Post by Salem6 on Jun 24, 2005 16:09:42 GMT
The Fiver
24 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: In Toon
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CRAIG BELLAMY: AN APOLOGY
In various articles entitled 'The Fiver' we have cast erroneous
aspersions as to the good character of Newcastle United employee
Craig Bellamy. Because of a series of unfortunate production errors,
we have suggested that the Cardiff-born striker was argumentative,
reckless and rat-faced, and thoroughly deserved to be slung out of St
James's Park on his ear for calling his manager a liar in a TV
interview.
We may also have given the impression that he was an arrogant,
bouncer-baiting big-time Charlie with far more money than sense. We
would like to apologise for what we now accept was a slur on Mr
Bellamy's character and good name. We realised the injustice when we
heard that he had sent hilarious sneering texts to his colleague Alan
Shearer upon seeing Newcastle get dumped out of the FA Cup by
Manchester United.
Mr Bellamy proceeded to go up even further in our estimation by
proving a source of constant irritation to Newcastle's boorish
chairman and manager, despite having been exiled north of Hadrian's
Wall and being told as recently as last Tuesday that he would never
play for Newcastle again. However, it was upon viewing an article in
today's Evening Chronicle that we realised that Mr Bellamy is, in
fact, nothing short of a top bloke.
"I have two years left on my contract and at this moment in time I'm
not interested in moving," the player revealed from what was
described as his holiday "retreat" in Majorca. "The Newcastle
first-team squad are back a week on Monday and I will be there with
them. Whether I train with the kids is not up to me. But if that's
what I'm told to do, then that's what I'll do. All I can do is act in
a professional and respectful manner and see what happens after that.
I will be keeping my head down and just getting on with my job."
Quite what his manager and chairman will make of Bellamy's conversion
to a life of Zen-like tranquillity, tolerance and reflection is
anyone's guess. Mere days ago, Shepherd insisted the player would
never darken his doorstep again. However, with offers from other
clubs drying up and Bellamy happy to sit out the next two years of
his contract teaching "the kids" peace, love and understanding,
something is bound to give. A hefty wager on Graeme Souness to be the
first Premiership manager to get the sack next season, anyone?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Brazil are going to be so incredibly motivated against us. We are not
going to even let this 'tired Brazil' stuff near us. They are not
tired at all" - Germany boss Jurgen Klinsmann suspects Brazil are
playing possom ahead of their crunch Confederations Cup semi-final
tomorrow.
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Arsene Wenger is about to barge into the transfer market in
spectacular fashion by pinching Shaun Wright-Phillips from under the
noses of Chelsea, luring Aliaksandr Hleb from Stuttgart, and snapping
up Monaco's Emmanuel Adebayor a full year before the striker graces
the World Cup with soon-to-be shock qualifiers Togo.
Stuttgart will console themselves by beating Newcastle to the
signature of Luis Figo, while Chelsea's retail therapy will see them
stick Atletico Madrid striker Fernando Torres in their trolley.
Fresh from rehabilitating his managerial reputation, but still deaf to
Rob Earnshaw's pleas to remain at West Brom, Bryan Robson will offer
Crystal Palace GBP4m plus the acrobatic Welshman for penalty ace Andy
Johnson.
THFC and Man City want to give Dean Ashton a quick route back to the
Premiership, but the Norwich striker remains adamant he's staying at
Carrow Road.
Fulham are front of the queue outside Watford for Heidar Helguson,
while Bongo FC are edging towards a deal for Panathinaikos midfielder
Angelos Basinas.
Former Parma coach Nevio Scala may not take over at Hearts after all,
his move having hit a last-minute snag.
And 'Arry Redknapp wants to throw Stone at Championship defences next
season and hopes to sign his old mate Steve from Pompey.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Liverpool's long and winding road to a second consecutive Big Cup
title will begin against Welsh opposition, after the draw for the
first qualifying round pitted the English giant-killers against Total
Network Solutions. The first leg will take place at Anfield on July
12, with the second leg following seven days later, most likely at
Wrexham's Racecourse ground. The winners will face opposition from
Lithuania or the Faroe Islands in the second round.
The Queen's Celtic, who don't sashay into the fray until the second
round, will face either Kazakhstan's Kairat Almaty or Artmedia
Bratislava of Slovakia.
