Post by Salem6 on Jun 8, 2005 21:31:15 GMT
The Fiver
08 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Night of the Living Dead?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SCOTLAND THE BRAVE
Even at the best of times, Scotland's squad looks about as solid as
Mel Gibson's grasp of 14th century British history. So spare a
thought for Walter Smith, who this weekend saw his players suffer
more injuries than a streaker in a threshing machine. The result
isn't pretty: against Belarus tonight, the Tartan Army will
definitely be without (sharp intake of breath) Nigel Quashie, Stevie
Crawford, Garry O'Connor, Rab Douglas, Jackie McNamara and Neil
McCann, while Barry Ferguson, Steven Pressley, Kenny Miller and
Graham Alexander will be hobbling around like extras from the Night
of the Living Dead.
The latter three will at least start in Smith's dour 4-1-4-1 formation
- but the same, amazingly, cannot be said of enigmatic Everton
reserve James McFadden, scorer of seven goals in 20 internationals.
"He's one of those players who can be difficult to fit into a team,"
blahed Smith. "Even Davie Moyes seems to have that same dilemma at
Everton. But he's a player who can turn a game ... so he could
figure." Smith is equally confident his side can defy odds of 3-1 and
get a result. "Players take knocks and become doubts before matches,
it's what happens in football," he insisted. "But, come the hour,
they get on with it."
Meanwhile, Belarus, Group 5's top scorers, boast a bevy of players who
can turn a game, most notably Sampdoria's Vitaly Kutuzov and
Stuttgart's Aliaksandr Hleb. The latter, an artful playmaker, will
certainly be out to impress - not just to nudge his country closer to
their first ever World Cup finals, nor simply to tease Celtic, whose
advances he has emphatically rejected, but also to convince Chelsea
and Arsenal to stop beating about the bush and make an GBP8m offer
for his services. Minsk meat, anyone?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Come on and do the Dudek
Do the Jerzy Dudek
Shake it, shake it, move it
Jump up and wave your gloves
We're the one and only
Euro Campione
Who get to keep the trophy
The rest ain't good enough"
- the chorus to 'Du The Dudek', by the Trophy Boyz. And you thought
Crazy Frog was annoying.
*********************
STILL WANT MORE
Find out who succeeded Angola as unofficial world champions in the
Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1500410,00.html
Richard Williams - why Ashley Cole and David Dein need some
counselling:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1501442,00.html
Drive off in a shiny new VW Golf Sport courtesy of our top
competition:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Newcastle whinger Laurent Robert is wanted by Portsmouth to replace
Patrick Berger.
THFC could soon make Messina midfielder Carmine Coppola an offer he
can't refuse.
Peter Crouch, everyone's favourite big man with a good touch, has seen
Liverpool's GBP5m bid to sign him come up short, honk, by GBP2m.
The Big Cup holders could still be in Luque, double honk, with another
GBP10m bid for Deportivo namesake Albert, though sources close to the
Fiver tell us that Barca are also on the Luque-out (honk! honk!
honk!) for the Catalan striker.
Shola Ameobi's unique brand of attacking could be on display at West
Brom soon, after their GBP4.5m bid for Tottenham's Fredi Kanoute fell
flat on its face.
It could be Michael Ballack-tico at the Bernabeu as Real Madrid close
in on the Bayern Munich playmaker.
Not satisfied with signing just one comedy keeper, West Ham will
follow up their interest in Roy Carroll with a move for fellow Old
Trafford failure Fabien Barthez.
Cardiff defender Danny Gabbidon is giving the come-on to Bongo FC and
Fulham.
And Nicky Forster has QPR, Stoke and Watford all hanging on the
telephone after rejecting a new deal at Reading.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Lee Bowyer has been summonsed to appear in court over a public order
offence relating to his on-field punch-up with Newcastle team-mate
Kieron Dyer.
Harry Kewell has started a libel action against Gary Lineker over a
"hurtful and humiliating" attack on his move from Leeds to Liverpool.
