Post by Salem6 on Jun 16, 2005 16:50:52 GMT
The Fiver
16 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: A Thunderous Kick In The Rear
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STAND OFF
If you want blood, you've got it. No, the Fiver isn't about to grab
its air guitar and perform an unforgivable AC/DC tribute in its old
school uniform, instead it brings news of events in Argentina, where
football violence is more widespread than Diego Maradona's pre-op
stomach.
With battles between gangs such as Boca Juniors' 'La 12' and River
Plate's 'Los Borrachos del Tablon' (The Drunks at the Bar) as common
as Sunday-morning vomit on the streets of Britain, players and
officials are expected (OK, asked) to behave in exemplary fashion.
But in Tuesday's Libertadores Cup quarter-final between Boca Juniors
and Guadalajara, they didn't. Not by a long shot. Which is why Boca
boss Jorge Benitez, who spat on an opposition player as the match
degenerated into a mass brawl, has been forced to resign.
Trailing 4-0 from the away leg, Boca were eager to score fast but
didn't. By the 79th goalless minute, they were in no mood to see
Guadalajara forward Adolfo Bautista remind the home fans of the score
by waving four fingers at them. So several players jumped him. That
sparked (isn't it great the way some stories just tell themselves?)
an almighty hoopla during which Boca's Martin Palermo - who famously
missed three penalties in a single game for Argentina a few years
back - head-butted an opponent in the neck. Of all places.
Fans obligingly joined in, heartily lashing all manner of missiles at
the Mexicans. One enraged clown even scaled the five-metre fence to
run onto the pitch, punch Bautista and then flee with the help of
as-yet unidentified club officials. As police escorted Bautista away,
a helpful ballboy rushed up to offer him yet another memento of his
trip to Buenos Aires - a thunderous kick in the rear.
Somewhat inevitably, the ref abandoned the match. "The board of
directors have decided to accept the resignation offered by Jorge
Benitez," Boca president Mauricio Macri stammered today. "The game
did not finish in the way we wanted and we apologise ... we may
suffer footballing defeats, but it should never be in doubt that we
are sportsmen, gentlemen and good hosts." Why, who could ever doubt
it?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"To be honest, I don't know enough about the Malcolm Glazer situation
to form too many judgements on it. He is not going to put GBP800m of
his money into United just to blow it, so I hope success is important
to him as much as it is to us fans. Let's see what he does before we
start to panic" - Perhaps the Eavis family could get Lions captain
Brian O'Driscoll to DJ at Glastonbury instead of Mani?
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
BUMPER SUMMER RUMOUR MILL
Sir Alex Ferguson is prepared to use long-faced Dutch thoroughbred
Ruud van Nistelrooy and a big bag of oats as a bargaining tool in a
bid to lure Michael Owen from Real Madrid.
Robbie Keane is looking increasingly likely to be doing lame tumbles
at Goodison Park next season, as David Moyes is having trouble
getting anyone else to sign for Everton.
Flhm's Std Mlbrnque 2 Villa 4 GBP3m.
Lyon and Valencia are circling like vultures over Arsene Wenger's
office, waiting to pick over the bones of Robert Pires's broken-down
contract talks.
Having seen off Chelsea, Juventus and AC Milan in last year's Big Cup,
Liverpool aren't afraid of taking on Juve and Inter in the scrap to
sign Benfica full-back Miguel.
If Stuart Pearce doesn't get Everton's Marcus Bent, he'll gesticulate
furiously in his technical area until he gets Marseille's Peguy
Luyindula instead.
Like Charlie Sheen being torn between Willem Defoe and Tom Berenger in
Platoon, Paul Konchesky is being used as a pawn in a power struggle
between West Ham and Celtic. (And Fulham, but that ruins an already
ropey analogy.)
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE BBC WANTS YOUR HELP
Do you know when players first got nutmegged? Were you a Mackem before
1991? And does the phrase 'back to square one' really come from radio
football commentary in the 1920s? The BBC is making a major new
series on where words come from. If you'd like to help, click here:
www.oed.com/bbcwordhunt
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
You have to expectorate to accumulate: El Hadji Diouf has earned
himself a four-year deal at Bolton, ending his days with Liverpool...
...who, meanwhile, have cancelled their fund-rais ... sorry,
pre-season tour of Japan, owing to Big Cup first qualifying round
commitments.
Robin van Persie will spend another fortnight behind bars after a
judge granted prosecutors extra time to hold him following a rape
allegation.
A replay could be on the cards after the jury in Harry Kewell's high
court libel action against Gary Lineker was discharged after failing
to reach a verdict.
