Post by Salem6 on Jul 18, 2005 17:00:23 GMT
The Fiver
18 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Messianic Levels
* * * * * * * * * * * *
MONEY TO BURN
The Fiver has always thought that there can be nothing better than
being a hero. Not in the Superman sense of the word (Lycra can be so
cruel), but in footballing terms, what better gig is there? You turn
up; you play 90 minutes once or twice a week and you're granted gross
and Messianic levels of adoration from the local population. Lovely.
After all, what else can have kept Alan Shearer at the Newcastle
United Comedy Club all these [trophyless, miserable] years?
But if the case of Shaun Wright-Phillips is anything to go by, it
seems the Fiver was wrong. Again. Just this afternoon, the pint-sized
midfielder completed a GBP21m move that will transform him from a
Manchester City deity to the very small occupant of a cosy corner of
the Chelsea bench, alongside Jiri what's-his-name, that bloke with
the hair and Glen thing-a-me-bob. As for what attracted him to the
billionaire-run club willing to treble his City wages (GBP60,000 a
week ahoy!) we'll probably never know. We're just glad the lad hasn't
sold out in any way.
As an unconvincing Joe Cole chirruped that the new arrival was "not a
slight on my ability at all," the teeny newcomer gave a masterclass
in humility. "I just want to try and get some medals, be a regular
part of the team," he mumbled humbly from Chelsea HQ. "I want to play
well for myself, the fans, and the coaching staff." His new manager
was too busy shrugging for the cameras to notice, mind: "He is one of
the best players in England," he said, with all the enthusiasm of the
new owner of Noel Edmonds's wardrobe.
Chelsea, meanwhile, have taken a look at the accounts and found Roman
Abramovich's spending to date worryingly shy of GBP250m - so with
just the nine midfielders now on their books, their interest in
Michael Essien will continue despite Lyon's demands for GBP32m. "We
still have a space in midfield," reckons Mourinho. "If we can get a
good player we'll do it." With Lyon letting slip that they'll let
Essien leave next year for far less, Chelsea need to get an inflated
offer in quickly if their reputation as big spenders is to be upheld.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"This is a broken bridge that may be impossible to mend. I blame David
Dein for trying to force me out. I am convinced a section of the
Arsenal board do not want me. They've left me feeling there is no way
back. I feel betrayed, confused and badly let down. It's hard to
forgive" - Ashley Cole, June 5.
"I am now looking forward to another successful season. I can't wait
for it to start now" - Ashley Cole, July 18, upon signing a one-year
contract extension with Arsenal.
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
Michael Ballack could become a MU Blue Jay within a fortnight when his
people meet their people in Tokyo next week to discuss a GBP12m
switch from Bayern Munich.
Not making room for him at the Glazerdome will be Kieran Richardson,
who doesn't fancy West Brom much and will fight for a place in Lord
Ferg's team.
Sunderland head the queue for Derby forward Grzegorz Rasiak after the
Pole's Mr 10% and very own Willy Wonka said asking if his client
wanted a move to the Premiership was "like standing outside a
chocolate shop with a child and asking them if they would like to go
inside".
Rubber-legged keeper Jerzy Dudek looks to be packing his gloves for a
trip to Sporting Lisbon after Rafa Benitez excluded him, along with
Milan Baros, from Liverpool's squad to face TNS in the second leg of
their 'exciting' Big Cup qualifier tomorrow.
Next on the Tottenham rebuff list are Fenerbahce's Nicolas Anelka and
Juventus midfielder Stephen Appiah, after Hertha Berlin youngster
Solomon Okoronkwo spurned a move to White Hart Lane.
Dvd O Lry iz digng ot hs trnsltn bk 2 tmpt Javier Saviola frm Barcln 2
Vla.