The pair were both at London's High Court for the start of a
seven-day case relating to Lineker's newspaper article headed "Kewell
move made me feel ashamed of the game".
FA suit David Davies is confident Liverpool will be handed a place in
Big Cup within the next 48 hours. "We are encouraged by the fact
there has been a change of feeling within Uefa," he said.
Despite picking up just two bookings in his first Premiership
campaign, Blackeye Rovers have still handed Kiwi defender Ryan Nelsen
a new three-year deal.
The Special One will be decorated with The Order of Infante Dom
Henrique, High Officer, later this week - Portugal's highest
accolade.
Dense fog has shut the Faroe Islands' only airport, forcing hundreds
of Republic of Ireland fans to miss their World Cup qualifier
tonight. The game isn't under threat, but at least Brian Kerr's got
an excuse if his team can't find their way to goal.
Doncaster have staved off interest from Oldham to sign Paul Heffernan
from Bristol City for GBP125,000.
And a wealthy comedian, Zhao Benshan, has become chairman of Chinese
Super League team Liaoning. Let's just hope Joe Pasquale doesn't get
any ideas, eh?
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Ahead of England's second game tonight, get the insider gossip in
Georgina Turner's Euro 2005 blog:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
Discover the fast route to the sack with our greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I was startled to see these headlines in close proximity on the
Guardian's website today: 1) 3m Children 'left to die' in Africa. 2)
Abramovich effect pushes spending on players past GBP1bn. Can anyone
else see a problem with this?" - Will Sinclair, Sydney.
"Re: Euro 2005 - try listening to women you know trying to talk about
the games, before interjecting with 'but Rachel Unitt's well nice'.
It's great that women get so wound up by what they do to us all the
time" - Al McCulloch.
"Perhaps Joe 'The Queen's Celtic is a misnomer as the Queen's a Hun'
Lowry in Kiev [yesterday's Fiver letters] has been totally
overwhelmed by the Orange revolution in Ukraine last year?" - Brian
Hanniffy, Moscow.
"Peter Collins [yesterday's Fiver letters] blames 'pseudo-PC'
attitudes for the 'problems' between the Queen's Celtic and the
Pope's O'Rangers. Personally I blame religious intolerance and
bigotry. Am I wide of the mark?" - Corin Yeats.
"To answer Richard Comerford's question [yesterday's Fiver letters] on
how long the Fiver's greatest gags DVD is. I'm guessing it ends
before the 'k' sound in 'Honk!'" - Todd Van Allen.
"Can you mention my free, amateur and non-commercial football
predictions game at www.stevesearle.com/champs/about.html.
Thanks" - Steve Searle.
"I'm shocked, outraged and disgusted that El Hadji Diouf has not been
in the press this week. I heard he was last seen stealing babies,
sporting a pointy beard and holding a red pitchfork" - Jim, Bolton.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
your drivel - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Argentinian football (4.05am)
"I'm amazed no one has emailed you about Bernie the Leicester fan,"
declares Simon Eaton, kicking off another tale of a terrace oddballs.
Sky Sports 1: Live International football - Faroe Islands v Rep of
Ireland (7pm)
"He walks 10 miles to every home game, pongs a bit and wears face
paint - which I suspect is actually just normal paint as he never
seems to take it off - a tracksuit top he's worn since the 70s, an
old yellow City top and a white and blue jesters hat.
British Eurosport: Live Women's Euro 2005 - England v Denmark (5.45pm)
"You would have to see him to believe him, although you can buy a
T-shirt with a picture of him on here:
www.tshirts365.com/store/comersus_viewItem.asp?idProduct=1838
Sweden v Finland (8pm)
"See?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Bernie also walks around randomly shouting 'aaarrrrrrgggghhhhh' and
playing a plastic trumpet at anyone in the vicinity.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"Except at Leeds, where he spent the whole game shouting: 'Yorkshire
Puddings!'"