After splashing out GBP6.5m on Chelsea reserve Scott Parker yesterday,
Newcastle boss Graeme Souness is now GBP20,000 lighter in his own
pocket after the FA fined him for a verbal assault on referee Barry
Knight.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
You didn't think we'd spare the ladies the Gallery treatment, did you?
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1507166,00.html
Georgina Turner's still blogging herself senseless at Euro 2005:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Let the Knowledge guide you through cases of the seriously injured
being sent off:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1506325,00.html
Drive off, legally, with a shiny new car in our great competition:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
* * * * * * * * * *
DON'T MISS THE WIMBLEDON SPECIAL IN MONDAY'S GUARDIAN, CONTAINING:
- Martina Navratilova giving her picks for the titles.
- Boris Becker looking back 20 years to his first Wimbledon win.
- And Tiger Tim Henman on coping with the pressures of Henmania.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: El Hadji Diouf's new contract. Surely all he has to do is spit on
the deal? Big Sam does likewise and they shake hands. Easy!" - Mark
Judd.
"Re: Daniel Kennedy's dismissal of lazy journalists (yesterday's Fiver
letters). As one, I would gladly pass off press releases as my own
work if any PR numpties like Daniel Kennedy knew how to string a
sentence together, or even spell" - Dean Best.
"Ah yes, those hard working PR types who dutifully sit in meetings,
copy down what the marketing people say and then achieve the
seemingly impossible by dumbing it down even more for press releases
and 'creative' photoshoots" - Howard Buckley.
"Re: all those letters correcting Mr Lewis (Monday's Fiver letters).
What the sea does is change temperature more slowly than the land. So
it tends to be warmer in the autumn and early winter, when the land
is cooling quickly, and cooler in the spring and early summer, when
the land is warming faster. So Mr Lewis was quite right whether or
not there was any wind chill" - D Pricecoal (and others).
"With respect to the various meteorologists reading the Fiver, the
important part of the phrase 'wet January night in Wigan' is 'in
Wigan', not 'wet January night'" - Joel Benford.
"I was impressed to read in yesterday's Fiver that the chairman of
Rangers persuaded Brahim Hemandi to meet Sean Connery at Cannes
airport to work his magic on the poor unsuspecting soul, not least
because Cannes doesn't have an airport" - Neil Reeve.
"Any chance that, say, Liam Gallagher will be called in to promote
Manchester for potential City signings? 'The place is fookin'
brilliant ... mad fer it!'. And is there any celebrity who can tout
for Leeds?" - Mike Wilner, Los Angeles.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Eurosport: Live Women's Football (6pm)
"In the summer of 1988 at the tender age of 16 years, I embarked upon
my first ever foreign holiday without my folks. Me and my mates were
off to Italy for a fortnight," writes likely lad Roy Ward, setting
the scene for today's nightmare holiday tale.
Five: Live Confederations Cup Football - Brazil v Greece (7.30pm)
"The fact that we would be staying with my mate Laurence's elderly
grandmother didn't worry us a bit," he continues, setting it a bit
more. And telling a big fat lie.
Confederations Cup Football - Japan v Mexico (1.40am)
"On the first day I got sunburnt. On the second day, we found a moped
in the barn and spent an afternoon racing it up and down a vineyard,
until I flew over the handlebars, scuffing up my (already sunburnt)
shoulder quite badly on landing and smashing my sunglasses into my
face where I have a scar to this day.
BBC 2: Match Of The Day Women's Euro 2005 (11.20pm)
"On the third day we went to the beach, and having learned my lesson,
I took sun lotion. We treated ourselves to a few underage beers (us,
not the beers) and fell asleep, forgetting to reapply the lotion.
This time I got incinerated and ended up with minor sunstroke.
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"On the fourth day [Have we another nine days of this to go? - Fiver
Ed] we went to a go-kart track where for just a few lira more you
could upgrade from the 50cc pop-pop girls' go-karts to proper racing
ones.
Talksport: Evening Kick Off (7pm)
"One rash decision and a gruesome compound fracture of the tibia and
fibula later, my holiday was pretty much over [Thank God for that -
Fiver Ed], although I did get to stay in a foreign hospital for
another fortnight
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball (7pm)
"And English hospitals for another seven-and-a-half weeks after
that."
Sky Sports 2: Fifa Futbol Mundial (1.30am)
Do third degree burns and broken limbs sound like an idyllic
alternative to your worst holiday? We may not be as smug and pompous
as Watchdog's Nicky Campbell, but we still want to hear about your
paid-for-leisure-time hell. Send the best of your worst to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marking your messages We Had Joy We Had Fun.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER TUB OF VEGAN MIXED BERRY RICE PROTEIN
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester
16 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: A Thunderous Kick In The Rear
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STAND OFF
If you want blood, you've got it. No, the Fiver isn't about to grab
its air guitar and perform an unforgivable AC/DC tribute in its old
school uniform, instead it brings news of events in Argentina, where
football violence is more widespread than Diego Maradona's pre-op
stomach.
