Post by Salem6 on Jun 30, 2005 16:42:07 GMT
The Fiver
30 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Glaze Over
* * * * * * * * * * * *
TRIPLE GLAZING
Bottles, bricks, baton charges, snarling police dogs and arrests -
short of seeing an actual soccerball match, new MU Rowdies owner
Malcolm Glazer's three American sons couldn't have received a better
grounding in the arcane delights of English football when they paid
their first visit to the Old Trafford ballpark last night. The
behaviour of the fans will surely have puzzled the brothers Glazer -
having spent months fruitlessly trying to keep the Americans out of
their club, the hapless protestors spent yesterday building
barricades across several exits in an equally fruitless attempt to
prevent them from leaving it.
Today, a Manchester police chief defended the actions of officers who
charged the Malcolmtents and denied claims that officers had been
heavy-handed in using batons against the protestors. "In our view
this was a violent demonstration that had the potential to become
even more violent. We believe officers used the batons quite lawfully
and quite justifiably," allo, allo, alloed assistant chief constable
Steve Thomas. "Some of our dogs did bite United fans, but have been
given tetanus and rabies shots as a precautionary measure," he could
have continued but didn't.
This morning saw Hughie, Louis and Dewey Glazer pay a more leisurely
visit around Old Trafford where they took time out to stock up on
expensive tat from the club Megastore, before settling down to listen
to some of club director Sir Bobby Charlton's interesting stories
over lunch. "They know all about the history of the club, about
Munich and what happened there. I think the club is bigger than the
Glazer family, the players or the directors that have been here
before. I am happy with what they had to say and feel better for
hearing them," explained Charlton, as what sounded like the snoring
of three portly yanks in the background threatened to drown him out.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I hope to play for Real Madrid. I have spoken to Real Madrid and it
will be good for my career to go now" - Brazilian genius Robinho
breaks the hearts of his club Santos, potential suitors Arsenal and
poor Michael Owen.
*********************
ADVERT: WWF Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's
endangered species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a
month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Portsmouth are currently winning the Damien Francis auction with a bid
of GBP1.4m, but Norwich are hoping that Charlton and Fulham will push
the price up.
Ian Holloway is attempting to bring Tore Andre Flo to QPR but admits:
"Getting a player of his quality is a real 100-1 shot."
Alan Pardew is doing his best Wile E Coyote impression as he chases
Strasbourg striker Mamadou Niang while waving a big Acme West Ham
contract.
Barcelona are so scared of losing Ronaldinho, they will offer him a
bumper new deal to keep him at the Nou Camp until 2014.
Wigan's plan to buy British has been shelved rather swiftly as they
close in on Manchester City's French defender David Sommeil.
He can't displace the hapless Dida from Milan's goal, but Christian
Abbiati has emerged as a target for Big Cup-bound Everton.
And the next stop for Atletico Madrid's comedy summer spree? Salif
Diao's house.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
A six-man panel, including five ex-Hibs players, has refused Dundee
United striker Jason Scotland a work permit, saying "he would not
make a significant contribution to the Scottish game". Among the
Trinidadian's significant contributions to the Scottish game last
season? Scoring the goal that knocked Hibs out of the Scottish Cup
semi-final.
Meanwhile, the Hibees' cross-city buddies - that's Hearts - are on the
brink of handing George Burley their managerial reins.
In an overly-ambitious bid to win his dad's son-playing-for-England
bet, Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland has joined West Brom for a
"period of training and assessment" ahead of a likely season-long
loan.
Big Sam has named Little Sammy Lee as his new assistant manager at
Bolton.
Fifa has scrapped the 'extra 10-yard dissent rule' at free-kicks,
claiming non-rugby-playing nations can't understand it.
After watching his side win the Confederations Cup with a 4-1 win over
arch-rivals Argentina, Brazil coach Carlos Alberto Parreira declared:
"We are going in [to the World Cup] as absolute favourites."
And notoriously placid defender Alpay has been fired by Japanese club
Urawa Reds after being sent off three times in seven matches.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Do you play for a rubbish football team? Want Sir Trevor Brooking's
advice? Well, click here:
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,1506923,00.html
Ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive! Yep, it's the Nightclub Patrick
Gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1511993,00.html
Rain can't stop Stick Cricket play in the best internet sports games
ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
It's shiny, it's informative, it's our Wimbledon special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/0,16055,1496859,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Daniel Tunnard's claim that the Chuckle Brothers are from Stockport
is wrong - I worked at a theatre in Grimsby during their Chuckle
Desert Island run and had them sign a giant poster for my Dad who is
a lifelong Rotherham fan. Under both of their signatures they have
written 'Up the Millers!' which to this day still hangs in his study.
Surely this kind of proof would stand up in court?" - Ben Saxon.