The draw also threw up an all-Irish tie as Shelbourne, from the
British-ruled south, were paired with Northern Republic outfit
Glentoran. What they save in travel costs they may lose in security
costs, since the Belfast leg is scheduled to take place on July 12,
the six millionth anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne.
Meanwhile, the Euro Vase draw threw up the following plum ties:
Longford Town v Carmarthen Town; FK Ekranas (Lithuania) v Cork City;
Linfield v FK Ventspils (Latvia); Fiver All-Stars (Fiver Towers) v
Angry Mob (Liverpool); Viking (Norway) v Portadown FC; Rhyl v FK
Atlantas (Lithuania).
Carlos Queiroz, the MU Rowdies coach who spent his gap year in charge
of Real Madrid, insists he doesn't want to be reminded of that on a
daily basis: "I admire Iker Casillas but he is not in the plans of
Manchester United. Michael Owen does not interest us either."
And finally, former Chelsea flop Juan Sebastian Veron has signed a
two-year deal with Internazionale. "We are very satisfied with how
the negotiations with Veron and Chelsea concluded," Inter technical
director Marco Branca told the club's website.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Small Talk: Lauren reveals all (OK, very little) about that scrap with
Patrick Vieira, dressing room banter and liking techno music:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1513625,00.html
Barry Glendenning on why he won't be supporting Clive Woodward's
English Lions:
sport.guardian.co.uk/lions2005/story/0,15994,1513641,00.html
And sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Leave Chris Rea alone ['bland MOR-purveyor and Man Utd fan' - The
Fiver, Thursday]. You obviously have never seen him perform, or you
would know that bland does not apply to one of the best blues
guitarists on the planet. I'm really disappointed with you. Go stand
in the corner and listen to Coldplay or Oasis until boredom sets in"
- Tony Dudley, Nottingham [Couldn't agree more, Tony, Auberge is a
classic album - Fiver Ed].
"North America wants to know, who's Chris Rea? If he hasn't slept with
Faria Alam he can't be very special" - Mike Power.
"How dare anyone from East Yorkshire lay claim to Jive Bunny for any
sort of debauched festival shenanigans. Mr Pickles (can't remember
his first name - but I went to school with his sister) of Jive Bunny
fame grew up in a small mining village in SOUTH Yorkshire called
Barnburgh. Now given that Barnburgh has a Doncaster postcode, I think
it only fair that the Rovers lay claim to the famous deck merchants"
- Chris Hall.
"Re: Liam Whelan's Ford Focus pedantry in yesterday's Fiver letters.
He asserts that the Focus replaced the Escort in October 98. While
the Focus was the eventual replacement for the Escort, Ford in fact
continued to manufacture the Escort for two more years after the
introduction of the Focus. I feel ashamed for bothering to write
this" - Tim Down.
"As official scorekeeper in the Fantasy Fiver League, I'm able to
announce that 'that bloke' is coming second, with four points.
Another bloke has amassed six points already. I'm coming last, with
no points so far. If you could print this, I could get off my 'duck'
and into the game at last" - Philly Mac.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Hong Kong Soccer Sevens (1am)
"I went to a Bryan Adams/ZZ Top double header at the Milton Keynes
Bowl back in 1991," begins Martin Allen, unpromisingly. But stick
with him readers because the latest of your festival stories really
is a corker.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Football (12.30am)
"Halfway through the Bryan Adams set, a gorgeous, scantily-clad woman
started dancing in front of me and grinding herself, quite
deliberately, into my body. I was both surprised and rather pleased,"
continues Martin, as the tale takes a distinct turn for the better.
Talksport: Evening kick-off (7pm)
"It was a hot day, I was wearing shorts and my pleasure soon became
apparent. The temptress then leant back and whispered: 'Are you
enjoying that?', to which I stammered: 'Oh yes, very much thank you.'
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"She then whipped around, pointed at my groin and shouted: 'Look
Darren, that sicko's been rubbing himself against me!'