With battles between gangs such as Boca Juniors' 'La 12' and River
Plate's 'Los Borrachos del Tablon' (The Drunks at the Bar) as common
as Sunday-morning vomit on the streets of Britain, players and
officials are expected (OK, asked) to behave in exemplary fashion.
But in Tuesday's Libertadores Cup quarter-final between Boca Juniors
and Guadalajara, they didn't. Not by a long shot. Which is why Boca
boss Jorge Benitez, who spat on an opposition player as the match
degenerated into a mass brawl, has been forced to resign.
Trailing 4-0 from the away leg, Boca were eager to score fast but
didn't. By the 79th goalless minute, they were in no mood to see
Guadalajara forward Adolfo Bautista remind the home fans of the score
by waving four fingers at them. So several players jumped him. That
sparked (isn't it great the way some stories just tell themselves?)
an almighty hoopla during which Boca's Martin Palermo - who famously
missed three penalties in a single game for Argentina a few years
back - head-butted an opponent in the neck. Of all places.
Fans obligingly joined in, heartily lashing all manner of missiles at
the Mexicans. One enraged clown even scaled the five-metre fence to
run onto the pitch, punch Bautista and then flee with the help of
as-yet unidentified club officials. As police escorted Bautista away,
a helpful ballboy rushed up to offer him yet another memento of his
trip to Buenos Aires - a thunderous kick in the rear.
Somewhat inevitably, the ref abandoned the match. "The board of
directors have decided to accept the resignation offered by Jorge
Benitez," Boca president Mauricio Macri stammered today. "The game
did not finish in the way we wanted and we apologise ... we may
suffer footballing defeats, but it should never be in doubt that we
are sportsmen, gentlemen and good hosts." Why, who could ever doubt
it?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"To be honest, I don't know enough about the Malcolm Glazer situation
to form too many judgements on it. He is not going to put GBP800m of
his money into United just to blow it, so I hope success is important
to him as much as it is to us fans. Let's see what he does before we
start to panic" - Perhaps the Eavis family could get Lions captain
Brian O'Driscoll to DJ at Glastonbury instead of Mani?
*********************
ADVERT: ORANGE
Keep up to date on the transfers, tempers and the tantrums. Click here
to get email on your phone:
ad.uk.doubleclick.net/clk;16132284;11305059;u?http://www.orange.co.uk/emailonyourphone/
*********************
BUMPER SUMMER RUMOUR MILL
Sir Alex Ferguson is prepared to use long-faced Dutch thoroughbred
Ruud van Nistelrooy and a big bag of oats as a bargaining tool in a
bid to lure Michael Owen from Real Madrid.
Robbie Keane is looking increasingly likely to be doing lame tumbles
at Goodison Park next season, as David Moyes is having trouble
getting anyone else to sign for Everton.
Flhm's Std Mlbrnque 2 Villa 4 GBP3m.
Lyon and Valencia are circling like vultures over Arsene Wenger's
office, waiting to pick over the bones of Robert Pires's broken-down
contract talks.
Having seen off Chelsea, Juventus and AC Milan in last year's Big Cup,
Liverpool aren't afraid of taking on Juve and Inter in the scrap to
sign Benfica full-back Miguel.
If Stuart Pearce doesn't get Everton's Marcus Bent, he'll gesticulate
furiously in his technical area until he gets Marseille's Peguy
Luyindula instead.
Like Charlie Sheen being torn between Willem Defoe and Tom Berenger in
Platoon, Paul Konchesky is being used as a pawn in a power struggle
between West Ham and Celtic. (And Fulham, but that ruins an already
ropey analogy.)
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE BBC WANTS YOUR HELP
Do you know when players first got nutmegged? Were you a Mackem before
1991? And does the phrase 'back to square one' really come from radio
football commentary in the 1920s? The BBC is making a major new
series on where words come from. If you'd like to help, click here:
www.oed.com/bbcwordhunt
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
You have to expectorate to accumulate: El Hadji Diouf has earned
himself a four-year deal at Bolton, ending his days with Liverpool...
...who, meanwhile, have cancelled their fund-rais ... sorry,
pre-season tour of Japan, owing to Big Cup first qualifying round
commitments.
Robin van Persie will spend another fortnight behind bars after a
judge granted prosecutors extra time to hold him following a rape
allegation.
A replay could be on the cards after the jury in Harry Kewell's high
court libel action against Gary Lineker was discharged after failing
to reach a verdict.
