Post by Salem6 on Jul 4, 2005 16:50:10 GMT
The Fiver
04 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Isn't As Good As He Thinks He Is
* * * * * * * * * * * *
LIPSTICK, POWDER AND PAINT
Days before Liverpool's Big Cup win over Chelsea in April, the entire
squad went paintballing. As a team-building exercise it clearly
worked - the spirit in the camp, according to one source, was
"brilliant" - but some couldn't resist the opportunity to show others
who really was "the man". Step forward Rafa Benitez, who stealthily
crept up behind Steven Gerrard and fired a rat-a-tat of yellow and
green pellets, which travelled at 300mph before splattering into one
of the Liverpool captain's more padded areas. "Ow! Ow! 'You shot me
in the ar$e! You shot me in the ar$e!", he cried. Today, however, he
may feel like he's been stabbed in the back.
The reason? Contract talks with Liverpool have broken down, as have
relations between Benitez and Gerrard. Depending on who you listen
to, Gerrard wants between GBP90,000-GBP100,000-a-week, thinks Benitez
doesn't rate him and would quite fancy a change. Those who know
Benitez believe he doesn't want his captain to go, but also quite
fancies the GBP30m he'd get from a player he (rightly) reckons isn't
as good as he thinks he is. So, as shock announcements from
Merseyside go, the 11am comment from Gerrard's Mr 15% that: "Talks
with Liverpool have stalled and are unlikely to be reopened" probably
ranks up there alongside "Sonia's second album has tanked!".
Two hours later, with odds on Gerrard joining Real Madrid falling like
Milan Baros in the penalty box, came Benitez's response. "We want
Steven with us for next season and the rest of his life," he
insisted. "If I decide to go after eight years or so, I would like to
see him as assistant manager, chief scout, if he wants, or maybe as
manager. The main thing is we want him to stay with us and we will
try until the end." Rick Parry, too, waded in, adding: "We still hope
this situation is repairable. We have wanted to keep Steven all
along." Yet the suspicion remains a move would suit both player and
club. The question is, whether it'll be to London or Madrid.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"To avoid any speculation on the subject, I can confirm that apart
from my clients agreeing not to insist on Mr Kewell paying their
legal costs, none of them provided anything to Mr Kewell as part of
the settlement arrangements" - Gary Lineker's lawyer Andrew Hearn
confirms that neither the crisp-hawker nor the Sunday Telegraph paid
Harry Kewell any compensation after the Australian's libel action was
finally settled out of court. "Harry feels that he has been
vindicated," said Kewell's solicitor Chris Farnell.
*********************
ADVERT: WWF
Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's endangered
species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
I predict a riot: Blackeye Rovers are set to duke it out with Bolton
for Kaizer Chiefs front-man Collins Mbesuma.
In a futile bid to get the last laugh, Middlesbrough will upstage
Liverpool for snatching Bolo Zenden from them by doing the same with
... Salif Diao.
Now that Inter have joined Milan in the chase for Italian hotshot
Alberto Gilardino, Parma think they can raise their valuation beyond
GBP35m by name-dropping Chelsea among his admirers.
However, if the Blues fail in that raid, fresh interest from Juventus
in Hernan Crespo could help Jose Mourinho bring David Trezeguet to
the Bridge.
Wigan's inability to strengthen their squad this summer will be
compounded if Sunderland can prize Jimmy Bullard from his Latics
shirt.
Bryan Robson plans to follow Darren Carter's GBP1.5m signing with a
swoop for Steve Watson, while Jason Koumas sneaks out of the
Hawthorns to Cardiff.
The Fifa transfer embargo imparted upon Roma could hamper any hopes
Olivier Dacourt had of a move to Bolton - that and the fact he's only
30.
Wolves manager Saint Glenn Hoddle's GBP2m bid for Derby pair Inigo
Idiakez and Grzegorz Rasiak hinges on whether or not he was nice to
his mum in a previous life.
And an anxious Claus Lundekvam wants to tie up a move to Celtic asap
after seeing his Southampton wages halved after their relegation last
season.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Fans of Tyneside Celebrity Wrestling have been left disappointed after
Craig Bellamy was given an extra week's holiday instead of joining up
for Newcastle's first day of pre-season training.
Oman international goalkeeper Ali Al Habsi has signed a pre-contract
agreement to join Bolton from Norwegian side SFK Lyn in January.
On to more weighty matters, whereby Middlesbrough have won their work
permit appeal for GBP7.5m signing Yakubu.
Tottenham defender Calum Davenport has been questioned by police over
allegations he attacked another man in Bedford nightclub Oxygen.
