Post by Salem6 on Aug 5, 2005 8:52:34 GMT
The Fiver
03 August 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Florentino Perez's Fluffer
* * * * * * * * * * * *
OWEN, OWEN, STAYING?
The Fiver has it on good authority that when Michael Owen first heard
of Newcastle's interest in him, back in February, he burst out
laughing. And who could blame him? For after spending seven months at
Real picking splinters out of his specially-made XXXXXS shorts, Owen
was scoring goals for fun, and - for the first time - feeling wanted
in Madrid. But now that the signings of Robinho and Julio Baptista
have pushed Owen behind Florentino Perez's fluffer in the pecking
order, he probably wants to cry. Instead, he's fallen back on that
classic footballing cliche: the come-and-get-me plea.
"Real contacted my advisors over the weekend and explained that they
wanted me to stay, but would not stand in my way if the right
opportunity arose for me to return to the Premiership," Owen
stuttered, moments before a flamenco boot sent him spinning through a
Bernabeu side door. "With the knowledge of Real, there has been brief
dialogue with three or four Premiership clubs, although no formal
negotiations have taken place."
As ever, the devil is in the detail. Note that Owen only wants a move
back to England - ruling out rumours that Barcelona are sniffing
around. Note too, that Owen, doesn't know whether it's three or four
clubs who want to sign him, which is bizarre for a striker who, in
his very next sentence mentions - with Exocet-missile precision -
that he "started 26 games and scored 16 goals".
So what's going on? Well, Owen would clearly favour a move back to the
north west, where he's just renovated his swanky mansion. The problem
is that Rafa Benitez isn't keen on bringing him back to Liverpool
(although chief executive Rick Parry is) and the MU Churchmice can't
afford him. That leaves Arsenal, who strangely aren't keen despite
being needing a fox-in-a-box. And Newcastle. And Owen, despite being
mates with Alan Shearer, doesn't want to be at a club that's likely
to lose its manager by October. Of course there's always his usual
spot on the Real bench. An unlikely, er, move? Perhaps. But
GBP80,000-a-week is a pretty hefty sweetener.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"We have received an anonymous email which we are attempting to
establish the source of" - a Premier League spokesman remains at a
loss to think how anyone could dislike referee Graham Poll enough to
allege he clambered on top of cars parked outside a hotel while in a
state of refreshment.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Despite having hung a GBP20m price tag from that shiny stud in his
ear, Newcastle United might let Jermaine Jenas go to Arsenal for as
little as GBP12m.
Sven-Goran Eriksson might well see Middlesbrough's Joseph Desire Job
partnering collapsible striker Andy Johnson on one of his many trips
to watch Crystal Palace play Championship football next season.
SundIreland manager Mick O'McCarthy has taken a liking to the cut of
Olivier Bernard's gib, while Torpedo Moscow striker Andres Oper is
also attracting come-hither looks from the Stadium of Light.
Having told Henri Camara to sit on his astronomical wage demands and
swivel at great speed, Wigan have lined up Marcus Bent and Norwich's
Damien Francis in their cross-hairs.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The sight of men in fluorescent bibs and hard hats sitting around a
half-built Wembley stadium drinking tea has prompted the FA to make
plans to stage next year's FA Cup final in Cardiff's Millennium
Stadium.
The number of former Iranian Under-20 internationals named Sharu
Naraji who've been handed one-year contracts by Sheffield United has
increased by one.
Joey Barton is in line for a Manchester City recall against Olympiakos
on Saturday after making a surprise appearance for the reserve team
last night.
After a week thrashing out personal terms, Edgar Davids has
successfully coughed for the doctor, picked up his GBP1.5m
signing-fee and finally joined THFC.
Bernard "Pippa" Cribbins has welcomed Nicky Butt to his Bongo FC home
for outcasts and delinquents on a season-long loan deal which could
lead to a permanent move ...
... but want-away Charlton Athletic striker Jason Euell is unlikely to
join him - a dislocated shoulder looks set to keep him unhappy at the
Valley.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Which footballer's name will earn you the most points at Scrabble?
Find out in the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1538910,00.html
Richard Williams on a season build-up so noxious, Diego Maradona is
acting as a beacon:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1541328,00.html
It's Fantasy Chairman time, so let's be having you! Hic! Sign up NOW
for the chance to win 10,000 quid! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Check out the latest games, books and gadgets in the Gear:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/0,12490,803746,00.html
And let us build up your hopes before the Aussies dash them again in
our features-packed Ashes special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Am I the only Fiver reader who deletes the email upon reading it?
Judging by the number of people tracking plagiarists, the majority of
readers appear to have a complicated database of archived Fiver data
that allows them to easily cross-reference all published letters and
stories to ensure originality. Or has someone already sent this
question in previously?" - Michael McBrinn.
"Has anyone else noticed that from above, Coventry's new stadium looks
like a Muller Crunch Corner?" - Ben Stokes.
