Post by Salem6 on Jul 26, 2005 19:27:49 GMT
The Fiver
26 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Another Diplomatic Incident
* * * * * * * * * * * *
WITH FRIENDLIES LIKE THESE ...
The Fiver's Spanish cousin Juan Miguel Ole! Ole! Ole! Fiver has always
maintained that the beefy Real Madrid striker Ronaldo is a very nice
bloke. So when the Brazilian superstar greeted locals at the 2002
World Cup in Japan and South Korea by pulling a slanty-eyed face, we
put his faux pas down to the fact that he has boiled beetroot for
brains, not that he's a casual racist. Still, it came as no huge
shock for us to learn that on his latest trip to Japan, the big,
goofy lunkhead has only gone and caused another diplomatic incident,
this time after Japanese side Tokyo Verdy had humbled Real Madrid in
a decidedly unfriendly friendly.
"We came to Japan to win the hearts of the people," explained the
Brazilian, not long after he and his henchmen, David Beckham and
Michel Salgado, attempted to force their way into the Verdy dressing
room in search of Kazuyuki Toda, who is alleged to have gobbed at the
England skipper during the galacticos' ill-tempered and embarrassing
3-0 defeat. "Toda spat in my face. That in life is horrible, but in
football no players like that," harrumphed Beckham, who was
substituted in the 57th minute and described the dressing room siege
as "only handbags".
Failing to elaborate whether the bags in question were Fendi or Prada,
Toda did admit "spit flew". However, he went on to claim that, like
Sir Alex Ferguson, Posh Spice and sponsors Vodafone (who parted
company with Beckham today), the gob wasn't close to the England
captain. "Beckham kicked me and I swore at him," was the former THFC
midfielder's recollection of the kerfuffle. "They were fouling a lot
and so were we. But Beckham kicked me and that annoyed me."
So far so friendly, and that was before the local media got stuck in.
"Real had lost the run of themselves," declared Nikkan Sports, while
its rival, Sports Nippon, claimed "the Prince [Beckham] was upset
because he didn't expect the match to be so difficult." With just two
games of their Far East itinerary left, Real may have difficulty
earning the respect of the locals at this stage, but predicted tour
earnings of $25m will surely help soften the blow.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I've been offered a million and one reality shows. One of them was in
a farm, one of them was in a house and they talk lots of money, but
it's not my thing. As soon as I met them [at Real Radio] I thought I
wanted to work with them" - If what Ron Atkinson says is true, we're
guessing The Farm and Celebrity Big Brother's loss is a Yorkshire
radio station's weeknight football phone-in show's gain. Or not...
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Andriy Shevchenko may say it doesn't matter how much money old mate
Roman Abramovich throws at him, but Milan might feel a little
differently after Chelsea tabled a new GBP58m bid for the Ukrainian.
He may be about to snub the Big Cup holders, but Luis Figo could play
in England after all; that's unless he gets cold feet as well.
Touring Internazionale are poised to tie up a double swoop on Real
Madrid for the used-to-be-handy winger and Walter Samuel.
Besiktas have joined the "after you, please" race to sign Kleberson
but, just like Celta Vigo, have seen a bid for the MU Yankees
midfielder turned down flat.
Damien Francis will soon be scouring the south-coast property market,
with Portsmouth on the verge of tying up a move for the Norwich
midfielder. The club met with a nondescript shrug of Gallic shoulders
from fellow target, Marseille's Fabrice Fiorese.
With Stephane Henchoz signed-sealed-delivered and Man City
ne'er-do-well Joey Barton waiting in the wings, Wigan manager Paul
Jewell wants to make Genclerbirligi's Australian midfielder Josip
Skoko the latest addition to his debuting Premiership squad.
Craig Moore's Mr 15% has failed to raise a smile at Newcastle United
Comedy Club, prompting resident MC Graeme Souness to offer an open
mic slot to FC Nuremburg defender Frank Wiblishauser instead.
And who will Peter Lovenkrands play alongside if Middlesbrough succeed
in buying him from Rangers? Yakubu? Mark Viduka? Jimmy Floyd
Hasselbaink? Joseph Desire Job? Szilard Nemeth? Massimo Maccarone?
Malcolm Christie? Danny Graham? David Mellor? Lord Lucan? Weird Uncle
Fiver?
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Teenage Liverpool fan Michael Shields was today jailed for 15 years
for the attempted murder of a Bulgarian barman, despite another man
confessing to the crime.
Having been cast back to Modena by Pompey, Diomansy Kamara has
returned to the Premiership after West Brom completed his GBP1.5m
signing.
