Post by Salem6 on Jul 7, 2005 5:07:07 GMT
The Fiver
06 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Love the Club
* * * * * * * * * * * *
GERRARD: I WANT TO STAY
Yesterday, $teven Gerrard was set on leaving Anfield, despite being
offered a weekly cheque of GBP100,000. Today, he's decided that
actually, he loves the club and never, ever wanted to leave, not for
all the money in Russia. Having called trusting Liverpool supporters
"gullible buffoons" in the intervening hours, the Fiver now faces the
same awkward situation as someone arriving at a job interview only to
be greeted by the boss they treated to a departing mooney several
years back. So let's just get on with today's developments, shall we?
"I had the whole of yesterday to think about what I was doing,"
Gerrard explained this morning, the ringing of cash registers clearly
having kept him from doing so beforehand. "I went through it all in
my head again. Considering everything that's gone on, I just couldn't
go through with it and leave this club," he whimpered, concealing a
well-thumbed copy of Patrick Vieira: When Only A Spot of
Badge-Kissing Will Do. "I never said I wanted to leave in the first
place," he continued, absent-mindedly forgetting he had done exactly
that only 24 hours ago.
Liverpool might surely prefer GBP35m in the bank to this annual
charade, and were probably spending the cash when this morning's
epiphany occurred. But that didn't stop $tevie Me shunting the blame
their way. "I know it's going to look as though I wanted to go, but I
thought I had no choice," he said, his eyebrows further intruding on
his hairline. "I'd felt I was being backed into a corner. When I
thought about it more, I just wanted to stay." The kind of lovely
sentiment Liverpool fans will gulp down all right, but the Fiver
can't help wishing the club had told him to take his change of heart
and boot it so far up his own backside that the sun would have to
make room for it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"What people don't see is what he does on the training ground. He
works harder than anyone else. There is a lot that people don't see
with Craig. It would be great to sign him" - Craig Bellamy's
relations with Graeme Souness might be irreparable, but former
team-mate Aaron Hughes is hoping he'll join him at Aston Villa.
*********************
ADVERT
Get two free cinema tickets and free unlimited DVD rentals for a month
when you subscribe to the Guardian's new DVD rental service:
www.guardian.co.uk/sofacinema
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Arsenal have either bid too little for Seville's Julio Baptista, bid a
bit more than too little, or have sealed the deal - depending on your
rag of choice.
Hernan Crespo is on his way back to Chelsea after being lent to AC
Milan for their amusement. Or he is on his way to Juventus -
depending on etc.
Robinho wants to leave Santos for Real Madrid. But he won't go
anywhere else "because that's the best team in the world".
Having failed to lure Peter Crouch to Manchester with the promise of a
brand new set of stilts, Stuart Pearce has set his Psycho star on
Frederic Kanoute.
Lee Bowyer to Charlton for GBP1.5m. You probably didn't read it here
first.
No sooner have West Ham been promoted, than Steve Lomas could be on
his way to Hearts or Preston.
Portsmouth have pushed the boat out in their attempt to maroon Damien
Francis in the middle of the Solent, sorry, lure him to the south
coast. They are now willing to pay GBP1.75m, rather than the GBP1.4m
initially rejected by Norwich.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Jeff Burnige has resigned as chairman of Millwall for "personal
reasons", less than two months after replacing Theo Paphitis.
Hugo Viana will return to Newcastle for pre-season training on Monday
following his year-long loan spell with Sporting Lisbon. His decision
has nothing to do with the fact that both Porto and Benfica have
dropped out of the race to sign him.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Has a streaker ever scored? Find out in the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1520987,00.html
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Let the greatest internet sports games ever ensure you a timely
sabbatical:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: Barney Ronay takes a spin around
Silverstone with India's No1 racing driver Narain Kartikeyan in the
run-up to the British grand prix, and William Fotheringham reports
from the Tour de France.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Hope the Fiver performs a dramatic U-turn today after Gerrard decided
to stay. It seems the 'wailing buffoon' (yesterday's Fiver) was right
in thinking Steve was different. It also seems Stevie Me does care
about his club and the fans" - Colin Blayney, Belfast (and others).
"Not only have the Liverpool board held on to their over-rated,
overpaid captain, they have managed to miss out on a squad-saving
injection of cash and have also lost all credibility through this
ridiculous flaunting of their fans' loyalty by a self-obsessed idiot.
Good luck against TNS, Stevie" - Graeme, Nottingham.
"Do you think those fans who spent last night burning their replica
Gerrard shirts outside Anfield are now delighted he's staying or
gutted they set fire to GBP45 worth of top-quality polyester for
absolutely no reason?" - Phil Pierce, Dublin.
"Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah. Between that
and his penchant for hideous leisure-wear, Steven Gerrard has become
the new Vicky Pollard" - Sam, London.
"I hope Steven Gerrard's football is not going to become as indecisive
as his decision-making off the field. Surely Liverpool cannot
maintain this mirage of bringing quality new players in by simply
're-signing' the ones they already have. What next? A shock bid for
Michael Owen?" - Dave, Pudsey.