After splashing out GBP6.5m on Chelsea reserve Scott Parker yesterday,
Newcastle boss Graeme Souness is now GBP20,000 lighter in his own
pocket after the FA fined him for a verbal assault on referee Barry
Knight.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
You didn't think we'd spare the ladies the Gallery treatment, did you?
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1507166,00.html
Georgina Turner's still blogging herself senseless at Euro 2005:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
Sign up now for FREE news alerts, sent FREE to your desktop - for
FREE: www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Let the Knowledge guide you through cases of the seriously injured
being sent off:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1506325,00.html
Drive off, legally, with a shiny new car in our great competition:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
* * * * * * * * * *
DON'T MISS THE WIMBLEDON SPECIAL IN MONDAY'S GUARDIAN, CONTAINING:
- Martina Navratilova giving her picks for the titles.
- Boris Becker looking back 20 years to his first Wimbledon win.
- And Tiger Tim Henman on coping with the pressures of Henmania.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: El Hadji Diouf's new contract. Surely all he has to do is spit on
the deal? Big Sam does likewise and they shake hands. Easy!" - Mark
Judd.
"Re: Daniel Kennedy's dismissal of lazy journalists (yesterday's Fiver
letters). As one, I would gladly pass off press releases as my own
work if any PR numpties like Daniel Kennedy knew how to string a
sentence together, or even spell" - Dean Best.
"Ah yes, those hard working PR types who dutifully sit in meetings,
copy down what the marketing people say and then achieve the
seemingly impossible by dumbing it down even more for press releases
and 'creative' photoshoots" - Howard Buckley.
"Re: all those letters correcting Mr Lewis (Monday's Fiver letters).
What the sea does is change temperature more slowly than the land. So
it tends to be warmer in the autumn and early winter, when the land
is cooling quickly, and cooler in the spring and early summer, when
the land is warming faster. So Mr Lewis was quite right whether or
not there was any wind chill" - D Pricecoal (and others).
"With respect to the various meteorologists reading the Fiver, the
important part of the phrase 'wet January night in Wigan' is 'in
Wigan', not 'wet January night'" - Joel Benford.
"I was impressed to read in yesterday's Fiver that the chairman of
Rangers persuaded Brahim Hemandi to meet Sean Connery at Cannes
airport to work his magic on the poor unsuspecting soul, not least
because Cannes doesn't have an airport" - Neil Reeve.
"Any chance that, say, Liam Gallagher will be called in to promote
Manchester for potential City signings? 'The place is fookin'
brilliant ... mad fer it!'. And is there any celebrity who can tout
for Leeds?" - Mike Wilner, Los Angeles.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Eurosport: Live Women's Football (6pm)
"In the summer of 1988 at the tender age of 16 years, I embarked upon
my first ever foreign holiday without my folks. Me and my mates were
off to Italy for a fortnight," writes likely lad Roy Ward, setting
the scene for today's nightmare holiday tale.
Five: Live Confederations Cup Football - Brazil v Greece (7.30pm)
"The fact that we would be staying with my mate Laurence's elderly
grandmother didn't worry us a bit," he continues, setting it a bit
more. And telling a big fat lie.
Confederations Cup Football - Japan v Mexico (1.40am)
"On the first day I got sunburnt. On the second day, we found a moped
in the barn and spent an afternoon racing it up and down a vineyard,
until I flew over the handlebars, scuffing up my (already sunburnt)
shoulder quite badly on landing and smashing my sunglasses into my
face where I have a scar to this day.
BBC 2: Match Of The Day Women's Euro 2005 (11.20pm)
"On the third day we went to the beach, and having learned my lesson,
I took sun lotion. We treated ourselves to a few underage beers (us,
not the beers) and fell asleep, forgetting to reapply the lotion.
This time I got incinerated and ended up with minor sunstroke.
BBC Radio Five: Sport On Five (7pm)
"On the fourth day [Have we another nine days of this to go? - Fiver
Ed] we went to a go-kart track where for just a few lira more you
could upgrade from the 50cc pop-pop girls' go-karts to proper racing
ones.
Talksport: Evening Kick Off (7pm)
"One rash decision and a gruesome compound fracture of the tibia and
fibula later, my holiday was pretty much over [Thank God for that -
Fiver Ed], although I did get to stay in a foreign hospital for
another fortnight
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball (7pm)
"And English hospitals for another seven-and-a-half weeks after
that."
Sky Sports 2: Fifa Futbol Mundial (1.30am)
Do third degree burns and broken limbs sound like an idyllic
alternative to your worst holiday? We may not be as smug and pompous
as Watchdog's Nicky Campbell, but we still want to hear about your
paid-for-leisure-time hell. Send the best of your worst to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marking your messages We Had Joy We Had Fun.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER TUB OF VEGAN MIXED BERRY RICE PROTEIN
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester