Post by Salem6 on May 31, 2005 15:53:52 GMT
The Fiver
31 May 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: The Queen's Celtic,
and Lots Of Other Sections Including Rumours, News, Letters and TV
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STRACH ATTACK
Today's Fiver is feeling weak as a kitten, having spent the bank
holiday weekend roistering at a wedding in St Andrews - the home of
golf, the home of the world's most unpredictable weather and the home
of the very long stretch of beach John Hartson still has nightmares
about being forced to pound in pre-season training when Wee Gordon
Strachan was his manager at Coventry City. So the queasiness your
favourite daily football email felt this morning was probably nothing
compared to that experienced by Johnny and his team-mates at the
Queen's Celtic, when a tuft of orange hair was unveiled as the new
manager of the most orange club in football, following the departure
of Martin O'Neill, who stepped down to help care for his sick wife,
Geraldine.
"The Strachans know the O'Neills well and it's hard to celebrate when
the situation that's brought me here is not great, but I am very
excited about the job," och-aye-the-nooed a voice from somewhere
underneath a table in the Parkhead press room this morning. "If you
had asked me five or six years ago to do it, then I would have known
it was too much for me. But now I know it is not too much for me and
I look forward to it. I now have to stretch myself on a European
level," it added, as the slavering Scottish hacks craned their necks
to see who exactly it was that had got the job.
First on Wee G's order of business is sorting out the futures of
several of the Queen's Celtic's senior players and, as ever, the
notoriously cagey Scot was giving little away. "Neil Lennon and
Jackie McNamara must stay at this club," he declared. "When you bring
people along to Celtic you have to have examples of how a Celtic
player behaves on the pitch. I can tell them about it, but they have
to have an example." And for examples of how Celtic players shouldn't
behave? "I have worked with Craig [Bellamy] before, he didn't give us
any problems," deadpanned Wee G of the neckless Newcastle United
exile. "I have spoken to him already and he is positive, very
positive." About what, alas, he didn't say.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Win! Win! Win a part share in top racehorse Gala Casino King in our
great competition:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1487858,00.html
Your alternative Man Utd club badges are in, and they're brilliant:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1491847,00.html
Celebrate the start of Euro 2005 with Georgina Turner's women's
football blog: blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
*********************
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Our church is becoming a place of pilgrimage and I believe that this
is just the beginning. Every day I hear from fans, who are saying
that if God can do this for Marvin Andrew then maybe He can do it for
them as well. The fact that Marvin was able to continue playing, and
that Rangers won the championship, was not because of the strength of
Rangers, it was because God decided to give it to Marvin because
Marvin prayed" - The Rev Joe Nwokoye, pastor of the Zion Praise
Centre in Kirkcaldy, Fife, reveals that the devout Papism of Rangers
fans has got some competition.
*********************
SECOND STORY?
Ah, come on, give us a break - it's the summer, after all. And with
Wimbledon, the Lions tour, the Ashes, the Open, the Tour de France
and Women's Euro 2005 to cover, and two sites to run, we're hardly
going to be idle for the next two months are we?
*********************
BUMPER SUMMER RUMOUR MILL
Milan's acquisition of left-back Marek Jankulovski from Udinese could
hasten Kakha Kaladze's switch to Chelsea.
Doing his best Shania Twain impression, Bolton chairman Phil Gartside
has told Liverpool that their interest in Stelios Giannakopoulos
don't impress him much.
Wigan boss Paul Jewell has denied reports he is set to sign Roy
Carroll.
Plenty of Championship teams want Dennis Wise to add some punch to
their line-ups: Southampton, Burnley, QPR and Crystal Palace all want
some.
He's 32 and on the slide - so no surprises to hear that Man City are
interested in Portugal striker Pauleta.
Ipswich will try to land a Suffolk punch [honk!] and pip Norwich to
the signature of Stoke defender Wayne Thomas.
Portsmouth and Bongo FC have pushed to the front of the queue for
Brazilian forward Marcio Amoroso, who is set to quit Malaga.
Graeme Souness has issued a 'hands off' warning to potential Jermaine
Jenas suitors...
...but the Newcastle manager does want to get his hands on Hamburg's
Belgian man-mountain Daniel van Buyten and fellow defender Habib
Beye, of Marseille.
Sunderland have opened talks over a GBP1.5m deal with Blackburn for
lanky two-goals-last-season forward Jon Stead.
Should that move go through, Rovers will make a move for Stuttgart
striker Imre Szabics.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Lose your jobs and your friends with the greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: as the Premier League inquiry into the
Ashley Cole "tapping-up" case announces its verdict, Graham Bean, the
FA's former compliance officer, argues that the FA has missed a
golden opportunity to set standards by not enforcing its own rules
and investigating the matter itself.