"I am a life-long Liverpool supporter, born and bred within spitting
distance of the club. Gerrard may be a Scouser - but he is not a true
red. The Shankly legacy is what made Liverpool great ... [rant
abridged at this point - Fiver Ed] ... but Stevie you have displayed
your true colour, and it's not red. It is time for you to leave. No
player can be bigger than the club" - Julian Buchanan, Merseyside.
"Congratulations must go to Trevor Farry (yesterday's letters re: Matt
Heenan) for possibly the most pompous entry I've seen in Fiver
letters yet. He obviously sees no place for passion in football. I
imagine he too talks the way he types - like a fool who makes every
statement into a question(?)" - Chris Hodgson.
"Re: Ian from Bedford's bewilderment in yesterday's Fiver letters.
Calum Davenport goes out in Bedford because he lives in a village in
Bedfordshire, not in London" - Paul Hilliard, Luton.
"Re: uses for 35mm film canisters (yesterday's Fiver letters). Perhaps
little Michael Owen could be kept in one!" - Susan Forbes.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Phil Pierce.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC1: Worlds Apart (9pm)
Yesterday we asked for the smallest, most petty reason you've ever
ended a relationship. The results, sadly, were as disappointed as a
Parisian at 12.47am today.
ITV1: The Metal Hammer Golden Gods Awards (12pm)
"On Friday, November 23, 1984, I snogged Siobhan Archer at the
village hall disco," writes Simon Roberts.
Channel 4: Big Brother (10pm)
"It rounded off an excellent week which had started with permission
to go and watch my first Leeds United away game without my Dad.
Five: Naked in New Zealand (12.10am)
"My friend Jonny and I set off the following morning for the Second
Division clash between Oxford United and Leeds in the knowledge that
a win would put us top and we could try and spot ourselves on TV at
home later.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mundial (11pm)
"A dream start: Tommy Wright and Peter Lorimer made it 2-0 to Leeds.
Radio Five Live: Sport on 5 (7pm
"A disastrous second half saw us concede four and lose 5-2. Thinking
that Siobhan was a jinx, I promptly dumped her before first period
Monday morning."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Surely you can do better than that? Email us with your petty dumping
tales to the.boss@guardian.co.uk with the subject title: Petty? You
Don't Know Petty!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
EAST LONDON'S BEEN WAITING FOR 200 YEARS TO BE RENOVATED AND WHAT DOES
IT GET? A VELODROME
The Fiver was written by Georgina Turner. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
06 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Love the Club
* * * * * * * * * * * *
GERRARD: I WANT TO STAY
Yesterday, $teven Gerrard was set on leaving Anfield, despite being
offered a weekly cheque of GBP100,000. Today, he's decided that
actually, he loves the club and never, ever wanted to leave, not for
all the money in Russia. Having called trusting Liverpool supporters
"gullible buffoons" in the intervening hours, the Fiver now faces the
same awkward situation as someone arriving at a job interview only to
be greeted by the boss they treated to a departing mooney several
years back. So let's just get on with today's developments, shall we?
"I had the whole of yesterday to think about what I was doing,"
Gerrard explained this morning, the ringing of cash registers clearly
having kept him from doing so beforehand. "I went through it all in
my head again. Considering everything that's gone on, I just couldn't
go through with it and leave this club," he whimpered, concealing a
well-thumbed copy of Patrick Vieira: When Only A Spot of
Badge-Kissing Will Do. "I never said I wanted to leave in the first
place," he continued, absent-mindedly forgetting he had done exactly
that only 24 hours ago.
Liverpool might surely prefer GBP35m in the bank to this annual
charade, and were probably spending the cash when this morning's
epiphany occurred. But that didn't stop $tevie Me shunting the blame
their way. "I know it's going to look as though I wanted to go, but I
thought I had no choice," he said, his eyebrows further intruding on
his hairline. "I'd felt I was being backed into a corner. When I
thought about it more, I just wanted to stay." The kind of lovely
sentiment Liverpool fans will gulp down all right, but the Fiver
can't help wishing the club had told him to take his change of heart
and boot it so far up his own backside that the sun would have to
make room for it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"What people don't see is what he does on the training ground. He
works harder than anyone else. There is a lot that people don't see
with Craig. It would be great to sign him" - Craig Bellamy's
relations with Graeme Souness might be irreparable, but former
team-mate Aaron Hughes is hoping he'll join him at Aston Villa.
*********************
ADVERT
Get two free cinema tickets and free unlimited DVD rentals for a month
when you subscribe to the Guardian's new DVD rental service:
www.guardian.co.uk/sofacinema
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Arsenal have either bid too little for Seville's Julio Baptista, bid a
bit more than too little, or have sealed the deal - depending on your
rag of choice.
Hernan Crespo is on his way back to Chelsea after being lent to AC
Milan for their amusement. Or he is on his way to Juventus -
depending on etc.