"Re the mooted Rotherham benefit at Millmoor: surely Saxon should be
headlining over the Chuckle Brothers and Jive Bunny?" - Andy
Wadsworth. "Re: famous sons of Rotherham. Sorry, but the Millers
can't have Paul 'Ted-from-Hi-De-Hi' Shane. He's Doncaster through and
through, as anyone who's seen him knocking them back in the Pastures
Lodge, Denaby Main, will testify. And Mexborough, home of the Chuckle
Brothers, is also technically in Donny. Rovers can also lay claim to
Brian Blessed and, er, Lesley Garrett. As a gesture of goodwill,
though, Rotherham can keep William Hague and Jive Bunny" - Dave
Jones.
"At Bolton we have Amir Khan and Vernon Kaye as celebrity fans. It may
not tempt any players to join us but surely a pro-celebrity boxing
match would be good value entertainment and something people up and
down the country would enjoy watching!" - Lewis Murdoch.
"Richard Bennett (yesterday's Fiver Letters) lists a star studded
line-up of Palace supporting comedy greats, but forgets to include
Harry Enfield, Mark Steele, Rob Newman, Windsor Davis, Roy Hudd (OK,
I'm stretching this a bit) and one-time regular Ronnie Corbett, who
as part of the Bring A Pal To The Palace campaign circa 1977, dragged
Ronnie Barker to Selhurst" - Mark Holmes.
"While it is true that Palace have a number of comedians as fans, we
also share our love of the Eagles with the crushingly unfunny David
'Kid' Jensen. That has to balance it out, doesn't it?" - Ray, Texas.
"THFC have more funny fans than Palace, although some of ours are
dead. Peter Cook, Bernard Bresslaw, Bernie Winters and Schnorbitz,
Harry Enfield, Paul Whitehouse, Phil Cornwell, Leslie Philips, Jimmy
Jones, Bobby Davro and Bruce Forsyth. And from where I sit I often
see Kenny Lynch in the West Stand chatting with Phil Collins at
half-time. At least I think it's them" - Andrew Quin.
"The last item on Tonight's TV And Radio has been Off The Ball With
Ger Gilroy for the last ten million Fivers. Some questions: do any
Fiver readers listen to this? Who or what is Ger Gilroy? What is Ger
short for? Does anyone care? Is there a single Fiver reader who isn't
by now fully aware of Ger's exploits and availability and do any of
us really need further reminders?" - Richard Lindley.
"Re: Shona Black's festival tale in yesterday's Fiver: 'Her parents
made me go all the way back to Tipperary to collect her from the
police station'. Am I the only one who was disappointed not to see a
gag about it being a long way to Tipperary?" - Damian, Tokyo.
"Is it me or is this the most rubbish close season for transfers in
living memory? Come on chairmen, spend our money as if it is going
out of fashion, without worrying about the catastrophic consequences"
- Dave, Pudsey.
"Is there anyone outside the Newcastle hierarchy who doesn't think
Laurent Robert is telling the truth and that the more Souness and
Shepherd react, the more they act like the children Robert accuses
them of being?" - Paul Ruffley.
"Re: Werthers Originals sponsoring Mansfield town. It would be more
financially lucrative than existing and previous sponsors. With all
due respect, Andrew Saunders Insurance Services and Gunthorpe
Textiles are hardly giants in their respective industries" - Matt
Antill.
"Re: your WWF advertisement. I'm doing the Three Peaks in 24 hours in
aid of this very charity. If anyone could sponsor me at
www.justgiving.com/jdennis I am sure the pandas and tigers
would, like me, appreciate it. Apologies for the cheek" - Jon Dennis.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Dave Jones.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 3: Polo - England v Argentina (8pm)
"It was the Monday morning after yet another spectacularly drunken T
in the Park," begins Iain Walker, presenting today's parable of
festival doom.
ITV1: Ladette To Lady (9pm)
"Waking up from the weekend's festivities, I ventured with some
trepidation towards the urinals. On my arrival, they were, as
expected, brimming." Lovely.
BBC Two: Today at Wimbledon (9.25pm)
"As I got down to business, an incredibly wasted casualty of the
weekend fell into the fenced-off area that contained the troughs.
ITV1: Redcoats (R) (1.15am)
"What he did next, to this day, still brings bile to my throat." Go
on, Iain...
Five: US Major League Soccer (3.40am)
"A toothbrush appeared in his hand from nowhere, as did a tube of
toothpaste; by this point the horror of what was unfolding had me
frozen to the spot.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
"As you may have guessed, the fool then proceeded to dip his
toothbrush in the urinals and began to clean his teeth!
