Post by Salem6 on Jun 29, 2005 16:41:51 GMT
The Fiver
29 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Another fine mess
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SOUNESS V ROBERT, ROUND THREE
Few people appreciate farce like the French, which is why Laurent
Robert is well qualified to comment on Newcastle's comical
disintegration under the stewardship of Graeme Souness. But having
yesterday been fined two weeks' wages for branding his notoriously
petulant manager "a stupid child", it was heartening to see him
speaking in far more measured tones in today's Sun. Providing a
considered insider's view, Robert said it would not surprise him in
the least to see Jermaine Jenas seek a move away from the club: "I
know just how badly he took to being put on the bench last season.
Now he's at a turning point in his career I think he'll leave."
And while most mature adults would consider this observation to be a
shrewd one, maturity is not a characteristic readily associated with
club chairman Freddy Shepherd, who has hammered Robert with another
GBP80,000 fine for the heinous crime of stating the bleeding obvious.
"He was warned not to do it and he must suffer the consequences,"
wahayed Shepherd, who has never been averse to providing far less
intelligent insights than his French midfielder, most memorably on
the subject of Newcastle's female supporters and the quality of its
replica kits.
And while the Fiver thinks Robert should be lauded for saying what
many Newcastle fans have long been thinking, one man who doesn't is
voracious devourer of publicity, Ken Bates. "All he does is demean
himself," snarled the Leeds chairman, neglecting to point out what
any of this had to do with him. "People will feel sympathetic to
Souness, they will feel sympathetic with Freddy Shepherd, they will
fell sympathetic to the Newcastle fans and they will think Robert is
what he is - a total prat who deserves contempt." And to think when
it comes to the opinions of ordinary football fans, the Fiver was
labouring under the delusion that the chairmen of "big" football
clubs don't have their fingers on the pulse...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I'm happy to have come to a club that was once bigger than Chelsea
and that will be bigger than them again in the future" - Good to see
Mateja Kezman doesn't bear a grudge after completing a GBP5.3m move
to Atletico Madrid, eh?
*********************
ADVERT: WWF
Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's endangered
species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Bolo Zenden is apparently in talks with Liverpool, and we're 99% sure
they're not be about the weather.
Sunderland are chasing Ricardo Fuller - but Southampton have a
300-mile head start.
Portsmouth would like to replace Fuller with Carlton Cole, for some
inexplicable reason.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Kevin Phillips is on his way to Aston Villa, with the princely sum of
GBP750,000 heading for St Mary's in return.
A High Court judge has ruled that two agents cannot claim a GBP450,000
fee for Gilberto Silva's move to Arsenal, largely because they had
nothing to do with it.
Leicester have signed Aussie keeper Paul Henderson, while Stoke have
named the suitably foreign-sounding Johan Boskamp as their new
manager.
And the brilliant Gianfranco Zola has finally decided to hang up his
tiny football boots.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Do you play for a rubbish football team? Want Sir Trevor Brooking's
advice? Well, click here:
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,1506923,00.html
Has anyone ever been sent off during their own testimonial? Find out
with the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1516657,00.html
Win a shirt and ball signed by the British and Irish Lions!
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1516519,00.html
Follow Wimbledon with our rather wonderful special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/
Play our greatest internet sports games ever and while away the next
hour at work:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Am I the only Newcastle fan who thinks that, far from being the
delusional monster he is made out to be by Mr Sourness, Laurent
Robert has actually hit the nail on the head? As long as Sourness is
allowed to continue falling out with the promising squad put together
by Sir Bobby, then the only was is down for the Toon" - Daniel
Kennedy.
"Laurent Robert doesn't get many things about football right, but he
has regarding Souness. However, I hope Freddy Shepherd continues to
remain oblivious, because as a Boro fan it's great to see" - Lee
Bright.
"Re: Alex Hearn whining about Southampton signing Dennis Wise and Dave
Bassett. Luxury! Mansfield manager Carlton Palmer, 39, has decided
he's coming out of playing retirement and is bringing Des Walker, 39,
with him. Next we'll be sponsored by Werthers Originals and our
players will wear Stanley Matthews shorts that pull up to their
chests" - Richard Whitehouse.
