Post by Salem6 on Jul 26, 2005 5:08:48 GMT
The Fiver
25 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Not So Keane
* * * * * * * * * * * *
HE'S INJURED, OK?
Roy Keane's legs may be weakening, but last season the once-tireless
midfielder at least proved he can still run his mouth off. In between
panning referees, team-mates, Bolivia's farming policy and the
feeding habits of the ring-tailed lemur, MU Rowdies' Captain
Cantankerous even bit the hand that had tamed him - not just by
returning to international football against Sir Alex Ferguson's
wishes, but also by aiming thinly-veiled barbs at his boss's tactics
and transfers. And now relations between the two may, like the Fiver
one twenty-sixth of the way through a marathon, have broken down
completely.
Then again, they may not. Rumours, however, were rampant today that
the reason Keane is not on the Red Sox tour of Asia is that he and
Fergie had a blazing bust-up in Portugal three weeks ago. Evoking
memories of his infamous clash with then-Republic of Ireland boss
Mick McCarthy (random extract: "You can stick it up your b******, you
f****** c***"), Keane is reported to have been mad at being told to
cut short his family holiday to attend a training camp, only to find
that it was little more than the sort of jolly he despises. Some
sources claim the ensuing row was so ferocious Keane will be stripped
of his captain's armband and will, in retaliation, refuse to sign a
new contract, choosing instead to leave the Trafford Devilbowl next
summer.
As the Fiver went to press, Keane may or may not have been marching
his long-suffering dog around the fields of Cheshire, barking pithy
aphorisms about dead fish and failing to prepare. But Michael
Kennedy, his equally long-suffering advisor, was insisting talk of a
fall-out was "without foundation". And Fergie was dismissive too,
blasting, "he's injured, it's a simple as that, you can't travel if
you're injured." Ambulance-drivers may quibble with the last bit, but
Red Sox fans surely won't argue with the fact that, given his
bungling in the transfer market, Fergie can't afford to go into the
season on the wrong side of the man who remains his best central
midfielder.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Joey's a good player. I don't know what's gone on over there but the
game is full of players who have had previous" - Wigan manager Paul
Jewell won't let "previous" get in the way of trying to sign
cigar-in-the-eye-prodding, 15-year-old-baiting, team-mate-biting
Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton.
*********************
STILL WANT MORE?
Sir Bobby Robson tells Duncan McRae why he still feels bitter over his
Newcastle exit:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1535513,00.html
Fantasy Chairman is back and it's better than ever. Sign up NOW for
the chance to win GBP10,000! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE RUMOUR MILL
Bayern's Michael Ballack's exorbitant demands of a new
GBP132,000-a-week deal have re-aroused the interest of Real Madrid,
who are waiting in the wings with a GBP20.9m bid.
Having failed to negotiate moves to either Leeds or Southampton, free
agent Lee Clark probably can't believe his luck that hometown club
Newcastle want to sign him again.
Nathan 'The Duke' Ellington or Jimmy Bullard could be used as the
Wigan makeweight in a player-plus-cash move for Tottenham midfielder
Michael Brown.
Dogged persistence might win the day for Arsenal after all, with
Sevilla ready to accept the Gunners' fifth bid of GBP18m for
Brazilian Julio Baptista.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The latest farcical chapter in Internazionale's fun-filled pre-season
tour of England has seen just four first-team regulars brought over
in a group padded out with developmental squad players.
Helping Everton into Big Cup has caused pound signs to light up in Tim
Cahill's eyes; the Australian, already tied to the club until 2008,
has rejected the offer of a new longer-term contract.
A day of firsts: Jared Borgetti will become the first Mexican to
feature in the Premiership after signing for Bolton, while Shunsuke
Nakamura will become the first Japanese player in the SPL after
Celtic have agreed a GBP3m deal with Reggina.
Plymouth left-back Peter Gilbert is set to be paraded as a Leicester
player tomorrow after agreeing a three-year deal.