* * * * * * * * * * *
BUMPER SUMMER NEWS IN BRIEF
Alan "We're back where we belong" Pardew is 7-1 joint-favourite with
William Hill to be the first Premiership manager sacked next season.
Police have questioned Rio Ferdinand over allegations a hotel guest
was sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher during Jody Morris's
stag party at The Grove in Watford.
Crystal Palace have swiftly tapped into their parachute payments,
spending GBP2m on Millwall defender Darren Ward and Cardiff winger
Jobi McAnuff.
The recent fans' invasion of Atletico Madrid's training ground has
clearly done the trick - coach Cesar Ferrando has been sacked.
Mark Wright has heralded his appointment as Peterborough manager by
insisting all of his players live within 20 minutes of London Road.
Former Old Trafford target Rafael van der Vaart has joined Hamburg
from Ajax for an undisclosed fee.
And the verdict in the Ashley Cole 'tapping-up' case is due tomorrow.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"In response to Allan Morton's moronic letter in Friday's Fiver -
Liverpool were given the same opportunity to qualify for next
season's Big Cup as Brazil were given to qualify for the 2006 World
Cup. The only difference is that Liverpool's route was not called the
South American qualifying zone but the Premiership. The fact that
they won Big Cup is immaterial. They knew the rules, they failed to
qualify, they should not be there next year - end of story" - Brian
Burke.
"Speaking as a lifelong Man Utd fan, wouldn't a handy compromise be to
give one Big Cup qualifying spot to the Liverpool and then have
United and Everton play off for the other one? If we get beat, then
at least Nike will take their ropy shirt designs elsewhere and we can
go back to something nice and comfortable by Admiral. Or just use
Tampa Bay Buccaneers' hand-me-downs" - Nick Doran.
"Normally I have to read your 'anti-Scouse' missive with grated teeth,
but I was relieved to see that at last the you lot and the rest of
the country have finally seen through the Harry Kewell myth. Possibly
the first ever Liverpool player to be booed off the pitch in a major
final - Peter Hart.
"Re: Alex Walter's letter [Friday's Fiver] about Australian
footballers with no heart. We showed plenty of heart last time we
played England at international level. What was the score there? But
then we do love beating you lot in so many sports. In fact, in every
sport you've invented I think" - Paul Jurdeczka, Sydney.
"It might be the common consensus in England that us American
'soccerballgiants' fans are not knowledgeable of the sport but the
simple fact is that is wrong. Yes, FACT. Take, for example, the bloke
who decided to chide us, as we walked to Soldier Field before USA v
England. 'Three for a pound, American shirts, free with MacDonald's.
XXXL all around'. Yes funny, as I am one of those Yanks who loves and
understands British humour - but maybe it's time the Brits understand
that Americans love soccer too" - Kevin Pugliese.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
1,000-word rants - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
BBC1: Live Match of The Day - England v Colombia (8.55pm)
"A good few seasons ago now, I was back home in mad-cow ravaged Devon
watching Torquay United slump to yet another defeat," ooh-arhs Matt
Carter, kicking off the second week of your strange fans stories.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (6.30pm)
"As the 90th minute crawled painfully into sight, it was clear that
the referee was going to play out every possible agonising second of
stoppage time. A cry, in a pure Devonshire twang, from the terraces
behind me broke the silence...
England v Colombia highlights (11.30pm)
'COME ON REF.....I'VE GOT SHEEP TO BURN!'
British Eurosport: Eurogoals (7pm)
"This injected some much-needed mirth into an otherwise dreary
Saturday afternoon. However, upon turning round to see the jokester,
it was clear that he wasn't kidding.
Live Football: France v Hungary (7.30pm)
"There stood a stereotypical country yokel, probably raised on the
moors, complete with blood-drenched overalls and boots, and a mad
stare in his eyes.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Does this win me a prize?"
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
Er, what do you think Matt?
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Ever stood next to a strange fan? Want to tell 60,000 people about
it? Then email the.boss@guardian.co.uk marked: Something Strange In
the Neighbourhood.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ARGOS SMARGOS
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
31 May 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: The Queen's Celtic,
and Lots Of Other Sections Including Rumours, News, Letters and TV
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STRACH ATTACK
Today's Fiver is feeling weak as a kitten, having spent the bank
holiday weekend roistering at a wedding in St Andrews - the home of
golf, the home of the world's most unpredictable weather and the home
of the very long stretch of beach John Hartson still has nightmares
about being forced to pound in pre-season training when Wee Gordon
Strachan was his manager at Coventry City. So the queasiness your
favourite daily football email felt this morning was probably nothing
compared to that experienced by Johnny and his team-mates at the
Queen's Celtic, when a tuft of orange hair was unveiled as the new
manager of the most orange club in football, following the departure
of Martin O'Neill, who stepped down to help care for his sick wife,
Geraldine.