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Who's the colourful character at your club? Tell
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, and mark your entries One of These Kids is
Doing his/her Own Thing.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE SMELL OF THE WEIGHING ROOM
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
08 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Night of the Living Dead?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SCOTLAND THE BRAVE
Even at the best of times, Scotland's squad looks about as solid as
Mel Gibson's grasp of 14th century British history. So spare a
thought for Walter Smith, who this weekend saw his players suffer
more injuries than a streaker in a threshing machine. The result
isn't pretty: against Belarus tonight, the Tartan Army will
definitely be without (sharp intake of breath) Nigel Quashie, Stevie
Crawford, Garry O'Connor, Rab Douglas, Jackie McNamara and Neil
McCann, while Barry Ferguson, Steven Pressley, Kenny Miller and
Graham Alexander will be hobbling around like extras from the Night
of the Living Dead.
The latter three will at least start in Smith's dour 4-1-4-1 formation
- but the same, amazingly, cannot be said of enigmatic Everton
reserve James McFadden, scorer of seven goals in 20 internationals.
"He's one of those players who can be difficult to fit into a team,"
blahed Smith. "Even Davie Moyes seems to have that same dilemma at
Everton. But he's a player who can turn a game ... so he could
figure." Smith is equally confident his side can defy odds of 3-1 and
get a result. "Players take knocks and become doubts before matches,
it's what happens in football," he insisted. "But, come the hour,
they get on with it."
Meanwhile, Belarus, Group 5's top scorers, boast a bevy of players who
can turn a game, most notably Sampdoria's Vitaly Kutuzov and
Stuttgart's Aliaksandr Hleb. The latter, an artful playmaker, will
certainly be out to impress - not just to nudge his country closer to
their first ever World Cup finals, nor simply to tease Celtic, whose
advances he has emphatically rejected, but also to convince Chelsea
and Arsenal to stop beating about the bush and make an GBP8m offer
for his services. Minsk meat, anyone?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Come on and do the Dudek
Do the Jerzy Dudek
Shake it, shake it, move it
Jump up and wave your gloves
We're the one and only
Euro Campione
Who get to keep the trophy
The rest ain't good enough"
- the chorus to 'Du The Dudek', by the Trophy Boyz. And you thought
Crazy Frog was annoying.
*********************
STILL WANT MORE
Find out who succeeded Angola as unofficial world champions in the
Knowledge:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1500410,00.html
Richard Williams - why Ashley Cole and David Dein need some
counselling:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1501442,00.html
Drive off in a shiny new VW Golf Sport courtesy of our top
competition:
www.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,13349,1498678,00.html
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Newcastle whinger Laurent Robert is wanted by Portsmouth to replace
Patrick Berger.
THFC could soon make Messina midfielder Carmine Coppola an offer he
can't refuse.
Peter Crouch, everyone's favourite big man with a good touch, has seen
Liverpool's GBP5m bid to sign him come up short, honk, by GBP2m.
The Big Cup holders could still be in Luque, double honk, with another
GBP10m bid for Deportivo namesake Albert, though sources close to the
Fiver tell us that Barca are also on the Luque-out (honk! honk!
honk!) for the Catalan striker.
Shola Ameobi's unique brand of attacking could be on display at West
Brom soon, after their GBP4.5m bid for Tottenham's Fredi Kanoute fell
flat on its face.
It could be Michael Ballack-tico at the Bernabeu as Real Madrid close
in on the Bayern Munich playmaker.
Not satisfied with signing just one comedy keeper, West Ham will
follow up their interest in Roy Carroll with a move for fellow Old
Trafford failure Fabien Barthez.
Cardiff defender Danny Gabbidon is giving the come-on to Bongo FC and
Fulham.
And Nicky Forster has QPR, Stoke and Watford all hanging on the
telephone after rejecting a new deal at Reading.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Lee Bowyer has been summonsed to appear in court over a public order
offence relating to his on-field punch-up with Newcastle team-mate
Kieron Dyer.
Harry Kewell has started a libel action against Gary Lineker over a
"hurtful and humiliating" attack on his move from Leeds to Liverpool.
The pair were both at London's High Court for the start of a
seven-day case relating to Lineker's newspaper article headed "Kewell
move made me feel ashamed of the game".