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"To the strains of Everything I do ...", I was insulted, beaten to a
pulp and thrown out. Devil woman." Anyone else's festival experience
go horribly wrong or thrillingly right? Send your stories to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked Fest Evil.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
HOPE YOU TOOK THOSE OVERSIZED WELLINGTONS, JAMES
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
24 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: In Toon
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CRAIG BELLAMY: AN APOLOGY
In various articles entitled 'The Fiver' we have cast erroneous
aspersions as to the good character of Newcastle United employee
Craig Bellamy. Because of a series of unfortunate production errors,
we have suggested that the Cardiff-born striker was argumentative,
reckless and rat-faced, and thoroughly deserved to be slung out of St
James's Park on his ear for calling his manager a liar in a TV
interview.
We may also have given the impression that he was an arrogant,
bouncer-baiting big-time Charlie with far more money than sense. We
would like to apologise for what we now accept was a slur on Mr
Bellamy's character and good name. We realised the injustice when we
heard that he had sent hilarious sneering texts to his colleague Alan
Shearer upon seeing Newcastle get dumped out of the FA Cup by
Manchester United.
Mr Bellamy proceeded to go up even further in our estimation by
proving a source of constant irritation to Newcastle's boorish
chairman and manager, despite having been exiled north of Hadrian's
Wall and being told as recently as last Tuesday that he would never
play for Newcastle again. However, it was upon viewing an article in
today's Evening Chronicle that we realised that Mr Bellamy is, in
fact, nothing short of a top bloke.
"I have two years left on my contract and at this moment in time I'm
not interested in moving," the player revealed from what was
described as his holiday "retreat" in Majorca. "The Newcastle
first-team squad are back a week on Monday and I will be there with
them. Whether I train with the kids is not up to me. But if that's
what I'm told to do, then that's what I'll do. All I can do is act in
a professional and respectful manner and see what happens after that.
I will be keeping my head down and just getting on with my job."
Quite what his manager and chairman will make of Bellamy's conversion
to a life of Zen-like tranquillity, tolerance and reflection is
anyone's guess. Mere days ago, Shepherd insisted the player would
never darken his doorstep again. However, with offers from other
clubs drying up and Bellamy happy to sit out the next two years of
his contract teaching "the kids" peace, love and understanding,
something is bound to give. A hefty wager on Graeme Souness to be the
first Premiership manager to get the sack next season, anyone?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Brazil are going to be so incredibly motivated against us. We are not
going to even let this 'tired Brazil' stuff near us. They are not
tired at all" - Germany boss Jurgen Klinsmann suspects Brazil are
playing possom ahead of their crunch Confederations Cup semi-final
tomorrow.
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Arsene Wenger is about to barge into the transfer market in
spectacular fashion by pinching Shaun Wright-Phillips from under the
noses of Chelsea, luring Aliaksandr Hleb from Stuttgart, and snapping
up Monaco's Emmanuel Adebayor a full year before the striker graces
the World Cup with soon-to-be shock qualifiers Togo.
Stuttgart will console themselves by beating Newcastle to the
signature of Luis Figo, while Chelsea's retail therapy will see them
stick Atletico Madrid striker Fernando Torres in their trolley.
Fresh from rehabilitating his managerial reputation, but still deaf to
Rob Earnshaw's pleas to remain at West Brom, Bryan Robson will offer
Crystal Palace GBP4m plus the acrobatic Welshman for penalty ace Andy
Johnson.
THFC and Man City want to give Dean Ashton a quick route back to the
Premiership, but the Norwich striker remains adamant he's staying at
Carrow Road.
Fulham are front of the queue outside Watford for Heidar Helguson,
while Bongo FC are edging towards a deal for Panathinaikos midfielder
Angelos Basinas.
Former Parma coach Nevio Scala may not take over at Hearts after all,
his move having hit a last-minute snag.
And 'Arry Redknapp wants to throw Stone at Championship defences next
season and hopes to sign his old mate Steve from Pompey.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Liverpool's long and winding road to a second consecutive Big Cup
title will begin against Welsh opposition, after the draw for the
first qualifying round pitted the English giant-killers against Total
Network Solutions. The first leg will take place at Anfield on July
12, with the second leg following seven days later, most likely at
Wrexham's Racecourse ground. The winners will face opposition from
Lithuania or the Faroe Islands in the second round.
The Queen's Celtic, who don't sashay into the fray until the second
round, will face either Kazakhstan's Kairat Almaty or Artmedia
Bratislava of Slovakia.