Central African Republic-born teenage left-back Kelly Youga has
completed a free transfer switch to Charlton from Lyon.
Ugarte to be kidding: Crewe have seen off all-comers to win the
prolific Juan's signature.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Dominic Fifield pinpoints why Steven Gerrard will turn his back on
Liverpool:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1520689,00.html
"I'm not going back in there! I just saw a snake fish!" Gemma Clarke
and Anna Kessel join THFC on their post-season trip to Mauritius:
football.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,9753,1520389,00.html
Check out Pro Ego 2005 in our all-singing-and-dancing Nightclub
Patrick Gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1511993,00.html
Don't hate the player, hate the greatest internet sports games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
As decision day looms, get all the latest news on London's 2012 bid in
our special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/london2012/0,14213,1134327,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: Paul Kelso on the Olympic bid's
endgame strategy, Richard Williams on the future of the Lions and
Alan Henry on Jenson Button's return to the British grand prix.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I've found it interesting that no fuss has been made about Tony Pulis
being sacked by Stoke's Icelandic owners for not signing enough
Icelandic players and the national news headlines have again been
dominated by Man Utd fans whinging that their club is now owned by
one billionaire instead of several different billionaires" - Ben
Stokes.
"Re Dave Jones's letter stating that Saxon hail from Rotherham. He is
obviously in some kind of Fantasy Fiver pool and expecting lots of
angry retorts to his missive. Everybody knows that Saxon rampaged
from Barnsley on their Wheels of Steel, in their Denim and Leather,
etc. Does anyone know if Biff Byford is all right? I think he's
started to look a little pale lately" - Samuel Smith.
"I saw Paolo Maldini with his family on Cabbage Beach in the Bahamas
yesterday. His son was crying as he'd got stung by a jellyfish. Is
this interesting enough to get into the Fiver?" - Simon, Nassau.
"May I be excused from watching any Aston Villa games this season?" -
Tom Cullen.
"Why, as I write, are Gilberto Silva, Arsene Wenger and David Dein
sitting in an executive box at the Mineirao stadium in Belo Horizonte
watching Atletico Mineiro v Flamengo?" - Julian Beach.
"Friday's best letter prize goes to Ger Gilroy! Come off it - you're
clearly just in a swoon because an almost-celebrity has bothered to
write to you. Robert Eden's letter about Ger Gilroy was considerably
more amusing than the one-liner allegedly from the man himself" -
Steve Allen.
"LIVERPOOL SHOULD DO ALL IN THERE POWER TO KEEP STEVIE GERRARD AT
ANFIELD HE LOVES THE CLUB AND THERE SUPPORTERS I SUPPORT LIVERPOOL
AND MR GERRARD WOULD BE THE FIRST PLAYER ON MY TEAM SHEET BECAUSE HE
ALWAYS GIVES 110 PER CENT SO LIVERPOOL SHOULD DO THE SAME AND GIVE
STEVIE GERRARD 110 PER CENT HE DESERVES IT WE LOVE STEVIE GERRARD" -
MATT HEENAN.
"Re: Ian Rush, Howard Wilkinson and Jim Smith possibly bringing their
unique brand of management to the Australian national team (Friday's
Fiver). Why would the Aussies want the three blokes from Last of the
Summer Wine running their football team? Managerial bath (comically
positioned at the top of an incline) as opposed to the dug-out from
now on is it?" - David Gallagher.
"I see Stuart Lavin (Friday's Fiver letters) has been reading Robbo's
column on the BBC website then attempting to pass off the idea of the
three W's finishing bottom of the Premiership off as his own! Some
people will do anything to get their name in print" - David Sayer.
"Re Friday's last line: 'How many halves are there in a hurling
match?' The answer is four. Two periods of time and the corner
forward's head split in two" - Shane Mawe.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Samuel Smith.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC Two: Frontline Football (11.20pm)
Has it really come to this? With the exception of Martin Allen's
magnificent tale of frottage at a Bryan Adams concert, your Weird
Festival Tales have been wallowing in feculence and largely
uninspiring.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11pm)
As were your Weird Flatmates and Horrific Sports Injuries tales
before them.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Football (10pm)
We're in dire need a decent riff with which to pad out the TV and
Radio section of the Fiver for the next few weeks, but are completely
bereft of good ideas.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
Which is why we need you to send us your suggestions, however
ridiculous you think they might be. If nothing else, we can publish
the worst of them and name and shame the culprits until something
decent crops up.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and put This One Could Run and Run in
the subject bar.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"WE LOOK DOWN ON THESE CYCLISTS THAT LOOK SOMEHOW LIKE CATTLE IN A MAD
WAY, BUT CATTLE ON BIKES"
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
04 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Isn't As Good As He Thinks He Is
* * * * * * * * * * * *
LIPSTICK, POWDER AND PAINT
Days before Liverpool's Big Cup win over Chelsea in April, the entire
squad went paintballing. As a team-building exercise it clearly
worked - the spirit in the camp, according to one source, was
"brilliant" - but some couldn't resist the opportunity to show others
who really was "the man". Step forward Rafa Benitez, who stealthily
crept up behind Steven Gerrard and fired a rat-a-tat of yellow and
green pellets, which travelled at 300mph before splattering into one
of the Liverpool captain's more padded areas. "Ow! Ow! 'You shot me
in the ar$e! You shot me in the ar$e!", he cried. Today, however, he
may feel like he's been stabbed in the back.
The reason? Contract talks with Liverpool have broken down, as have
relations between Benitez and Gerrard. Depending on who you listen
to, Gerrard wants between GBP90,000-GBP100,000-a-week, thinks Benitez
doesn't rate him and would quite fancy a change. Those who know
Benitez believe he doesn't want his captain to go, but also quite
fancies the GBP30m he'd get from a player he (rightly) reckons isn't
as good as he thinks he is. So, as shock announcements from
Merseyside go, the 11am comment from Gerrard's Mr 15% that: "Talks
with Liverpool have stalled and are unlikely to be reopened" probably
ranks up there alongside "Sonia's second album has tanked!".
Two hours later, with odds on Gerrard joining Real Madrid falling like
Milan Baros in the penalty box, came Benitez's response. "We want
Steven with us for next season and the rest of his life," he
insisted. "If I decide to go after eight years or so, I would like to
see him as assistant manager, chief scout, if he wants, or maybe as
manager. The main thing is we want him to stay with us and we will
try until the end." Rick Parry, too, waded in, adding: "We still hope
this situation is repairable. We have wanted to keep Steven all
along." Yet the suspicion remains a move would suit both player and
club. The question is, whether it'll be to London or Madrid.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"To avoid any speculation on the subject, I can confirm that apart
from my clients agreeing not to insist on Mr Kewell paying their
legal costs, none of them provided anything to Mr Kewell as part of
the settlement arrangements" - Gary Lineker's lawyer Andrew Hearn
confirms that neither the crisp-hawker nor the Sunday Telegraph paid
Harry Kewell any compensation after the Australian's libel action was
finally settled out of court. "Harry feels that he has been
vindicated," said Kewell's solicitor Chris Farnell.
*********************
ADVERT: WWF
Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's endangered
species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
I predict a riot: Blackeye Rovers are set to duke it out with Bolton
for Kaizer Chiefs front-man Collins Mbesuma.
In a futile bid to get the last laugh, Middlesbrough will upstage
Liverpool for snatching Bolo Zenden from them by doing the same with
... Salif Diao.
Now that Inter have joined Milan in the chase for Italian hotshot
Alberto Gilardino, Parma think they can raise their valuation beyond
GBP35m by name-dropping Chelsea among his admirers.
However, if the Blues fail in that raid, fresh interest from Juventus
in Hernan Crespo could help Jose Mourinho bring David Trezeguet to
the Bridge.
Wigan's inability to strengthen their squad this summer will be
compounded if Sunderland can prize Jimmy Bullard from his Latics
shirt.
Bryan Robson plans to follow Darren Carter's GBP1.5m signing with a
swoop for Steve Watson, while Jason Koumas sneaks out of the
Hawthorns to Cardiff.
The Fifa transfer embargo imparted upon Roma could hamper any hopes
Olivier Dacourt had of a move to Bolton - that and the fact he's only
30.
Wolves manager Saint Glenn Hoddle's GBP2m bid for Derby pair Inigo
Idiakez and Grzegorz Rasiak hinges on whether or not he was nice to
his mum in a previous life.
And an anxious Claus Lundekvam wants to tie up a move to Celtic asap
after seeing his Southampton wages halved after their relegation last
season.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Fans of Tyneside Celebrity Wrestling have been left disappointed after
Craig Bellamy was given an extra week's holiday instead of joining up
for Newcastle's first day of pre-season training.
Oman international goalkeeper Ali Al Habsi has signed a pre-contract
agreement to join Bolton from Norwegian side SFK Lyn in January.
On to more weighty matters, whereby Middlesbrough have won their work
permit appeal for GBP7.5m signing Yakubu.
Tottenham defender Calum Davenport has been questioned by police over
allegations he attacked another man in Bedford nightclub Oxygen.
Central African Republic-born teenage left-back Kelly Youga has
completed a free transfer switch to Charlton from Lyon.