Newcastle fans have voiced their fears of becoming the NU 49ers after
speculation that a foreign-backed takeover of the club is imminent.
"I personally don't like Freddy Shepherd but I'd rather he increased
his stake in the club if it prevented a lazy overseas businessman
taking over," said Ian Gilmour, a Magpies supporter and member of the
Football Supporters' Federation.
Paul Scholes struck twice and Park Ji-sung nodded home another to
secure the Glazerball Rowdies a 3-0 tour win over Beijing Hyundai.
And Edme Codjo has been named as the new manager of Benin - the
Squirrels' fifth boss in their 2006 World Cup qualifying campaign.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Isn't it time you joined the board with Fantasy Chairman? Sign up NOW
for the chance to win GBP10,000! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Gen up on all things footie with our font of all Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/
Leave the world of work behind with the best internet sports games
ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
Check out the latest games, books and gadgets in the Gear:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/0,12490,803746,00.html
And if it's Ashes you want, then it's Ashes you'll get with our
features-packed special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Is it a coincidence that the Gay Football Supporters' Network has
voted a Brighton player the most attractive footballer in the world?"
- Andrew, London.
"Browsing the gay football website, I noticed last year Wayne Rooney
was second only to Thierry Henry in the Lust List, but this year he
topped the Turn-Off List. What went wrong?" - Phil Dupres,
Manchester.
"You were right to be sceptical about that Garth Crooks story in
yesterday's TV & Radio. That's just the old Mick Jagger joke
rehashed. Why on earth are you printing it? Has Garth Crooks ever
said a sentence that short? Come on" - Geoff Saunders.
"Could you please show some imagination and curtail the ignorant and
frankly dull references to Manchester United with pseudo-American
names? It's not big and it's not clever; it's just as boring as
Chelski. It needs to stop now" - Paul Meredith, Swansea City fan in
San Francisco.
"Shouldn't the Fiver refer to Manchester United as the Yankees? Both
teams overspend, underperform and engage in hilarious public whining
matches. The Red Sox are last season's best team and get along.
Something neither MU nor the Yankees can claim" - Trent Smither,
Boston.
"While I'm sure Jimbob Baron's confidence in his two-year-old
daughter's football knowledge is well placed (Monday's Fiver
letters), I for one would feel most uncomfortable asking her to
explain the meaning of Bongo to me" - Henry Cooke.
"Re: John Janes and a Fiver FAQ (yesterday's Fiver Letters). I
understand neither term, but have to agree with Jimbob Baron: the
Fiver without ridiculous jargon would be like Bongo FC without this
Bernard Cribbins character" - Nick Dale, Guildford.
Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. I reckon Dvd OLry should use one to
store his transfer budget for this summer. On second thoughts it'd
probably get annoying when it started rattling around in there" -
Patrick, New Zealand.
"In yesterday's Fiver, Michael Coleman asked what kind of monastery is
full of nuns. The kind that monks dream about" - Paul Power.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com.
Today's winner: Phil Dupres.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
ITV1: Package Holiday Undercover (8pm)
"I was in New Zealand for the Lions tour in 1993 and after they
played North Harbour I spotted Brian Moore over the other side of the
pitch," writes Edward Low, setting the scene for the latest of your
tragic autograph snub yarns.
Five: CSI: Miami (9pm)
"Having been drinking all day I was less than articulate, and pulled
a black marker from my pocket before asking him to sign my forehead,
as I was off out later with some friends and thought this would be a
good idea."
Sky Sports 1: FBK Kaunas v Liverpool (7:30pm)
And to think some people reckon rugby fans are gormless twits, eh?
But back to Edward ...
Sky Sports 2: Live Darts (1pm)
"His response was emphatic: 'Eff-off, you freak!' he roared."
British Eurosport: U-19s European Championship semi-final (7.30pm)
And Moore was normally so gentle on the field.
BBC Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"Several hours later I met Brian again, in the bar, and asked him how
he was finding the support and the tour as a whole.
Talksport: Patrick Kinghorn and Micky Quinn (7pm)
"He was very nice about everything, but announced with an element of
shock that earlier that evening, he had been approached by a very
drunk fan who had shouted: 'Brian! Brian! I'm off out with the lads
this evening, can you sign my foreskin?'"
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Classy guy. Has a celebrity ever unreasonably refused to sign your
naughty bits (or anything else) with indelible ink? If so, we want to
know. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and put It's For My Mum in the
subject bar.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TREBLE 20, TREBLE 11, DOUBLE 14
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
26 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Another Diplomatic Incident
* * * * * * * * * * * *
WITH FRIENDLIES LIKE THESE ...
The Fiver's Spanish cousin Juan Miguel Ole! Ole! Ole! Fiver has always
maintained that the beefy Real Madrid striker Ronaldo is a very nice
bloke. So when the Brazilian superstar greeted locals at the 2002
World Cup in Japan and South Korea by pulling a slanty-eyed face, we
put his faux pas down to the fact that he has boiled beetroot for
brains, not that he's a casual racist. Still, it came as no huge
shock for us to learn that on his latest trip to Japan, the big,
goofy lunkhead has only gone and caused another diplomatic incident,
this time after Japanese side Tokyo Verdy had humbled Real Madrid in
a decidedly unfriendly friendly.
"We came to Japan to win the hearts of the people," explained the
Brazilian, not long after he and his henchmen, David Beckham and
Michel Salgado, attempted to force their way into the Verdy dressing
room in search of Kazuyuki Toda, who is alleged to have gobbed at the
England skipper during the galacticos' ill-tempered and embarrassing
3-0 defeat. "Toda spat in my face. That in life is horrible, but in
football no players like that," harrumphed Beckham, who was
substituted in the 57th minute and described the dressing room siege
as "only handbags".
Failing to elaborate whether the bags in question were Fendi or Prada,
Toda did admit "spit flew". However, he went on to claim that, like
Sir Alex Ferguson, Posh Spice and sponsors Vodafone (who parted
company with Beckham today), the gob wasn't close to the England
captain. "Beckham kicked me and I swore at him," was the former THFC
midfielder's recollection of the kerfuffle. "They were fouling a lot
and so were we. But Beckham kicked me and that annoyed me."
So far so friendly, and that was before the local media got stuck in.
"Real had lost the run of themselves," declared Nikkan Sports, while
its rival, Sports Nippon, claimed "the Prince [Beckham] was upset
because he didn't expect the match to be so difficult." With just two
games of their Far East itinerary left, Real may have difficulty
earning the respect of the locals at this stage, but predicted tour
earnings of $25m will surely help soften the blow.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I've been offered a million and one reality shows. One of them was in
a farm, one of them was in a house and they talk lots of money, but
it's not my thing. As soon as I met them [at Real Radio] I thought I
wanted to work with them" - If what Ron Atkinson says is true, we're
guessing The Farm and Celebrity Big Brother's loss is a Yorkshire
radio station's weeknight football phone-in show's gain. Or not...
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Andriy Shevchenko may say it doesn't matter how much money old mate
Roman Abramovich throws at him, but Milan might feel a little
differently after Chelsea tabled a new GBP58m bid for the Ukrainian.
He may be about to snub the Big Cup holders, but Luis Figo could play
in England after all; that's unless he gets cold feet as well.
Touring Internazionale are poised to tie up a double swoop on Real
Madrid for the used-to-be-handy winger and Walter Samuel.
Besiktas have joined the "after you, please" race to sign Kleberson
but, just like Celta Vigo, have seen a bid for the MU Yankees
midfielder turned down flat.
Damien Francis will soon be scouring the south-coast property market,
with Portsmouth on the verge of tying up a move for the Norwich
midfielder. The club met with a nondescript shrug of Gallic shoulders
from fellow target, Marseille's Fabrice Fiorese.
With Stephane Henchoz signed-sealed-delivered and Man City
ne'er-do-well Joey Barton waiting in the wings, Wigan manager Paul
Jewell wants to make Genclerbirligi's Australian midfielder Josip
Skoko the latest addition to his debuting Premiership squad.
Craig Moore's Mr 15% has failed to raise a smile at Newcastle United
Comedy Club, prompting resident MC Graeme Souness to offer an open
mic slot to FC Nuremburg defender Frank Wiblishauser instead.
And who will Peter Lovenkrands play alongside if Middlesbrough succeed
in buying him from Rangers? Yakubu? Mark Viduka? Jimmy Floyd
Hasselbaink? Joseph Desire Job? Szilard Nemeth? Massimo Maccarone?
Malcolm Christie? Danny Graham? David Mellor? Lord Lucan? Weird Uncle
Fiver?
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Teenage Liverpool fan Michael Shields was today jailed for 15 years
for the attempted murder of a Bulgarian barman, despite another man
confessing to the crime.
Having been cast back to Modena by Pompey, Diomansy Kamara has
returned to the Premiership after West Brom completed his GBP1.5m
signing.