FA suit David Davies is confident Liverpool will be handed a place in
Big Cup within the next 48 hours. "We are encouraged by the fact
there has been a change of feeling within Uefa," he said.
Despite picking up just two bookings in his first Premiership
campaign, Blackeye Rovers have still handed Kiwi defender Ryan Nelsen
a new three-year deal.
The Special One will be decorated with The Order of Infante Dom
Henrique, High Officer, later this week - Portugal's highest
accolade.
Dense fog has shut the Faroe Islands' only airport, forcing hundreds
of Republic of Ireland fans to miss their World Cup qualifier
tonight. The game isn't under threat, but at least Brian Kerr's got
an excuse if his team can't find their way to goal.
Doncaster have staved off interest from Oldham to sign Paul Heffernan
from Bristol City for GBP125,000.
And a wealthy comedian, Zhao Benshan, has become chairman of Chinese
Super League team Liaoning. Let's just hope Joe Pasquale doesn't get
any ideas, eh?
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Ahead of England's second game tonight, get the insider gossip in
Georgina Turner's Euro 2005 blog:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
Discover the fast route to the sack with our greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"I was startled to see these headlines in close proximity on the
Guardian's website today: 1) 3m Children 'left to die' in Africa. 2)
Abramovich effect pushes spending on players past GBP1bn. Can anyone
else see a problem with this?" - Will Sinclair, Sydney.
"Re: Euro 2005 - try listening to women you know trying to talk about
the games, before interjecting with 'but Rachel Unitt's well nice'.
It's great that women get so wound up by what they do to us all the
time" - Al McCulloch.
"Perhaps Joe 'The Queen's Celtic is a misnomer as the Queen's a Hun'
Lowry in Kiev [yesterday's Fiver letters] has been totally
overwhelmed by the Orange revolution in Ukraine last year?" - Brian
Hanniffy, Moscow.
"Peter Collins [yesterday's Fiver letters] blames 'pseudo-PC'
attitudes for the 'problems' between the Queen's Celtic and the
Pope's O'Rangers. Personally I blame religious intolerance and
bigotry. Am I wide of the mark?" - Corin Yeats.
"To answer Richard Comerford's question [yesterday's Fiver letters] on
how long the Fiver's greatest gags DVD is. I'm guessing it ends
before the 'k' sound in 'Honk!'" - Todd Van Allen.
"Can you mention my free, amateur and non-commercial football
predictions game at www.stevesearle.com/champs/about.html.
Thanks" - Steve Searle.
"I'm shocked, outraged and disgusted that El Hadji Diouf has not been
in the press this week. I heard he was last seen stealing babies,
sporting a pointy beard and holding a red pitchfork" - Jim, Bolton.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
your drivel - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Argentinian football (4.05am)
"I'm amazed no one has emailed you about Bernie the Leicester fan,"
declares Simon Eaton, kicking off another tale of a terrace oddballs.
Sky Sports 1: Live International football - Faroe Islands v Rep of
Ireland (7pm)
"He walks 10 miles to every home game, pongs a bit and wears face
paint - which I suspect is actually just normal paint as he never
seems to take it off - a tracksuit top he's worn since the 70s, an
old yellow City top and a white and blue jesters hat.
British Eurosport: Live Women's Euro 2005 - England v Denmark (5.45pm)
"You would have to see him to believe him, although you can buy a
T-shirt with a picture of him on here:
www.tshirts365.com/store/comersus_viewItem.asp?idProduct=1838
Sweden v Finland (8pm)
"See?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Bernie also walks around randomly shouting 'aaarrrrrrgggghhhhh' and
playing a plastic trumpet at anyone in the vicinity.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"Except at Leeds, where he spent the whole game shouting: 'Yorkshire
Puddings!'"
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Who's the colourful character at your club? Tell
the.boss@guardian.co.uk, and mark your entries One of These Kids is
Doing his/her Own Thing.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THE SMELL OF THE WEIGHING ROOM
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.