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"Possibly the worst part was that he seemed to enjoy it!" Can you
beat that? Send your sludge-covered Festival stories to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, entitled 'The Mud Doesn't Look That
Deep...Oh'.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ONE DAY SOON, IT'LL ALL CALM DOWN
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
30 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Glaze Over
* * * * * * * * * * * *
TRIPLE GLAZING
Bottles, bricks, baton charges, snarling police dogs and arrests -
short of seeing an actual soccerball match, new MU Rowdies owner
Malcolm Glazer's three American sons couldn't have received a better
grounding in the arcane delights of English football when they paid
their first visit to the Old Trafford ballpark last night. The
behaviour of the fans will surely have puzzled the brothers Glazer -
having spent months fruitlessly trying to keep the Americans out of
their club, the hapless protestors spent yesterday building
barricades across several exits in an equally fruitless attempt to
prevent them from leaving it.
Today, a Manchester police chief defended the actions of officers who
charged the Malcolmtents and denied claims that officers had been
heavy-handed in using batons against the protestors. "In our view
this was a violent demonstration that had the potential to become
even more violent. We believe officers used the batons quite lawfully
and quite justifiably," allo, allo, alloed assistant chief constable
Steve Thomas. "Some of our dogs did bite United fans, but have been
given tetanus and rabies shots as a precautionary measure," he could
have continued but didn't.
This morning saw Hughie, Louis and Dewey Glazer pay a more leisurely
visit around Old Trafford where they took time out to stock up on
expensive tat from the club Megastore, before settling down to listen
to some of club director Sir Bobby Charlton's interesting stories
over lunch. "They know all about the history of the club, about
Munich and what happened there. I think the club is bigger than the
Glazer family, the players or the directors that have been here
before. I am happy with what they had to say and feel better for
hearing them," explained Charlton, as what sounded like the snoring
of three portly yanks in the background threatened to drown him out.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I hope to play for Real Madrid. I have spoken to Real Madrid and it
will be good for my career to go now" - Brazilian genius Robinho
breaks the hearts of his club Santos, potential suitors Arsenal and
poor Michael Owen.
*********************
ADVERT: WWF Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's
endangered species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a
month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Portsmouth are currently winning the Damien Francis auction with a bid
of GBP1.4m, but Norwich are hoping that Charlton and Fulham will push
the price up.
Ian Holloway is attempting to bring Tore Andre Flo to QPR but admits:
"Getting a player of his quality is a real 100-1 shot."
Alan Pardew is doing his best Wile E Coyote impression as he chases
Strasbourg striker Mamadou Niang while waving a big Acme West Ham
contract.
Barcelona are so scared of losing Ronaldinho, they will offer him a
bumper new deal to keep him at the Nou Camp until 2014.
Wigan's plan to buy British has been shelved rather swiftly as they
close in on Manchester City's French defender David Sommeil.
He can't displace the hapless Dida from Milan's goal, but Christian
Abbiati has emerged as a target for Big Cup-bound Everton.
And the next stop for Atletico Madrid's comedy summer spree? Salif
Diao's house.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
A six-man panel, including five ex-Hibs players, has refused Dundee
United striker Jason Scotland a work permit, saying "he would not
make a significant contribution to the Scottish game". Among the
Trinidadian's significant contributions to the Scottish game last
season? Scoring the goal that knocked Hibs out of the Scottish Cup
semi-final.
Meanwhile, the Hibees' cross-city buddies - that's Hearts - are on the
brink of handing George Burley their managerial reins.
In an overly-ambitious bid to win his dad's son-playing-for-England
bet, Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland has joined West Brom for a
"period of training and assessment" ahead of a likely season-long
loan.
Big Sam has named Little Sammy Lee as his new assistant manager at
Bolton.
Fifa has scrapped the 'extra 10-yard dissent rule' at free-kicks,
claiming non-rugby-playing nations can't understand it.
After watching his side win the Confederations Cup with a 4-1 win over
arch-rivals Argentina, Brazil coach Carlos Alberto Parreira declared:
"We are going in [to the World Cup] as absolute favourites."
And notoriously placid defender Alpay has been fired by Japanese club
Urawa Reds after being sent off three times in seven matches.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Do you play for a rubbish football team? Want Sir Trevor Brooking's
advice? Well, click here:
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,1506923,00.html
Ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive! Yep, it's the Nightclub Patrick
Gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1511993,00.html
Rain can't stop Stick Cricket play in the best internet sports games
ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
It's shiny, it's informative, it's our Wimbledon special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/0,16055,1496859,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Daniel Tunnard's claim that the Chuckle Brothers are from Stockport
is wrong - I worked at a theatre in Grimsby during their Chuckle
Desert Island run and had them sign a giant poster for my Dad who is
a lifelong Rotherham fan. Under both of their signatures they have
written 'Up the Millers!' which to this day still hangs in his study.
Surely this kind of proof would stand up in court?" - Ben Saxon.