Newcastle fans have voiced their fears of becoming the NU 49ers after
speculation that a foreign-backed takeover of the club is imminent.
"I personally don't like Freddy Shepherd but I'd rather he increased
his stake in the club if it prevented a lazy overseas businessman
taking over," said Ian Gilmour, a Magpies supporter and member of the
Football Supporters' Federation.
Paul Scholes struck twice and Park Ji-sung nodded home another to
secure the Glazerball Rowdies a 3-0 tour win over Beijing Hyundai.
And Edme Codjo has been named as the new manager of Benin - the
Squirrels' fifth boss in their 2006 World Cup qualifying campaign.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Isn't it time you joined the board with Fantasy Chairman? Sign up NOW
for the chance to win GBP10,000! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Gen up on all things footie with our font of all Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/
Leave the world of work behind with the best internet sports games
ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
Check out the latest games, books and gadgets in the Gear:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/0,12490,803746,00.html
And if it's Ashes you want, then it's Ashes you'll get with our
features-packed special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Is it a coincidence that the Gay Football Supporters' Network has
voted a Brighton player the most attractive footballer in the world?"
- Andrew, London.
"Browsing the gay football website, I noticed last year Wayne Rooney
was second only to Thierry Henry in the Lust List, but this year he
topped the Turn-Off List. What went wrong?" - Phil Dupres,
Manchester.
"You were right to be sceptical about that Garth Crooks story in
yesterday's TV & Radio. That's just the old Mick Jagger joke
rehashed. Why on earth are you printing it? Has Garth Crooks ever
said a sentence that short? Come on" - Geoff Saunders.
"Could you please show some imagination and curtail the ignorant and
frankly dull references to Manchester United with pseudo-American
names? It's not big and it's not clever; it's just as boring as
Chelski. It needs to stop now" - Paul Meredith, Swansea City fan in
San Francisco.
"Shouldn't the Fiver refer to Manchester United as the Yankees? Both
teams overspend, underperform and engage in hilarious public whining
matches. The Red Sox are last season's best team and get along.
Something neither MU nor the Yankees can claim" - Trent Smither,
Boston.
"While I'm sure Jimbob Baron's confidence in his two-year-old
daughter's football knowledge is well placed (Monday's Fiver
letters), I for one would feel most uncomfortable asking her to
explain the meaning of Bongo to me" - Henry Cooke.
"Re: John Janes and a Fiver FAQ (yesterday's Fiver Letters). I
understand neither term, but have to agree with Jimbob Baron: the
Fiver without ridiculous jargon would be like Bongo FC without this
Bernard Cribbins character" - Nick Dale, Guildford.
Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. I reckon Dvd OLry should use one to
store his transfer budget for this summer. On second thoughts it'd
probably get annoying when it started rattling around in there" -
Patrick, New Zealand.
"In yesterday's Fiver, Michael Coleman asked what kind of monastery is
full of nuns. The kind that monks dream about" - Paul Power.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com.
Today's winner: Phil Dupres.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
ITV1: Package Holiday Undercover (8pm)
"I was in New Zealand for the Lions tour in 1993 and after they
played North Harbour I spotted Brian Moore over the other side of the
pitch," writes Edward Low, setting the scene for the latest of your
tragic autograph snub yarns.
Five: CSI: Miami (9pm)
"Having been drinking all day I was less than articulate, and pulled
a black marker from my pocket before asking him to sign my forehead,
as I was off out later with some friends and thought this would be a
good idea."
Sky Sports 1: FBK Kaunas v Liverpool (7:30pm)
And to think some people reckon rugby fans are gormless twits, eh?
But back to Edward ...
Sky Sports 2: Live Darts (1pm)
"His response was emphatic: 'Eff-off, you freak!' he roared."
British Eurosport: U-19s European Championship semi-final (7.30pm)
And Moore was normally so gentle on the field.
BBC Radio Five Live: Sport On Five (7pm)
"Several hours later I met Brian again, in the bar, and asked him how
he was finding the support and the tour as a whole.
Talksport: Patrick Kinghorn and Micky Quinn (7pm)
"He was very nice about everything, but announced with an element of
shock that earlier that evening, he had been approached by a very
drunk fan who had shouted: 'Brian! Brian! I'm off out with the lads
this evening, can you sign my foreskin?'"
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Classy guy. Has a celebrity ever unreasonably refused to sign your
naughty bits (or anything else) with indelible ink? If so, we want to
know. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and put It's For My Mum in the
subject bar.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
TREBLE 20, TREBLE 11, DOUBLE 14
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.