And Big Sam faces a fight to hang on to Jay-Jay Okocha after the
sulking Nigerian was offered a money-spinning contract by Qatari
outfit Al-Rayyan.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Robbie Keane and Fredi Kanoute both scored in Tottenham's 3-1 Peace
Cup win over South African side Sundowns, only to discover that the
club are attempting to replace them with Julio Baptista, who they
have offered Sevilla GBP13.8m for.
It's a case of welcome to the cheap seats for Wigan fans after almost
7,000 folk smashed club records by picking up season tickets for
GBP327 inside the first three hours of them going on sale. Wonderful
stuff!
There's disarray in Nigeria after the domestic league was postponed
over the weekend because two sets of referees were appointed to each
match. The NFA (Nigerian Football Association) and the NFL (Nigerian
Football League) both sent officials to games, the latter doing so in
a bid to reduce alleged corruption in the game.
And Lorenzo Spagnoli, who is training with Juventus after winning an
Italian reality TV show, won and scored a penalty during the Old
Lady's 5-1 pre-season win over Pavia, where he lined up alongside new
signing Patrick Vieira.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
It's back! Sign up for Fantasy Chairman NOW and win GBP10,000!
guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Win! Win! Win! I! We've got tickets to the first Ashes Test to give
away to you lucky people:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1529362,00.html
Win! Win! Win! II! There's also a three-day golf break at the Marriott
St Pierre in Chepstow up for grabs:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1528462,00.html
Louise Taylor wonders if SWP will fit in with the Special One's wide
boys?
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1530701,00.html
Forget CSI, get RSI with the best internet sports games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And let our sister site's Ashes special report spoil you rotten:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Jeff Thompson, I'd like to congratulate you on your former 100%
record on guessing the Fiver letters T-shirt winner. I don't know if
you've noticed but the winner is always the first letter. Well done
anyway" - Andy Gardner, Leeds.
"With regard to winning a T-shirt for the best letter of the day,
please can you apply this retrospectively and send me a size L for my
letter published in the Fiver on February 10? It was definitely the
best" - Chris Philpott.
"Re: Friday's winning letter by James Kendal, Australia. Surely an own
goal for you: why send a shirt to Australia, when almost every other
letter was worthy, and postage cheaper?" - Wayne Ziants, Frankfurt.
[We said James had won a T-shirt, we didn't say we were posting it to
him - Fiver Ed].
"I doubt if non-Man City supporters and the media realise quite how
highly SWeeP is thought of by us City fans, but I would put it this
way - he was well on his way to becoming the only player in almost 30
years to have a chance of becoming the ultimate in our eyes: the new
Colin Bell" - Bredbury Blue.
"Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. Now Chelsea have bought Shaun
Wright-Phillips, perhaps Jose Mourinho could conceal the diminutive
winger in one to provide much-needed space on Chelsea's subs bench?
I'm sure room could be found in Joe Cole's pockets" - Joe Goodwin.
"Scrap the offside rule (Thursday's Fiver letters)? That's an idea I
would expect my mother and girlfriend would agree on if they ever get
to talk about it. Or alternatively, my girlfriend and Ruud van
Nistelrooy. The offside law might be the greatest invention in the
legal history of sport" - Juan P Rud.
"With respect to Andrew Lindsay's letter in Friday's Fiver (there are
no rules in football, only laws), he seems to have been proved right
by the deafening silence from the FA over Arsenal's courting of Julio
Baptista. So that would be one law for the Gooners and another one
for everybody else, then?" - Rob Hobson.
"Readers moaning about getting songs stuck in their heads should count
themselves lucky. My wife recently purchased three CDs of nursery
rhymes for our daughter, so when you have Zombie or Teenage Dirtbag
on replay in your head, please spare a thought for me, currently
sitting at my desk humming Jack & Jill, Hickory Dickery Dock and a
lesser-known tune called Bobby Shafto" - Richard Lacon. [Bobby
Shafto's gone to sea, silver buckles on his knee etc. and so on -
Fiver Ed].
"So Brian Buckley (Friday's Fiver letters) feels a need to complain
about a holiday to Mexico during which he had Jenny From The Block in
his head for three months. Three months! I wish I could afford a
three-month holiday. Anywhere" - Alan Brand, Canada.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the day will win a classy
T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. Today's winner: Wayne
Ziants.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC 2: Frontline Football - Colombia (11.20pm)
Nic Anelka never wrote in, so we've unscrupulously kicked your
stories of signing up to clubs you wish you hadn't to the kerb,
seamlessly replacing them with tales of footballers who've snubbed
you for autographs.
Five: Confederations Cup: Brazil v Japan (5am)
Over to you ... Lee Purchase: "When visiting Ibiza with my parents as
an excitable 11-year-old, I made friends with a northerner called Tim
. One day, at a water park, we spotted the not-so-great David
Unsworth.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11.30pm)
"Tim kept shouting out 'Hey Unsey!' in a very unsettling voice every
time we walked past him." Bet that didn't annoy him Lee.
British Eurosport: Uefa U-19 Championship - France v England (5pm)
"When we finally picked up the courage to ask for an autograph, he
blanked us with a Diva-style shift of the eyes and my school
story-telling dreams were in tatters."
Serbia and Montenegro v Germany (7pm)
But it's not only players who dish out the cold shoulder treatment, as
Tim Ward explains.
Peace Cup: THFC v Mamelodi Sundowns (9pm)
"I got thrown out of a bar in the Dorchester once [Us too - Fiver Ed.]
for asking for an autograph.
Radio 5: Sport on Five (7pm)
"It was the PFA bash when two Coventry players were up for awards but
neither won. This no doubt riled the then-Coventry manager, Gordon
Strachan, who I asked for an autograph." And?
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"He asked the staff to remove those not staying at the hotel. Which
obviously included me." Denied! Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk with
your unsuccessful signature-chasing stories, marked Gimme Back My
Biro Mister.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A "SOFT" EIGHT STELLAS
The Fiver was written by Georgina Turner. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
18 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Messianic Levels
* * * * * * * * * * * *
MONEY TO BURN
The Fiver has always thought that there can be nothing better than
being a hero. Not in the Superman sense of the word (Lycra can be so
cruel), but in footballing terms, what better gig is there? You turn
up; you play 90 minutes once or twice a week and you're granted gross
and Messianic levels of adoration from the local population. Lovely.
After all, what else can have kept Alan Shearer at the Newcastle
United Comedy Club all these [trophyless, miserable] years?
But if the case of Shaun Wright-Phillips is anything to go by, it
seems the Fiver was wrong. Again. Just this afternoon, the pint-sized
midfielder completed a GBP21m move that will transform him from a
Manchester City deity to the very small occupant of a cosy corner of
the Chelsea bench, alongside Jiri what's-his-name, that bloke with
the hair and Glen thing-a-me-bob. As for what attracted him to the
billionaire-run club willing to treble his City wages (GBP60,000 a
week ahoy!) we'll probably never know. We're just glad the lad hasn't
sold out in any way.
As an unconvincing Joe Cole chirruped that the new arrival was "not a
slight on my ability at all," the teeny newcomer gave a masterclass
in humility. "I just want to try and get some medals, be a regular
part of the team," he mumbled humbly from Chelsea HQ. "I want to play
well for myself, the fans, and the coaching staff." His new manager
was too busy shrugging for the cameras to notice, mind: "He is one of
the best players in England," he said, with all the enthusiasm of the
new owner of Noel Edmonds's wardrobe.
Chelsea, meanwhile, have taken a look at the accounts and found Roman
Abramovich's spending to date worryingly shy of GBP250m - so with
just the nine midfielders now on their books, their interest in
Michael Essien will continue despite Lyon's demands for GBP32m. "We
still have a space in midfield," reckons Mourinho. "If we can get a
good player we'll do it." With Lyon letting slip that they'll let
Essien leave next year for far less, Chelsea need to get an inflated
offer in quickly if their reputation as big spenders is to be upheld.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"This is a broken bridge that may be impossible to mend. I blame David
Dein for trying to force me out. I am convinced a section of the
Arsenal board do not want me. They've left me feeling there is no way
back. I feel betrayed, confused and badly let down. It's hard to
forgive" - Ashley Cole, June 5.
"I am now looking forward to another successful season. I can't wait
for it to start now" - Ashley Cole, July 18, upon signing a one-year
contract extension with Arsenal.
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
Michael Ballack could become a MU Blue Jay within a fortnight when his
people meet their people in Tokyo next week to discuss a GBP12m
switch from Bayern Munich.
Not making room for him at the Glazerdome will be Kieran Richardson,
who doesn't fancy West Brom much and will fight for a place in Lord
Ferg's team.
Sunderland head the queue for Derby forward Grzegorz Rasiak after the
Pole's Mr 10% and very own Willy Wonka said asking if his client
wanted a move to the Premiership was "like standing outside a
chocolate shop with a child and asking them if they would like to go
inside".
Rubber-legged keeper Jerzy Dudek looks to be packing his gloves for a
trip to Sporting Lisbon after Rafa Benitez excluded him, along with
Milan Baros, from Liverpool's squad to face TNS in the second leg of
their 'exciting' Big Cup qualifier tomorrow.
Next on the Tottenham rebuff list are Fenerbahce's Nicolas Anelka and
Juventus midfielder Stephen Appiah, after Hertha Berlin youngster
Solomon Okoronkwo spurned a move to White Hart Lane.
Dvd O Lry iz digng ot hs trnsltn bk 2 tmpt Javier Saviola frm Barcln 2
Vla.
And Big Sam faces a fight to hang on to Jay-Jay Okocha after the
sulking Nigerian was offered a money-spinning contract by Qatari
outfit Al-Rayyan.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Robbie Keane and Fredi Kanoute both scored in Tottenham's 3-1 Peace
Cup win over South African side Sundowns, only to discover that the
club are attempting to replace them with Julio Baptista, who they
have offered Sevilla GBP13.8m for.
It's a case of welcome to the cheap seats for Wigan fans after almost
7,000 folk smashed club records by picking up season tickets for
GBP327 inside the first three hours of them going on sale. Wonderful
stuff!
There's disarray in Nigeria after the domestic league was postponed
over the weekend because two sets of referees were appointed to each
match. The NFA (Nigerian Football Association) and the NFL (Nigerian
Football League) both sent officials to games, the latter doing so in
a bid to reduce alleged corruption in the game.
And Lorenzo Spagnoli, who is training with Juventus after winning an
Italian reality TV show, won and scored a penalty during the Old
Lady's 5-1 pre-season win over Pavia, where he lined up alongside new
signing Patrick Vieira.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
It's back! Sign up for Fantasy Chairman NOW and win GBP10,000!
guardian.fantasyleague.com/
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Win! Win! Win! I! We've got tickets to the first Ashes Test to give
away to you lucky people:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1529362,00.html
Win! Win! Win! II! There's also a three-day golf break at the Marriott
St Pierre in Chepstow up for grabs:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1528462,00.html
Louise Taylor wonders if SWP will fit in with the Special One's wide
boys?
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1530701,00.html
Forget CSI, get RSI with the best internet sports games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And let our sister site's Ashes special report spoil you rotten:
sport.guardian.co.uk/ashes2005/
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Jeff Thompson, I'd like to congratulate you on your former 100%
record on guessing the Fiver letters T-shirt winner. I don't know if
you've noticed but the winner is always the first letter. Well done
anyway" - Andy Gardner, Leeds.
"With regard to winning a T-shirt for the best letter of the day,
please can you apply this retrospectively and send me a size L for my
letter published in the Fiver on February 10? It was definitely the
best" - Chris Philpott.