"Are Crystal Palace the ultimate comedy club? Not only do they boast
Jo Brand as a fan, but Eddie Izzard, Sean Hughes, Neil Morrissey,
Kevin Day and Roger De Courcey & Nookie Bear. Then there's Simon
Jordan, of course" - Richard Bennett.
"Will Eadsen from Rotherham should not forget the town's two other
famous sons - William Hague and Paul 'Ted from Hi-De-Hi' Shane. With
The Chuckle Brothers and Jive Bunny as headliners, Millmoor should be
packed for the fundraising gala with those two on guest-speaker and
compere duties respectively" - David Whitley.
"Surely the Chuckle Brothers are from Stockport? They've got Stockport
accents, and they once filmed a scene in Torkington Park, Hazel
Grove. A memorable scene, with them on a seesaw, if I remember
rightly" - Daniel Tunnard.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC Two: Today at Wimbledon (9pm)
"Some years ago I met up with a mad Irish friend to attend Feile, a
festival in the middle of Tipperary," says Shona Black, opening
another tale of festival frivolity.
Five: Live Confederations Cup Football - Argentina v Brazil (7.30pm)
"The drinking started so early that I didn't notice my friend's
increasingly erratic behaviour at first, but the next night I started
seeing signs that all may not be well: she stormed out of a
Transvision Vamp set."
Sky One: OAPs on ASBOs (11pm)
Not entirely unreasonable... "muttering something incomprehensible
about bicycles." Oh.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Football Mundial (7pm)
"I didn't bother following until I remembered she had my money and
bus ticket back to Dublin - by which point, she had vanished into the
night.
Paramount: Everybody loves Raymond (9.30pm)
"I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to make my way back to
civilisation, only to find that she had been arrested for some mad
act.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
"Her parents made me go all the way back to Tipperary to collect her
from the police station.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"I have never returned to Ireland." Has festival fever ever put you
off a perfectly tolerable tourist destination? Send your muddy
weekend-related tales to the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked It Was All
Right Until Bono Started Banging On About World Peace.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
REALLY NEED TO GET SOME ENERGY IN ME...
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
29 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Another fine mess
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SOUNESS V ROBERT, ROUND THREE
Few people appreciate farce like the French, which is why Laurent
Robert is well qualified to comment on Newcastle's comical
disintegration under the stewardship of Graeme Souness. But having
yesterday been fined two weeks' wages for branding his notoriously
petulant manager "a stupid child", it was heartening to see him
speaking in far more measured tones in today's Sun. Providing a
considered insider's view, Robert said it would not surprise him in
the least to see Jermaine Jenas seek a move away from the club: "I
know just how badly he took to being put on the bench last season.
Now he's at a turning point in his career I think he'll leave."
And while most mature adults would consider this observation to be a
shrewd one, maturity is not a characteristic readily associated with
club chairman Freddy Shepherd, who has hammered Robert with another
GBP80,000 fine for the heinous crime of stating the bleeding obvious.
"He was warned not to do it and he must suffer the consequences,"
wahayed Shepherd, who has never been averse to providing far less
intelligent insights than his French midfielder, most memorably on
the subject of Newcastle's female supporters and the quality of its
replica kits.
And while the Fiver thinks Robert should be lauded for saying what
many Newcastle fans have long been thinking, one man who doesn't is
voracious devourer of publicity, Ken Bates. "All he does is demean
himself," snarled the Leeds chairman, neglecting to point out what
any of this had to do with him. "People will feel sympathetic to
Souness, they will feel sympathetic with Freddy Shepherd, they will
fell sympathetic to the Newcastle fans and they will think Robert is
what he is - a total prat who deserves contempt." And to think when
it comes to the opinions of ordinary football fans, the Fiver was
labouring under the delusion that the chairmen of "big" football
clubs don't have their fingers on the pulse...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I'm happy to have come to a club that was once bigger than Chelsea
and that will be bigger than them again in the future" - Good to see
Mateja Kezman doesn't bear a grudge after completing a GBP5.3m move
to Atletico Madrid, eh?
*********************
ADVERT: WWF
Team player? Join those helping to protect the world's endangered
species and spaces. Become a member of WWF from GBP2 a month at:
ad.uk.tangozebra.com/s/ac/c_0/4034/5082/9002;TIMESTAMP?http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wwf.org.uk%2Fjoin-wwf
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Bolo Zenden is apparently in talks with Liverpool, and we're 99% sure
they're not be about the weather.
