Post by Salem6 on Jun 22, 2005 16:45:30 GMT
The Fiver
22 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Park Life
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BUSINESS PARK
With his granite Govan accent, purple cheeks and fiery temper, Sir
Alex Ferguson is an obvious dead ringer for Taggart - except, of
course, when it comes to fiendishly difficult mysteries. The Case of
How to Replace Peter Schmeichel is still no nearer to being solved,
even though Massimo Taibi, Fabien Barthez, Ricardo, Roy Carroll and
Tim Howard have all been hauled in for, ahem, questioning. And as for
trying to find the New Roy Keane, Eric Djemba-Djemba was not so much
a quality midfielder as a brilliant red herring.
Today, however, the Manchester Soccerballs coach actually got a sniff
of a good thing - PSV's Park Ji-sung, who certainly has the skill,
vision and tenacity to justify his claims that: "I'm confident I can
prove myself at one of the world's top clubs." Struggling to be heard
above the din of replica jersey-making machines whirring into
overdrive, the South Korean added: "I want to show my value to United
in terms of my ability, not for some marketing strategy for Asia."
Still, don't be surprised if United make more from Park than the
GBP4m they paid for him.
So, a force on the field and in the market place. Like, you could say,
David Beckham at Real Madrid. Come to think of it, given that the
24-year-old's a superb crosser and a wizard at set-pieces, Park could
well be a long-overdue replacement for Beckham. A Keane replacement
may be more pressing on the pitch, but GBP790m says the Glazer clan
(who today delisted United from the Stock Exchange) are hoping for
another Beckham. What's the Korean for "It's like good, y'know,
innit?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I have come to Valencia to score goals and not to go to parties" -
Nightclub Patrick reacts to news that his new club has inserted a
clause in his contract to curb his nocturnal activities.
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Having lost one overweight, lazy and uncommitted striker, Newcastle
want to replace the Valencia-bound ex-disco seeker with Mark Viduka.
Dvd O Lry to Craig Bellamy: "Cm 2 Vla."
Unusually, Blackeye Rovers are set to lose a fight; this one being the
Battle of Benni McCarthy. His club Porto's valuation of the striker
will force Mark Hughes to look to Shefki Kuqi instead.
Fellow Lancastrians Wigan are also involved in a messy scuffle, as
Fulham try to elbow in on their deal for Heidar Helguson. If Paul
Jewell loses out, he may have to make do with Szilard Nemeth.
Bastia midfielder Pascal Chimbonda is stalling like a 1998 Ford Focus
Saloon over a move to Nancy after hearing of West Ham's interest.
Atletico Madrid want to do Chelsea an inexplicably big favour by
taking Mateja Kezman off their hands.
The Trap door [honk!] has opened for Alexander Hleb after new VfB
Stuttgart boss Giovanni Trapattoni insisted he wouldn't stand in the
way of a move to Arsenal for the Belarus star.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Portsmouth have completed the GBP1.6m capture - subject to a work
permit - of Once Caldas midfielder John Viafara, dubbed the new
Patrick Vieira.
Faria Alam's employment tribunal was today told that the former
secretary allegedly sent emails bragging of her affairs with FA
staff, along with her pet names for Sven-Goran Eriksson [Sugar] and
Mark Palios [Pretty Polly].
Finland coach Antti Muurinen has been sacked...
...while Rowdies spin-off comedy series FC United have appointed Karl
Marginson as their manager.
Plymouth have signed Rufus Brevett following his release from West
Ham.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Could Harry Kewell have played for England [if fit]? Find out in the
Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1511420,00.html
With less than a year until the World Cup finals, find out why the
Germans are glowing with pride:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1510008,00.html
See what we spend the rest of our time doing in our shiny Wimbledon
2005 section: sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/
We've gone competition crazy. To start with, win a brand new VW Golf
Sport:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
Follow it up with a day's expert tennis coaching at Queen's:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1503725,00.html
And then get your hands on some Twenty20 hospitality packages too:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/competitions/0,16087,1507151,00.html
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: me not getting the 'English Lions' joke (Fiver letters passim). I
feel like a terrible eejit. I've been reading the Fiver for months
and can't believe I missed the wry irony" - Jimmy Poland.
"Whilst planning the Chuckle Brothers-headline Millmoor Rock For
Rotherham extravaganza (yesterday's Fiver letters), do you think the
organisers could call Rotherham's other favourite sons, Jive Bunny?
That would be a line-up to put Live8 in the shade" - David Whitley.
"Who cares about the Chuckle Brothers when you can boast Richard
Whiteley as a celebrity fan? Surely half-time games of Countdown
would get the crowds flooding back and introduce a bit of excitement
into an otherwise tedious Elland Road afternoon?" - Daniel Kennedy.