Robinho wants to leave Santos for Real Madrid. But he won't go
anywhere else "because that's the best team in the world".
Having failed to lure Peter Crouch to Manchester with the promise of a
brand new set of stilts, Stuart Pearce has set his Psycho star on
Frederic Kanoute.
Lee Bowyer to Charlton for GBP1.5m. You probably didn't read it here
first.
No sooner have West Ham been promoted, than Steve Lomas could be on
his way to Hearts or Preston.
Portsmouth have pushed the boat out in their attempt to maroon Damien
Francis in the middle of the Solent, sorry, lure him to the south
coast. They are now willing to pay GBP1.75m, rather than the GBP1.4m
initially rejected by Norwich.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Jeff Burnige has resigned as chairman of Millwall for "personal
reasons", less than two months after replacing Theo Paphitis.
Hugo Viana will return to Newcastle for pre-season training on Monday
following his year-long loan spell with Sporting Lisbon. His decision
has nothing to do with the fact that both Porto and Benfica have
dropped out of the race to sign him.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Has a streaker ever scored? Find out in the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1520987,00.html
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Let the greatest internet sports games ever ensure you a timely
sabbatical:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: Barney Ronay takes a spin around
Silverstone with India's No1 racing driver Narain Kartikeyan in the
run-up to the British grand prix, and William Fotheringham reports
from the Tour de France.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Hope the Fiver performs a dramatic U-turn today after Gerrard decided
to stay. It seems the 'wailing buffoon' (yesterday's Fiver) was right
in thinking Steve was different. It also seems Stevie Me does care
about his club and the fans" - Colin Blayney, Belfast (and others).
"Not only have the Liverpool board held on to their over-rated,
overpaid captain, they have managed to miss out on a squad-saving
injection of cash and have also lost all credibility through this
ridiculous flaunting of their fans' loyalty by a self-obsessed idiot.
Good luck against TNS, Stevie" - Graeme, Nottingham.
"Do you think those fans who spent last night burning their replica
Gerrard shirts outside Anfield are now delighted he's staying or
gutted they set fire to GBP45 worth of top-quality polyester for
absolutely no reason?" - Phil Pierce, Dublin.
"Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah. Between that
and his penchant for hideous leisure-wear, Steven Gerrard has become
the new Vicky Pollard" - Sam, London.
"I hope Steven Gerrard's football is not going to become as indecisive
as his decision-making off the field. Surely Liverpool cannot
maintain this mirage of bringing quality new players in by simply
're-signing' the ones they already have. What next? A shock bid for
Michael Owen?" - Dave, Pudsey.
"I am a life-long Liverpool supporter, born and bred within spitting
distance of the club. Gerrard may be a Scouser - but he is not a true
red. The Shankly legacy is what made Liverpool great ... [rant
abridged at this point - Fiver Ed] ... but Stevie you have displayed
your true colour, and it's not red. It is time for you to leave. No
player can be bigger than the club" - Julian Buchanan, Merseyside.
"Congratulations must go to Trevor Farry (yesterday's letters re: Matt
Heenan) for possibly the most pompous entry I've seen in Fiver
letters yet. He obviously sees no place for passion in football. I
imagine he too talks the way he types - like a fool who makes every
statement into a question(?)" - Chris Hodgson.
"Re: Ian from Bedford's bewilderment in yesterday's Fiver letters.
Calum Davenport goes out in Bedford because he lives in a village in
Bedfordshire, not in London" - Paul Hilliard, Luton.
"Re: uses for 35mm film canisters (yesterday's Fiver letters). Perhaps
little Michael Owen could be kept in one!" - Susan Forbes.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Phil Pierce.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC1: Worlds Apart (9pm)
Yesterday we asked for the smallest, most petty reason you've ever
ended a relationship. The results, sadly, were as disappointed as a
Parisian at 12.47am today.
ITV1: The Metal Hammer Golden Gods Awards (12pm)
"On Friday, November 23, 1984, I snogged Siobhan Archer at the
village hall disco," writes Simon Roberts.
Channel 4: Big Brother (10pm)
"It rounded off an excellent week which had started with permission
to go and watch my first Leeds United away game without my Dad.
Five: Naked in New Zealand (12.10am)
"My friend Jonny and I set off the following morning for the Second
Division clash between Oxford United and Leeds in the knowledge that
a win would put us top and we could try and spot ourselves on TV at
home later.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mundial (11pm)
"A dream start: Tommy Wright and Peter Lorimer made it 2-0 to Leeds.
Radio Five Live: Sport on 5 (7pm
"A disastrous second half saw us concede four and lose 5-2. Thinking
that Siobhan was a jinx, I promptly dumped her before first period
Monday morning."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Surely you can do better than that? Email us with your petty dumping
tales to the.boss@guardian.co.uk with the subject title: Petty? You
Don't Know Petty!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
EAST LONDON'S BEEN WAITING FOR 200 YEARS TO BE RENOVATED AND WHAT DOES
IT GET? A VELODROME
The Fiver was written by Georgina Turner. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.