Sunderland are chasing Ricardo Fuller - but Southampton have a
300-mile head start.
Portsmouth would like to replace Fuller with Carlton Cole, for some
inexplicable reason.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Kevin Phillips is on his way to Aston Villa, with the princely sum of
GBP750,000 heading for St Mary's in return.
A High Court judge has ruled that two agents cannot claim a GBP450,000
fee for Gilberto Silva's move to Arsenal, largely because they had
nothing to do with it.
Leicester have signed Aussie keeper Paul Henderson, while Stoke have
named the suitably foreign-sounding Johan Boskamp as their new
manager.
And the brilliant Gianfranco Zola has finally decided to hang up his
tiny football boots.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Do you play for a rubbish football team? Want Sir Trevor Brooking's
advice? Well, click here:
football.guardian.co.uk/competition/0,13349,1506923,00.html
Has anyone ever been sent off during their own testimonial? Find out
with the Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1516657,00.html
Win a shirt and ball signed by the British and Irish Lions!
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1516519,00.html
Follow Wimbledon with our rather wonderful special report:
sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/
Play our greatest internet sports games ever and while away the next
hour at work:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Am I the only Newcastle fan who thinks that, far from being the
delusional monster he is made out to be by Mr Sourness, Laurent
Robert has actually hit the nail on the head? As long as Sourness is
allowed to continue falling out with the promising squad put together
by Sir Bobby, then the only was is down for the Toon" - Daniel
Kennedy.
"Laurent Robert doesn't get many things about football right, but he
has regarding Souness. However, I hope Freddy Shepherd continues to
remain oblivious, because as a Boro fan it's great to see" - Lee
Bright.
"Re: Alex Hearn whining about Southampton signing Dennis Wise and Dave
Bassett. Luxury! Mansfield manager Carlton Palmer, 39, has decided
he's coming out of playing retirement and is bringing Des Walker, 39,
with him. Next we'll be sponsored by Werthers Originals and our
players will wear Stanley Matthews shorts that pull up to their
chests" - Richard Whitehouse.
"Are Crystal Palace the ultimate comedy club? Not only do they boast
Jo Brand as a fan, but Eddie Izzard, Sean Hughes, Neil Morrissey,
Kevin Day and Roger De Courcey & Nookie Bear. Then there's Simon
Jordan, of course" - Richard Bennett.
"Will Eadsen from Rotherham should not forget the town's two other
famous sons - William Hague and Paul 'Ted from Hi-De-Hi' Shane. With
The Chuckle Brothers and Jive Bunny as headliners, Millmoor should be
packed for the fundraising gala with those two on guest-speaker and
compere duties respectively" - David Whitley.
"Surely the Chuckle Brothers are from Stockport? They've got Stockport
accents, and they once filmed a scene in Torkington Park, Hazel
Grove. A memorable scene, with them on a seesaw, if I remember
rightly" - Daniel Tunnard.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
BBC Two: Today at Wimbledon (9pm)
"Some years ago I met up with a mad Irish friend to attend Feile, a
festival in the middle of Tipperary," says Shona Black, opening
another tale of festival frivolity.
Five: Live Confederations Cup Football - Argentina v Brazil (7.30pm)
"The drinking started so early that I didn't notice my friend's
increasingly erratic behaviour at first, but the next night I started
seeing signs that all may not be well: she stormed out of a
Transvision Vamp set."
Sky One: OAPs on ASBOs (11pm)
Not entirely unreasonable... "muttering something incomprehensible
about bicycles." Oh.
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Football Mundial (7pm)
"I didn't bother following until I remembered she had my money and
bus ticket back to Dublin - by which point, she had vanished into the
night.
Paramount: Everybody loves Raymond (9.30pm)
"I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to make my way back to
civilisation, only to find that she had been arrested for some mad
act.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (8pm)
"Her parents made me go all the way back to Tipperary to collect her
from the police station.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"I have never returned to Ireland." Has festival fever ever put you
off a perfectly tolerable tourist destination? Send your muddy
weekend-related tales to the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked It Was All
Right Until Bono Started Banging On About World Peace.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
REALLY NEED TO GET SOME ENERGY IN ME...
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.