"Re: the mails about Chris Rea not being a proper Middlesbrough fan.
He was also involved in the club's FA Cup final song in 1997. It was
a cleverly re-jigged version of the old dancefloor-filler Let's Dance
and also featured Bob Mortimer and the Boro squad. The only thing
more embarrassing than the actual record was the team's performance
in the final" - Andrew Haslam.
"Chris Rea definitely said in the 80s he supported Man United, because
I remember how gutted I was when he didn't mention Boro. Perhaps he
suffers from Blair's Disease, which causes the sufferer to come out
with whatever answer seems most expedient at the time, without regard
to its compatibility with previous answers?" - Paul Bowen.
"Why are nearly all letters (Fiver letters passim) in reference to one
from the previous days? Are there no new subjects out there? What
about the latest come-and-get-me plea or play-me-or-sell-me demand?"
- Raymond Herlihy.
"I assume that whoever beats Liverpool in Big Cup first qualifying
round will also be seeded, otherwise I don't see how Uefa can stage
the draw for the second qualifying round before these games have been
played" - Sam Whitnell.
"I understand Spanish players are now in vogue, but can someone give
Rafa Benitez a map of Europe drafted post-Inquisition please?" - Dave
Noonan.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Confederations Cup Highlights (3.05am)
"Four years ago I went to Crete with my ex," says Alex Lynch, giving
an innocuous-enough introduction to the last of your holiday
nightmares.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Highlights - Brazil v Japan &
Greece v Mexico (10pm)
"After three days of beers, sun and late nights, my jaw locked. It
was so bad that, when I tried to drink a glass of water, the water
just drained straight out onto my chest.
Sky Sports 1; Fifa Futbol Mundial (9pm)
"I was rushed to hospital and kept overnight as they ran some tests.
The doctor feared the worst: it could be appendicitis, he said. I
spent a sleepless night in a confused state.
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"Next day, however, they told me I had sunstroke and sent me back to
the hostel with simple instruction to stay out of the sun for the
remainder of my holiday. Pretty tricky in Crete in the middle of
August.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"My jaw did eventually loosen up, but only after we'd got home from
our nookie-free vacation - and split up." From tomorrow, and with
Glastonbury nearly upon us, we want to hear your weirdest and
muddiest festival tales. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marking them
I Should Have Packed a Teleport System.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FEELINGS, NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
22 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Park Life
* * * * * * * * * * * *
BUSINESS PARK
With his granite Govan accent, purple cheeks and fiery temper, Sir
Alex Ferguson is an obvious dead ringer for Taggart - except, of
course, when it comes to fiendishly difficult mysteries. The Case of
How to Replace Peter Schmeichel is still no nearer to being solved,
even though Massimo Taibi, Fabien Barthez, Ricardo, Roy Carroll and
Tim Howard have all been hauled in for, ahem, questioning. And as for
trying to find the New Roy Keane, Eric Djemba-Djemba was not so much
a quality midfielder as a brilliant red herring.
Today, however, the Manchester Soccerballs coach actually got a sniff
of a good thing - PSV's Park Ji-sung, who certainly has the skill,
vision and tenacity to justify his claims that: "I'm confident I can
prove myself at one of the world's top clubs." Struggling to be heard
above the din of replica jersey-making machines whirring into
overdrive, the South Korean added: "I want to show my value to United
in terms of my ability, not for some marketing strategy for Asia."
Still, don't be surprised if United make more from Park than the
GBP4m they paid for him.
So, a force on the field and in the market place. Like, you could say,
David Beckham at Real Madrid. Come to think of it, given that the
24-year-old's a superb crosser and a wizard at set-pieces, Park could
well be a long-overdue replacement for Beckham. A Keane replacement
may be more pressing on the pitch, but GBP790m says the Glazer clan
(who today delisted United from the Stock Exchange) are hoping for
another Beckham. What's the Korean for "It's like good, y'know,
innit?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I have come to Valencia to score goals and not to go to parties" -
Nightclub Patrick reacts to news that his new club has inserted a
clause in his contract to curb his nocturnal activities.
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Having lost one overweight, lazy and uncommitted striker, Newcastle
want to replace the Valencia-bound ex-disco seeker with Mark Viduka.
Dvd O Lry to Craig Bellamy: "Cm 2 Vla."
Unusually, Blackeye Rovers are set to lose a fight; this one being the
Battle of Benni McCarthy. His club Porto's valuation of the striker
will force Mark Hughes to look to Shefki Kuqi instead.
Fellow Lancastrians Wigan are also involved in a messy scuffle, as
Fulham try to elbow in on their deal for Heidar Helguson. If Paul
Jewell loses out, he may have to make do with Szilard Nemeth.