"So Adam in New York thinks it's hilarious that an American match
announcer called Jaap Stam 'Jacob'. He's going to feel about two
inches tall when he learns Jakob Jaap Stam's real name. Perhaps he
could hide in a 35mm film canister?" - Fran Meagher (and others).
"In yesterday's TV & Radio, you omitted Liverpool playing in a Big Cup
qualifier on ITV2. As a result, I sat through three-quarters of the
last ever episode of Star Trek Enterprise, before flicking over to
see Peter Crouch demonstrating what a good touch he has etc. My
girlfriend now thinks that I am a nerd and is threatening to leave
me. Thanks" - Chris Brock, London.
"The name 'Manchester United' was used in the News in Brief section of
yesterday's Fiver. I assume it was a Fiver in-joke and not a careless
oversight" - Gerry Duignan.
"When Saturday Comes popped through my letterbox this morning,
complete with a picture of Craig Bellamy in his brand new Blackeye
Rovers kit. Their sponsors? Renowned boxing equipment manufacturer
Lonsdale. How appropriate" - Darren Leathley.
"Re: yesterday's quote of the day. I suppose it's just about
biologically possible that 48-year-old Gordon Strachan's dad is only
60, but who wasn't shocked by the arithmetic? Or am I being old
fashioned?" - Angus Hardie (and many others).
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com.
Today's winner: Michael McBrinn.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Live Uefa Intertoto Cup - Newcastle v Deportivo La
Coruna (7.30pm)
"When I was 15 I spent a week on work experience [ie stuffing
envelopes] at a law firm in London," says Paul Knapp, whose 15
minutes of fame story came out of the lucky dip today. "My last day
in court coincided with Linford Christiewinning a libel trial.
Premiership Years (10pm)
"At the end of the day, me and a couple of other teenyboppers hung
around to get the great man's autograph - and were surprisingly
successful.
J League Weekly (2am)
"Grinning with adolescent pride, we followed him out of the court
into a melee of hacks, who had cameras and notepads at the ready. I
tried to look as professional as possible, stood beside him as he
gave his victorious interviews.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"And there I was on the front cover of Saturday's Times, next to
Britain's greatest ever sprinter, looking like either a legal prodigy
or a shambolic young hanger-on.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"I hope it was the former, but I suspect not." Someone out there must
have something better? If so, send it to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked As My Close Personal Friend P Diddy Is Wont To Say.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk
* * * * * * * * * * *
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I HAVEN'T TURNED MY TELEPHONE UPSIDE DOWN
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
03 August 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Florentino Perez's Fluffer
* * * * * * * * * * * *
OWEN, OWEN, STAYING?
The Fiver has it on good authority that when Michael Owen first heard
of Newcastle's interest in him, back in February, he burst out
laughing. And who could blame him? For after spending seven months at
Real picking splinters out of his specially-made XXXXXS shorts, Owen
was scoring goals for fun, and - for the first time - feeling wanted
in Madrid. But now that the signings of Robinho and Julio Baptista
have pushed Owen behind Florentino Perez's fluffer in the pecking
order, he probably wants to cry. Instead, he's fallen back on that
classic footballing cliche: the come-and-get-me plea.
"Real contacted my advisors over the weekend and explained that they
wanted me to stay, but would not stand in my way if the right
opportunity arose for me to return to the Premiership," Owen
stuttered, moments before a flamenco boot sent him spinning through a
Bernabeu side door. "With the knowledge of Real, there has been brief
dialogue with three or four Premiership clubs, although no formal
negotiations have taken place."
As ever, the devil is in the detail. Note that Owen only wants a move
back to England - ruling out rumours that Barcelona are sniffing
around. Note too, that Owen, doesn't know whether it's three or four
clubs who want to sign him, which is bizarre for a striker who, in
his very next sentence mentions - with Exocet-missile precision -
that he "started 26 games and scored 16 goals".
So what's going on? Well, Owen would clearly favour a move back to the
north west, where he's just renovated his swanky mansion. The problem
is that Rafa Benitez isn't keen on bringing him back to Liverpool
(although chief executive Rick Parry is) and the MU Churchmice can't
afford him. That leaves Arsenal, who strangely aren't keen despite
being needing a fox-in-a-box. And Newcastle. And Owen, despite being
mates with Alan Shearer, doesn't want to be at a club that's likely
to lose its manager by October. Of course there's always his usual
spot on the Real bench. An unlikely, er, move? Perhaps. But
GBP80,000-a-week is a pretty hefty sweetener.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"We have received an anonymous email which we are attempting to
establish the source of" - a Premier League spokesman remains at a
loss to think how anyone could dislike referee Graham Poll enough to
allege he clambered on top of cars parked outside a hotel while in a
state of refreshment.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Despite having hung a GBP20m price tag from that shiny stud in his
ear, Newcastle United might let Jermaine Jenas go to Arsenal for as
little as GBP12m.