"Re the mooted Rotherham benefit at Millmoor: surely Saxon should be
headlining over the Chuckle Brothers and Jive Bunny?" - Andy
Wadsworth. "Re: famous sons of Rotherham. Sorry, but the Millers
can't have Paul 'Ted-from-Hi-De-Hi' Shane. He's Doncaster through and
through, as anyone who's seen him knocking them back in the Pastures
Lodge, Denaby Main, will testify. And Mexborough, home of the Chuckle
Brothers, is also technically in Donny. Rovers can also lay claim to
Brian Blessed and, er, Lesley Garrett. As a gesture of goodwill,
though, Rotherham can keep William Hague and Jive Bunny" - Dave
Jones.
"At Bolton we have Amir Khan and Vernon Kaye as celebrity fans. It may
not tempt any players to join us but surely a pro-celebrity boxing
match would be good value entertainment and something people up and
down the country would enjoy watching!" - Lewis Murdoch.
"Richard Bennett (yesterday's Fiver Letters) lists a star studded
line-up of Palace supporting comedy greats, but forgets to include
Harry Enfield, Mark Steele, Rob Newman, Windsor Davis, Roy Hudd (OK,
I'm stretching this a bit) and one-time regular Ronnie Corbett, who
as part of the Bring A Pal To The Palace campaign circa 1977, dragged
Ronnie Barker to Selhurst" - Mark Holmes.
"While it is true that Palace have a number of comedians as fans, we
also share our love of the Eagles with the crushingly unfunny David
'Kid' Jensen. That has to balance it out, doesn't it?" - Ray, Texas.
"THFC have more funny fans than Palace, although some of ours are
dead. Peter Cook, Bernard Bresslaw, Bernie Winters and Schnorbitz,
Harry Enfield, Paul Whitehouse, Phil Cornwell, Leslie Philips, Jimmy
Jones, Bobby Davro and Bruce Forsyth. And from where I sit I often
see Kenny Lynch in the West Stand chatting with Phil Collins at
half-time. At least I think it's them" - Andrew Quin.
"The last item on Tonight's TV And Radio has been Off The Ball With
Ger Gilroy for the last ten million Fivers. Some questions: do any
Fiver readers listen to this? Who or what is Ger Gilroy? What is Ger
short for? Does anyone care? Is there a single Fiver reader who isn't
by now fully aware of Ger's exploits and availability and do any of
us really need further reminders?" - Richard Lindley.
"Re: Shona Black's festival tale in yesterday's Fiver: 'Her parents
made me go all the way back to Tipperary to collect her from the
police station'. Am I the only one who was disappointed not to see a
gag about it being a long way to Tipperary?" - Damian, Tokyo.
"Is it me or is this the most rubbish close season for transfers in
living memory? Come on chairmen, spend our money as if it is going
out of fashion, without worrying about the catastrophic consequences"
- Dave, Pudsey.
"Is there anyone outside the Newcastle hierarchy who doesn't think
Laurent Robert is telling the truth and that the more Souness and
Shepherd react, the more they act like the children Robert accuses
them of being?" - Paul Ruffley.
"Re: Werthers Originals sponsoring Mansfield town. It would be more
financially lucrative than existing and previous sponsors. With all
due respect, Andrew Saunders Insurance Services and Gunthorpe
Textiles are hardly giants in their respective industries" - Matt
Antill.
"Re: your WWF advertisement. I'm doing the Three Peaks in 24 hours in
aid of this very charity. If anyone could sponsor me at
www.justgiving.com/jdennis I am sure the pandas and tigers
would, like me, appreciate it. Apologies for the cheek" - Jon Dennis.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. Oh, and if you need any more incentive, the
best letter of the day will win a classy T-shirt from
fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Dave Jones.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 3: Polo - England v Argentina (8pm)
"It was the Monday morning after yet another spectacularly drunken T
in the Park," begins Iain Walker, presenting today's parable of
festival doom.
ITV1: Ladette To Lady (9pm)
"Waking up from the weekend's festivities, I ventured with some
trepidation towards the urinals. On my arrival, they were, as
expected, brimming." Lovely.
BBC Two: Today at Wimbledon (9.25pm)
"As I got down to business, an incredibly wasted casualty of the
weekend fell into the fenced-off area that contained the troughs.
ITV1: Redcoats (R) (1.15am)
"What he did next, to this day, still brings bile to my throat." Go
on, Iain...
Five: US Major League Soccer (3.40am)
"A toothbrush appeared in his hand from nowhere, as did a tube of
toothpaste; by this point the horror of what was unfolding had me
frozen to the spot.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
"As you may have guessed, the fool then proceeded to dip his
toothbrush in the urinals and began to clean his teeth!
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"Possibly the worst part was that he seemed to enjoy it!" Can you
beat that? Send your sludge-covered Festival stories to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, entitled 'The Mud Doesn't Look That
Deep...Oh'.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ONE DAY SOON, IT'LL ALL CALM DOWN
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.