der Meyde for GBP2m.
Steve Claridge's bid to play for every league club in England
continues apace. He's just signed for Bradford, where he'll line up
with Dean Windass, 98.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: yesterday's Fiver: 'take a bow, Arsenal, who drew Ajax, Sparta
Prague and FC Thun (not a Nordic god, but the Swiss champions).' Er,
Basel/Basle/Barrrlllll were the Swiss champions last season, making
Arsenal's draw seemingly even simpler - Francis O'Brien (and many
others).
"What's the problem with Michael Owen staying at Real? Following
recent tournament failures being put down to England's lack of
fitness due to an exhausting Premiership season, surely playing
30-odd games in a World Cup season is preferable to the rigors of a
return to the English top flight?" - John Abbott.
"Frank Lampard is a horrible father. Not only does he give his son a
name only Beckham's offspring can match in the
surely-will-be-bullied-at-school-stakes, he also has to give Luna
Coco Patricia Lampard (does he actually know any boys' names?) a
hackneyed 'rock the baby'" - do you want to tell David Xiong that
Luna's a girl, or shall we?
"Re: James Campbell's letter [yesterday's Fiver] suggesting a special
blue card and the goalie has to wear a blindfold for five minutes. Am
I the only one to think that this might actually improve David
James's performances?" - Jane Nixon.
"Re: yesterday's Fiver. Duh, Rangers are protestant... Celtic are
Catholic!" - Matt Kilburn becomes the millionth person to miss this
joke entirely.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. We
reserve the right to rescind prizes and publish the email addresses
of plagiarists to mock, embarrass or humiliate them. Today's winner:
John Abbot.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
ITV1: European Super Cup Final - Liverpool v CSKA Moscow (7.30pm)
"Many years ago, I was at a wedding of an ex-girlfriend's best
friend," says Niall Mackinnon, kicking off today's tale of best man
bungling.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mundial (5.30pm)
"The best man's speech, delivered by the groom's boyhood chum, was
going nicely, with lots of tales of laddishness, etc.
Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
"Unfortunately, he didn't know much about the bride, Michelle.
Looking at a gardening book he came across the Michelle rose...
Premier League Preview (7pm)
"...and proceeded to list its virtues, to sounds of cooing from all
the elderly relatives, who bought all that stuff about a 'beautiful
flower, delicate of bloom with an exquisite perfume'."
Sky Sports 2: Live Football League - QPR v Sheffield Wednesday
(7.30pm)
Textbook stuff, and no mistake. Where's the catch?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"The clincher came when he rounded off the speech by noting that the
Michelle rose was almost perfect, except that it was 'not much good
in a bed, but great up against a wall'.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"Cue look of thunder from the bride's father and someone collapsing
in hysterics, taking the entire buffet crashing to the floor with
them." Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger
Gilroy (7pm)
A fine way to enter the bank holiday weekend. Got something better?
(And by better, we don't mean the umpteen versions of 'pull the pig'
we've been sent every day since starting this thing). Send them to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked Your Inbox Will Like It, Even If The
In-Laws Didn't.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
MONDAY IS A BANK HOLIDAY, SEE YOU TUESDAY
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.