Bastia midfielder Pascal Chimbonda is stalling like a 1998 Ford Focus
Saloon over a move to Nancy after hearing of West Ham's interest.
Atletico Madrid want to do Chelsea an inexplicably big favour by
taking Mateja Kezman off their hands.
The Trap door [honk!] has opened for Alexander Hleb after new VfB
Stuttgart boss Giovanni Trapattoni insisted he wouldn't stand in the
way of a move to Arsenal for the Belarus star.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Portsmouth have completed the GBP1.6m capture - subject to a work
permit - of Once Caldas midfielder John Viafara, dubbed the new
Patrick Vieira.
Faria Alam's employment tribunal was today told that the former
secretary allegedly sent emails bragging of her affairs with FA
staff, along with her pet names for Sven-Goran Eriksson [Sugar] and
Mark Palios [Pretty Polly].
Finland coach Antti Muurinen has been sacked...
...while Rowdies spin-off comedy series FC United have appointed Karl
Marginson as their manager.
Plymouth have signed Rufus Brevett following his release from West
Ham.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Could Harry Kewell have played for England [if fit]? Find out in the
Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1511420,00.html
With less than a year until the World Cup finals, find out why the
Germans are glowing with pride:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1510008,00.html
See what we spend the rest of our time doing in our shiny Wimbledon
2005 section: sport.guardian.co.uk/wimbledon2005/
We've gone competition crazy. To start with, win a brand new VW Golf
Sport:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
Follow it up with a day's expert tennis coaching at Queen's:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1503725,00.html
And then get your hands on some Twenty20 hospitality packages too:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/competitions/0,16087,1507151,00.html
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: me not getting the 'English Lions' joke (Fiver letters passim). I
feel like a terrible eejit. I've been reading the Fiver for months
and can't believe I missed the wry irony" - Jimmy Poland.
"Whilst planning the Chuckle Brothers-headline Millmoor Rock For
Rotherham extravaganza (yesterday's Fiver letters), do you think the
organisers could call Rotherham's other favourite sons, Jive Bunny?
That would be a line-up to put Live8 in the shade" - David Whitley.
"Who cares about the Chuckle Brothers when you can boast Richard
Whiteley as a celebrity fan? Surely half-time games of Countdown
would get the crowds flooding back and introduce a bit of excitement
into an otherwise tedious Elland Road afternoon?" - Daniel Kennedy.
"Re: the mails about Chris Rea not being a proper Middlesbrough fan.
He was also involved in the club's FA Cup final song in 1997. It was
a cleverly re-jigged version of the old dancefloor-filler Let's Dance
and also featured Bob Mortimer and the Boro squad. The only thing
more embarrassing than the actual record was the team's performance
in the final" - Andrew Haslam.
"Chris Rea definitely said in the 80s he supported Man United, because
I remember how gutted I was when he didn't mention Boro. Perhaps he
suffers from Blair's Disease, which causes the sufferer to come out
with whatever answer seems most expedient at the time, without regard
to its compatibility with previous answers?" - Paul Bowen.
"Why are nearly all letters (Fiver letters passim) in reference to one
from the previous days? Are there no new subjects out there? What
about the latest come-and-get-me plea or play-me-or-sell-me demand?"
- Raymond Herlihy.
"I assume that whoever beats Liverpool in Big Cup first qualifying
round will also be seeded, otherwise I don't see how Uefa can stage
the draw for the second qualifying round before these games have been
played" - Sam Whitnell.
"I understand Spanish players are now in vogue, but can someone give
Rafa Benitez a map of Europe drafted post-Inquisition please?" - Dave
Noonan.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Confederations Cup Highlights (3.05am)
"Four years ago I went to Crete with my ex," says Alex Lynch, giving
an innocuous-enough introduction to the last of your holiday
nightmares.
British Eurosport: Confederations Cup Highlights - Brazil v Japan &
Greece v Mexico (10pm)
"After three days of beers, sun and late nights, my jaw locked. It
was so bad that, when I tried to drink a glass of water, the water
just drained straight out onto my chest.
Sky Sports 1; Fifa Futbol Mundial (9pm)
"I was rushed to hospital and kept overnight as they ran some tests.
The doctor feared the worst: it could be appendicitis, he said. I
spent a sleepless night in a confused state.
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"Next day, however, they told me I had sunstroke and sent me back to
the hostel with simple instruction to stay out of the sun for the
remainder of my holiday. Pretty tricky in Crete in the middle of
August.
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off The Ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"My jaw did eventually loosen up, but only after we'd got home from
our nookie-free vacation - and split up." From tomorrow, and with
Glastonbury nearly upon us, we want to hear your weirdest and
muddiest festival tales. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marking them
I Should Have Packed a Teleport System.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FEELINGS, NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.