The Old Firm had better watch out now Hearts have completed the
signing of Lithuania striker Edgaras Jankauskas on a one-year loan
from FBK Kaunas. Manager George Burley told reporters: "He is a big
lad but has a terrific touch." Yes, really.
Which brings to mind Peter Crouch, who will be given his competitive
debut in Liverpool's latest Big Cup qualifier against the
aforementioned Kaunas tomorrow night.
From large to little: Aston Villa have agreed a GBP2.5m deal to sell
Darius Vassell to Manchester City.
And Brighton striker Jake Robinson, 18, has been voted most attractive
footballer in the world by the Gay Football Supporters' Network
(www.gfsn.org.uk). Jake beat Liverpool's Steven Gerrard and Chelsea's
Frank Lampard into second and third places.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Paul Wilson meets the Football League's oldest player, Oldham's
42-year-old David Eyres:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1535183,00.html
Show England how it should be done in Stick Cricket, Ashes Special -
one of the best sports internet games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And if it's Ashes you want, then it's Ashes you'll get with our
features-packed special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"With a little paint, a 35mm film canister would make a superb
Australian striker for your Middlesbrough Subbuteo team" - Patrick
Nagle.
"Re: Friday's quote of the day. Is a monastery necessarily a good
place for Mark van Bommel to learn a language, considering the
inclination towards silent reflection? Heaven knows what would
actually happen if Becks did lock himself away with some Spanish
nuns. They would probably end up on celebrity reality TV shows doing
strange things with farmyard animals" - Phil Murfitt.
"What kind of monastery is full of nuns?" - Michael Coleman.
"Re: Internazionale almost pulling out of their English summer tour
because of terrorism attacks. Perhaps the stereotypes about Italian
cowardice are not so far-fetched after all" - Greg Grimer.
"Re: John Janes's failure to grasp the Bongo FC joke (Friday's Fiver
letters). Please do not bow to this pathetic plea to explain
yourself, as a Fiver with explanatory notes would be like commentary
from Steve Claridge - utterly pointless. I don't think it is too much
to expect your readership to have a basic knowledge of football and
if a reader fails to see the joke they should perhaps ask someone who
knows more about it than they do. Like my two year-old daughter" -
Jimbob Baron.
"I don't even get the Cribbins reference, let alone Bongo FC. Any
chance of a Fiver FAQ?" - LJ Laplandes, London.
"Re: Jez Plunkett's letter about seeing Rob McCaffrey wearing a Kamara
Unbelievable T-shirt. Why do I assume that Chris Kamara bought a
crate of them and has been sending them with pride to all his showbiz
buddies?" - Philly Mac, Maryland.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com/.
Today's winner: Patrick Nagle.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC 1: Jack Dee Live At The Apollo (10.35pm)
"For sheer humiliation, this is worth a mention," explains Steve Ryan,
kicking off a tale of autograph misery that the denizens of Fiver
Towers are, quite frankly, finding very difficult to believe.
BBC 4 on BBC 2: Not Cricket: The Basil D'Oliveira Conspiracy (11.20pm)
"While taking his young son and daughter around Legoland, my
girlfriend's THFC-supporting cousin spotted Garth Crooks loping
around the Dino Dipper ride in Adventure Land."
ITV1: Murder Investigation Team (9pm)
Ah, Garth Crooks. THFC legend, purser of lips, asker of very long
questions and all-round nice guy.
All-Star Poker Challenge (11.30pm)
"The keen father sensing an opportunity to meet a real THFC hero and
a rare chance of snaring his son into a life of THFC-induced misery,
bounded over grinning like Peter Crouch in a flood ...
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11pm)
"Only to be told: 'P*** off, mate! Can I not get a minute's eff-ing
peace?'
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Tail between legs, the father left with battered pride, a fallen
hero and a Chelsea-supporting son."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Say it ain't so, Garth. Say it ain't so. Have you been snubbed by a
superstar? Send your autograph stories to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked: I'll Tattoo Over It Later.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
BIGGEST SHOW IN TOWN? ISN'T JOE PASQUALE DOING A SUMMER SEASON?