Ugarte to be kidding: Crewe have seen off all-comers to win the
prolific Juan's signature.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Dominic Fifield pinpoints why Steven Gerrard will turn his back on
Liverpool:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1520689,00.html
"I'm not going back in there! I just saw a snake fish!" Gemma Clarke
and Anna Kessel join THFC on their post-season trip to Mauritius:
football.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,9753,1520389,00.html
Check out Pro Ego 2005 in our all-singing-and-dancing Nightclub
Patrick Gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1511993,00.html
Don't hate the player, hate the greatest internet sports games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
As decision day looms, get all the latest news on London's 2012 bid in
our special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/london2012/0,14213,1134327,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: Paul Kelso on the Olympic bid's
endgame strategy, Richard Williams on the future of the Lions and
Alan Henry on Jenson Button's return to the British grand prix.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I've found it interesting that no fuss has been made about Tony Pulis
being sacked by Stoke's Icelandic owners for not signing enough
Icelandic players and the national news headlines have again been
dominated by Man Utd fans whinging that their club is now owned by
one billionaire instead of several different billionaires" - Ben
Stokes.
"Re Dave Jones's letter stating that Saxon hail from Rotherham. He is
obviously in some kind of Fantasy Fiver pool and expecting lots of
angry retorts to his missive. Everybody knows that Saxon rampaged
from Barnsley on their Wheels of Steel, in their Denim and Leather,
etc. Does anyone know if Biff Byford is all right? I think he's
started to look a little pale lately" - Samuel Smith.
"I saw Paolo Maldini with his family on Cabbage Beach in the Bahamas
yesterday. His son was crying as he'd got stung by a jellyfish. Is
this interesting enough to get into the Fiver?" - Simon, Nassau.
"May I be excused from watching any Aston Villa games this season?" -
Tom Cullen.
"Why, as I write, are Gilberto Silva, Arsene Wenger and David Dein
sitting in an executive box at the Mineirao stadium in Belo Horizonte
watching Atletico Mineiro v Flamengo?" - Julian Beach.
"Friday's best letter prize goes to Ger Gilroy! Come off it - you're
clearly just in a swoon because an almost-celebrity has bothered to
write to you. Robert Eden's letter about Ger Gilroy was considerably
more amusing than the one-liner allegedly from the man himself" -
Steve Allen.
"LIVERPOOL SHOULD DO ALL IN THERE POWER TO KEEP STEVIE GERRARD AT
ANFIELD HE LOVES THE CLUB AND THERE SUPPORTERS I SUPPORT LIVERPOOL
AND MR GERRARD WOULD BE THE FIRST PLAYER ON MY TEAM SHEET BECAUSE HE
ALWAYS GIVES 110 PER CENT SO LIVERPOOL SHOULD DO THE SAME AND GIVE
STEVIE GERRARD 110 PER CENT HE DESERVES IT WE LOVE STEVIE GERRARD" -
MATT HEENAN.
"Re: Ian Rush, Howard Wilkinson and Jim Smith possibly bringing their
unique brand of management to the Australian national team (Friday's
Fiver). Why would the Aussies want the three blokes from Last of the
Summer Wine running their football team? Managerial bath (comically
positioned at the top of an incline) as opposed to the dug-out from
now on is it?" - David Gallagher.
"I see Stuart Lavin (Friday's Fiver letters) has been reading Robbo's
column on the BBC website then attempting to pass off the idea of the
three W's finishing bottom of the Premiership off as his own! Some
people will do anything to get their name in print" - David Sayer.
"Re Friday's last line: 'How many halves are there in a hurling
match?' The answer is four. Two periods of time and the corner
forward's head split in two" - Shane Mawe.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Samuel Smith.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC Two: Frontline Football (11.20pm)
Has it really come to this? With the exception of Martin Allen's
magnificent tale of frottage at a Bryan Adams concert, your Weird
Festival Tales have been wallowing in feculence and largely
uninspiring.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (11pm)
As were your Weird Flatmates and Horrific Sports Injuries tales
before them.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Football (10pm)
We're in dire need a decent riff with which to pad out the TV and
Radio section of the Fiver for the next few weeks, but are completely
bereft of good ideas.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
Which is why we need you to send us your suggestions, however
ridiculous you think they might be. If nothing else, we can publish
the worst of them and name and shame the culprits until something
decent crops up.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk and put This One Could Run and Run in
the subject bar.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"WE LOOK DOWN ON THESE CYCLISTS THAT LOOK SOMEHOW LIKE CATTLE IN A MAD
WAY, BUT CATTLE ON BIKES"
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.