"Re: Friday's winning letter by James Kendal, Australia. Surely an own
goal for you: why send a shirt to Australia, when almost every other
letter was worthy, and postage cheaper?" - Wayne Ziants, Frankfurt.
[We said James had won a T-shirt, we didn't say we were posting it to
him - Fiver Ed].
"I doubt if non-Man City supporters and the media realise quite how
highly SWeeP is thought of by us City fans, but I would put it this
way - he was well on his way to becoming the only player in almost 30
years to have a chance of becoming the ultimate in our eyes: the new
Colin Bell" - Bredbury Blue.
"Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. Now Chelsea have bought Shaun
Wright-Phillips, perhaps Jose Mourinho could conceal the diminutive
winger in one to provide much-needed space on Chelsea's subs bench?
I'm sure room could be found in Joe Cole's pockets" - Joe Goodwin.
"Scrap the offside rule (Thursday's Fiver letters)? That's an idea I
would expect my mother and girlfriend would agree on if they ever get
to talk about it. Or alternatively, my girlfriend and Ruud van
Nistelrooy. The offside law might be the greatest invention in the
legal history of sport" - Juan P Rud.
"With respect to Andrew Lindsay's letter in Friday's Fiver (there are
no rules in football, only laws), he seems to have been proved right
by the deafening silence from the FA over Arsenal's courting of Julio
Baptista. So that would be one law for the Gooners and another one
for everybody else, then?" - Rob Hobson.
"Readers moaning about getting songs stuck in their heads should count
themselves lucky. My wife recently purchased three CDs of nursery
rhymes for our daughter, so when you have Zombie or Teenage Dirtbag
on replay in your head, please spare a thought for me, currently
sitting at my desk humming Jack & Jill, Hickory Dickery Dock and a
lesser-known tune called Bobby Shafto" - Richard Lacon. [Bobby
Shafto's gone to sea, silver buckles on his knee etc. and so on -
Fiver Ed].
"So Brian Buckley (Friday's Fiver letters) feels a need to complain
about a holiday to Mexico during which he had Jenny From The Block in
his head for three months. Three months! I wish I could afford a
three-month holiday. Anywhere" - Alan Brand, Canada.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the day will win a classy
T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com. Today's winner: Wayne
Ziants.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC 2: Frontline Football - Colombia (11.20pm)
Nic Anelka never wrote in, so we've unscrupulously kicked your
stories of signing up to clubs you wish you hadn't to the kerb,
seamlessly replacing them with tales of footballers who've snubbed
you for autographs.
Five: Confederations Cup: Brazil v Japan (5am)
Over to you ... Lee Purchase: "When visiting Ibiza with my parents as
an excitable 11-year-old, I made friends with a northerner called Tim
. One day, at a water park, we spotted the not-so-great David
Unsworth.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11.30pm)
"Tim kept shouting out 'Hey Unsey!' in a very unsettling voice every
time we walked past him." Bet that didn't annoy him Lee.
British Eurosport: Uefa U-19 Championship - France v England (5pm)
"When we finally picked up the courage to ask for an autograph, he
blanked us with a Diva-style shift of the eyes and my school
story-telling dreams were in tatters."
Serbia and Montenegro v Germany (7pm)
But it's not only players who dish out the cold shoulder treatment, as
Tim Ward explains.
Peace Cup: THFC v Mamelodi Sundowns (9pm)
"I got thrown out of a bar in the Dorchester once [Us too - Fiver Ed.]
for asking for an autograph.
Radio 5: Sport on Five (7pm)
"It was the PFA bash when two Coventry players were up for awards but
neither won. This no doubt riled the then-Coventry manager, Gordon
Strachan, who I asked for an autograph." And?
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"He asked the staff to remove those not staying at the hotel. Which
obviously included me." Denied! Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk with
your unsuccessful signature-chasing stories, marked Gimme Back My
Biro Mister.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A "SOFT" EIGHT STELLAS
The Fiver was written by Georgina Turner. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.