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
25 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Not So Keane
* * * * * * * * * * * *
HE'S INJURED, OK?
Roy Keane's legs may be weakening, but last season the once-tireless
midfielder at least proved he can still run his mouth off. In between
panning referees, team-mates, Bolivia's farming policy and the
feeding habits of the ring-tailed lemur, MU Rowdies' Captain
Cantankerous even bit the hand that had tamed him - not just by
returning to international football against Sir Alex Ferguson's
wishes, but also by aiming thinly-veiled barbs at his boss's tactics
and transfers. And now relations between the two may, like the Fiver
one twenty-sixth of the way through a marathon, have broken down
completely.
Then again, they may not. Rumours, however, were rampant today that
the reason Keane is not on the Red Sox tour of Asia is that he and
Fergie had a blazing bust-up in Portugal three weeks ago. Evoking
memories of his infamous clash with then-Republic of Ireland boss
Mick McCarthy (random extract: "You can stick it up your b******, you
f****** c***"), Keane is reported to have been mad at being told to
cut short his family holiday to attend a training camp, only to find
that it was little more than the sort of jolly he despises. Some
sources claim the ensuing row was so ferocious Keane will be stripped
of his captain's armband and will, in retaliation, refuse to sign a
new contract, choosing instead to leave the Trafford Devilbowl next
summer.
As the Fiver went to press, Keane may or may not have been marching
his long-suffering dog around the fields of Cheshire, barking pithy
aphorisms about dead fish and failing to prepare. But Michael
Kennedy, his equally long-suffering advisor, was insisting talk of a
fall-out was "without foundation". And Fergie was dismissive too,
blasting, "he's injured, it's a simple as that, you can't travel if
you're injured." Ambulance-drivers may quibble with the last bit, but
Red Sox fans surely won't argue with the fact that, given his
bungling in the transfer market, Fergie can't afford to go into the
season on the wrong side of the man who remains his best central
midfielder.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Joey's a good player. I don't know what's gone on over there but the
game is full of players who have had previous" - Wigan manager Paul
Jewell won't let "previous" get in the way of trying to sign
cigar-in-the-eye-prodding, 15-year-old-baiting, team-mate-biting
Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton.
*********************
STILL WANT MORE?
Sir Bobby Robson tells Duncan McRae why he still feels bitter over his
Newcastle exit:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1535513,00.html
Fantasy Chairman is back and it's better than ever. Sign up NOW for
the chance to win GBP10,000! guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up NOW for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE RUMOUR MILL
Bayern's Michael Ballack's exorbitant demands of a new
GBP132,000-a-week deal have re-aroused the interest of Real Madrid,
who are waiting in the wings with a GBP20.9m bid.
Having failed to negotiate moves to either Leeds or Southampton, free
agent Lee Clark probably can't believe his luck that hometown club
Newcastle want to sign him again.
Nathan 'The Duke' Ellington or Jimmy Bullard could be used as the
Wigan makeweight in a player-plus-cash move for Tottenham midfielder
Michael Brown.
Dogged persistence might win the day for Arsenal after all, with
Sevilla ready to accept the Gunners' fifth bid of GBP18m for
Brazilian Julio Baptista.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
The latest farcical chapter in Internazionale's fun-filled pre-season
tour of England has seen just four first-team regulars brought over
in a group padded out with developmental squad players.
Helping Everton into Big Cup has caused pound signs to light up in Tim
Cahill's eyes; the Australian, already tied to the club until 2008,
has rejected the offer of a new longer-term contract.
A day of firsts: Jared Borgetti will become the first Mexican to
feature in the Premiership after signing for Bolton, while Shunsuke
Nakamura will become the first Japanese player in the SPL after
Celtic have agreed a GBP3m deal with Reggina.
Plymouth left-back Peter Gilbert is set to be paraded as a Leicester
player tomorrow after agreeing a three-year deal.
The Old Firm had better watch out now Hearts have completed the
signing of Lithuania striker Edgaras Jankauskas on a one-year loan
from FBK Kaunas. Manager George Burley told reporters: "He is a big
lad but has a terrific touch." Yes, really.