The draw also threw up an all-Irish tie as Shelbourne, from the
British-ruled south, were paired with Northern Republic outfit
Glentoran. What they save in travel costs they may lose in security
costs, since the Belfast leg is scheduled to take place on July 12,
the six millionth anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne.
Meanwhile, the Euro Vase draw threw up the following plum ties:
Longford Town v Carmarthen Town; FK Ekranas (Lithuania) v Cork City;
Linfield v FK Ventspils (Latvia); Fiver All-Stars (Fiver Towers) v
Angry Mob (Liverpool); Viking (Norway) v Portadown FC; Rhyl v FK
Atlantas (Lithuania).
Carlos Queiroz, the MU Rowdies coach who spent his gap year in charge
of Real Madrid, insists he doesn't want to be reminded of that on a
daily basis: "I admire Iker Casillas but he is not in the plans of
Manchester United. Michael Owen does not interest us either."
And finally, former Chelsea flop Juan Sebastian Veron has signed a
two-year deal with Internazionale. "We are very satisfied with how
the negotiations with Veron and Chelsea concluded," Inter technical
director Marco Branca told the club's website.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Small Talk: Lauren reveals all (OK, very little) about that scrap with
Patrick Vieira, dressing room banter and liking techno music:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1513625,00.html
Barry Glendenning on why he won't be supporting Clive Woodward's
English Lions:
sport.guardian.co.uk/lions2005/story/0,15994,1513641,00.html
And sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Leave Chris Rea alone ['bland MOR-purveyor and Man Utd fan' - The
Fiver, Thursday]. You obviously have never seen him perform, or you
would know that bland does not apply to one of the best blues
guitarists on the planet. I'm really disappointed with you. Go stand
in the corner and listen to Coldplay or Oasis until boredom sets in"
- Tony Dudley, Nottingham [Couldn't agree more, Tony, Auberge is a
classic album - Fiver Ed].
"North America wants to know, who's Chris Rea? If he hasn't slept with
Faria Alam he can't be very special" - Mike Power.
"How dare anyone from East Yorkshire lay claim to Jive Bunny for any
sort of debauched festival shenanigans. Mr Pickles (can't remember
his first name - but I went to school with his sister) of Jive Bunny
fame grew up in a small mining village in SOUTH Yorkshire called
Barnburgh. Now given that Barnburgh has a Doncaster postcode, I think
it only fair that the Rovers lay claim to the famous deck merchants"
- Chris Hall.
"Re: Liam Whelan's Ford Focus pedantry in yesterday's Fiver letters.
He asserts that the Focus replaced the Escort in October 98. While
the Focus was the eventual replacement for the Escort, Ford in fact
continued to manufacture the Escort for two more years after the
introduction of the Focus. I feel ashamed for bothering to write
this" - Tim Down.
"As official scorekeeper in the Fantasy Fiver League, I'm able to
announce that 'that bloke' is coming second, with four points.
Another bloke has amassed six points already. I'm coming last, with
no points so far. If you could print this, I could get off my 'duck'
and into the game at last" - Philly Mac.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Hong Kong Soccer Sevens (1am)
"I went to a Bryan Adams/ZZ Top double header at the Milton Keynes
Bowl back in 1991," begins Martin Allen, unpromisingly. But stick
with him readers because the latest of your festival stories really
is a corker.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Football (12.30am)
"Halfway through the Bryan Adams set, a gorgeous, scantily-clad woman
started dancing in front of me and grinding herself, quite
deliberately, into my body. I was both surprised and rather pleased,"
continues Martin, as the tale takes a distinct turn for the better.
Talksport: Evening kick-off (7pm)
"It was a hot day, I was wearing shorts and my pleasure soon became
apparent. The temptress then leant back and whispered: 'Are you
enjoying that?', to which I stammered: 'Oh yes, very much thank you.'
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"She then whipped around, pointed at my groin and shouted: 'Look
Darren, that sicko's been rubbing himself against me!'
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"To the strains of Everything I do ...", I was insulted, beaten to a
pulp and thrown out. Devil woman." Anyone else's festival experience
go horribly wrong or thrillingly right? Send your stories to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked Fest Evil.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
HOPE YOU TOOK THOSE OVERSIZED WELLINGTONS, JAMES
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.