Sven-Goran Eriksson might well see Middlesbrough's Joseph Desire Job
partnering collapsible striker Andy Johnson on one of his many trips
to watch Crystal Palace play Championship football next season.
SundIreland manager Mick O'McCarthy has taken a liking to the cut of
Olivier Bernard's gib, while Torpedo Moscow striker Andres Oper is
also attracting come-hither looks from the Stadium of Light.
Having told Henri Camara to sit on his astronomical wage demands and
swivel at great speed, Wigan have lined up Marcus Bent and Norwich's
Damien Francis in their cross-hairs.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The sight of men in fluorescent bibs and hard hats sitting around a
half-built Wembley stadium drinking tea has prompted the FA to make
plans to stage next year's FA Cup final in Cardiff's Millennium
Stadium.
The number of former Iranian Under-20 internationals named Sharu
Naraji who've been handed one-year contracts by Sheffield United has
increased by one.
Joey Barton is in line for a Manchester City recall against Olympiakos
on Saturday after making a surprise appearance for the reserve team
last night.
After a week thrashing out personal terms, Edgar Davids has
successfully coughed for the doctor, picked up his GBP1.5m
signing-fee and finally joined THFC.
Bernard "Pippa" Cribbins has welcomed Nicky Butt to his Bongo FC home
for outcasts and delinquents on a season-long loan deal which could
lead to a permanent move ...
... but want-away Charlton Athletic striker Jason Euell is unlikely to
join him - a dislocated shoulder looks set to keep him unhappy at the
Valley.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Which footballer's name will earn you the most points at Scrabble?
Find out in the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1538910,00.html
Richard Williams on a season build-up so noxious, Diego Maradona is
acting as a beacon:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1541328,00.html
It's Fantasy Chairman time, so let's be having you! Hic! Sign up NOW
for the chance to win 10,000 quid! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Check out the latest games, books and gadgets in the Gear:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/0,12490,803746,00.html
And let us build up your hopes before the Aussies dash them again in
our features-packed Ashes special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Am I the only Fiver reader who deletes the email upon reading it?
Judging by the number of people tracking plagiarists, the majority of
readers appear to have a complicated database of archived Fiver data
that allows them to easily cross-reference all published letters and
stories to ensure originality. Or has someone already sent this
question in previously?" - Michael McBrinn.
"Has anyone else noticed that from above, Coventry's new stadium looks
like a Muller Crunch Corner?" - Ben Stokes.
"So Adam in New York thinks it's hilarious that an American match
announcer called Jaap Stam 'Jacob'. He's going to feel about two
inches tall when he learns Jakob Jaap Stam's real name. Perhaps he
could hide in a 35mm film canister?" - Fran Meagher (and others).
"In yesterday's TV & Radio, you omitted Liverpool playing in a Big Cup
qualifier on ITV2. As a result, I sat through three-quarters of the
last ever episode of Star Trek Enterprise, before flicking over to
see Peter Crouch demonstrating what a good touch he has etc. My
girlfriend now thinks that I am a nerd and is threatening to leave
me. Thanks" - Chris Brock, London.
"The name 'Manchester United' was used in the News in Brief section of
yesterday's Fiver. I assume it was a Fiver in-joke and not a careless
oversight" - Gerry Duignan.
"When Saturday Comes popped through my letterbox this morning,
complete with a picture of Craig Bellamy in his brand new Blackeye
Rovers kit. Their sponsors? Renowned boxing equipment manufacturer
Lonsdale. How appropriate" - Darren Leathley.
"Re: yesterday's quote of the day. I suppose it's just about
biologically possible that 48-year-old Gordon Strachan's dad is only
60, but who wasn't shocked by the arithmetic? Or am I being old
fashioned?" - Angus Hardie (and many others).
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com.
Today's winner: Michael McBrinn.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Live Uefa Intertoto Cup - Newcastle v Deportivo La
Coruna (7.30pm)
"When I was 15 I spent a week on work experience [ie stuffing
envelopes] at a law firm in London," says Paul Knapp, whose 15
minutes of fame story came out of the lucky dip today. "My last day
in court coincided with Linford Christiewinning a libel trial.
Premiership Years (10pm)
"At the end of the day, me and a couple of other teenyboppers hung
around to get the great man's autograph - and were surprisingly
successful.
J League Weekly (2am)
"Grinning with adolescent pride, we followed him out of the court
into a melee of hacks, who had cameras and notepads at the ready. I
tried to look as professional as possible, stood beside him as he
gave his victorious interviews.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"And there I was on the front cover of Saturday's Times, next to
Britain's greatest ever sprinter, looking like either a legal prodigy
or a shambolic young hanger-on.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"I hope it was the former, but I suspect not." Someone out there must
have something better? If so, send it to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked As My Close Personal Friend P Diddy Is Wont To Say.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk
* * * * * * * * * * *
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I HAVEN'T TURNED MY TELEPHONE UPSIDE DOWN
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.