Which brings to mind Peter Crouch, who will be given his competitive
debut in Liverpool's latest Big Cup qualifier against the
aforementioned Kaunas tomorrow night.
From large to little: Aston Villa have agreed a GBP2.5m deal to sell
Darius Vassell to Manchester City.
And Brighton striker Jake Robinson, 18, has been voted most attractive
footballer in the world by the Gay Football Supporters' Network
(www.gfsn.org.uk). Jake beat Liverpool's Steven Gerrard and Chelsea's
Frank Lampard into second and third places.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Paul Wilson meets the Football League's oldest player, Oldham's
42-year-old David Eyres:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1535183,00.html
Show England how it should be done in Stick Cricket, Ashes Special -
one of the best sports internet games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And if it's Ashes you want, then it's Ashes you'll get with our
features-packed special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"With a little paint, a 35mm film canister would make a superb
Australian striker for your Middlesbrough Subbuteo team" - Patrick
Nagle.
"Re: Friday's quote of the day. Is a monastery necessarily a good
place for Mark van Bommel to learn a language, considering the
inclination towards silent reflection? Heaven knows what would
actually happen if Becks did lock himself away with some Spanish
nuns. They would probably end up on celebrity reality TV shows doing
strange things with farmyard animals" - Phil Murfitt.
"What kind of monastery is full of nuns?" - Michael Coleman.
"Re: Internazionale almost pulling out of their English summer tour
because of terrorism attacks. Perhaps the stereotypes about Italian
cowardice are not so far-fetched after all" - Greg Grimer.
"Re: John Janes's failure to grasp the Bongo FC joke (Friday's Fiver
letters). Please do not bow to this pathetic plea to explain
yourself, as a Fiver with explanatory notes would be like commentary
from Steve Claridge - utterly pointless. I don't think it is too much
to expect your readership to have a basic knowledge of football and
if a reader fails to see the joke they should perhaps ask someone who
knows more about it than they do. Like my two year-old daughter" -
Jimbob Baron.
"I don't even get the Cribbins reference, let alone Bongo FC. Any
chance of a Fiver FAQ?" - LJ Laplandes, London.
"Re: Jez Plunkett's letter about seeing Rob McCaffrey wearing a Kamara
Unbelievable T-shirt. Why do I assume that Chris Kamara bought a
crate of them and has been sending them with pride to all his showbiz
buddies?" - Philly Mac, Maryland.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the
day will win a classy T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com/.
Today's winner: Patrick Nagle.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC 1: Jack Dee Live At The Apollo (10.35pm)
"For sheer humiliation, this is worth a mention," explains Steve Ryan,
kicking off a tale of autograph misery that the denizens of Fiver
Towers are, quite frankly, finding very difficult to believe.
BBC 4 on BBC 2: Not Cricket: The Basil D'Oliveira Conspiracy (11.20pm)
"While taking his young son and daughter around Legoland, my
girlfriend's THFC-supporting cousin spotted Garth Crooks loping
around the Dino Dipper ride in Adventure Land."
ITV1: Murder Investigation Team (9pm)
Ah, Garth Crooks. THFC legend, purser of lips, asker of very long
questions and all-round nice guy.
All-Star Poker Challenge (11.30pm)
"The keen father sensing an opportunity to meet a real THFC hero and
a rare chance of snaring his son into a life of THFC-induced misery,
bounded over grinning like Peter Crouch in a flood ...
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11pm)
"Only to be told: 'P*** off, mate! Can I not get a minute's eff-ing
peace?'
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Tail between legs, the father left with battered pride, a fallen
hero and a Chelsea-supporting son."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Say it ain't so, Garth. Say it ain't so. Have you been snubbed by a
superstar? Send your autograph stories to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked: I'll Tattoo Over It Later.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
BIGGEST SHOW IN TOWN? ISN'T JOE PASQUALE DOING A SUMMER SEASON?
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.