"The Strachans know the O'Neills well and it's hard to celebrate when
the situation that's brought me here is not great, but I am very
excited about the job," och-aye-the-nooed a voice from somewhere
underneath a table in the Parkhead press room this morning. "If you
had asked me five or six years ago to do it, then I would have known
it was too much for me. But now I know it is not too much for me and
I look forward to it. I now have to stretch myself on a European
level," it added, as the slavering Scottish hacks craned their necks
to see who exactly it was that had got the job.
First on Wee G's order of business is sorting out the futures of
several of the Queen's Celtic's senior players and, as ever, the
notoriously cagey Scot was giving little away. "Neil Lennon and
Jackie McNamara must stay at this club," he declared. "When you bring
people along to Celtic you have to have examples of how a Celtic
player behaves on the pitch. I can tell them about it, but they have
to have an example." And for examples of how Celtic players shouldn't
behave? "I have worked with Craig [Bellamy] before, he didn't give us
any problems," deadpanned Wee G of the neckless Newcastle United
exile. "I have spoken to him already and he is positive, very
positive." About what, alas, he didn't say.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Win! Win! Win a part share in top racehorse Gala Casino King in our
great competition:
sport.guardian.co.uk/competitions/page/0,15079,1487858,00.html
Your alternative Man Utd club badges are in, and they're brilliant:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1491847,00.html
Celebrate the start of Euro 2005 with Georgina Turner's women's
football blog: blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
*********************
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Our church is becoming a place of pilgrimage and I believe that this
is just the beginning. Every day I hear from fans, who are saying
that if God can do this for Marvin Andrew then maybe He can do it for
them as well. The fact that Marvin was able to continue playing, and
that Rangers won the championship, was not because of the strength of
Rangers, it was because God decided to give it to Marvin because
Marvin prayed" - The Rev Joe Nwokoye, pastor of the Zion Praise
Centre in Kirkcaldy, Fife, reveals that the devout Papism of Rangers
fans has got some competition.
*********************
SECOND STORY?
Ah, come on, give us a break - it's the summer, after all. And with
Wimbledon, the Lions tour, the Ashes, the Open, the Tour de France
and Women's Euro 2005 to cover, and two sites to run, we're hardly
going to be idle for the next two months are we?
*********************
BUMPER SUMMER RUMOUR MILL
Milan's acquisition of left-back Marek Jankulovski from Udinese could
hasten Kakha Kaladze's switch to Chelsea.
Doing his best Shania Twain impression, Bolton chairman Phil Gartside
has told Liverpool that their interest in Stelios Giannakopoulos
don't impress him much.
Wigan boss Paul Jewell has denied reports he is set to sign Roy
Carroll.
Plenty of Championship teams want Dennis Wise to add some punch to
their line-ups: Southampton, Burnley, QPR and Crystal Palace all want
some.
He's 32 and on the slide - so no surprises to hear that Man City are
interested in Portugal striker Pauleta.
Ipswich will try to land a Suffolk punch [honk!] and pip Norwich to
the signature of Stoke defender Wayne Thomas.
Portsmouth and Bongo FC have pushed to the front of the queue for
Brazilian forward Marcio Amoroso, who is set to quit Malaga.
Graeme Souness has issued a 'hands off' warning to potential Jermaine
Jenas suitors...
...but the Newcastle manager does want to get his hands on Hamburg's
Belgian man-mountain Daniel van Buyten and fellow defender Habib
Beye, of Marseille.
Sunderland have opened talks over a GBP1.5m deal with Blackburn for
lanky two-goals-last-season forward Jon Stead.
Should that move go through, Rovers will make a move for Stuttgart
striker Imre Szabics.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Lose your jobs and your friends with the greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: as the Premier League inquiry into the
Ashley Cole "tapping-up" case announces its verdict, Graham Bean, the
FA's former compliance officer, argues that the FA has missed a
golden opportunity to set standards by not enforcing its own rules
and investigating the matter itself.
* * * * * * * * * * *
BUMPER SUMMER NEWS IN BRIEF
Alan "We're back where we belong" Pardew is 7-1 joint-favourite with
William Hill to be the first Premiership manager sacked next season.
Police have questioned Rio Ferdinand over allegations a hotel guest
was sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher during Jody Morris's
stag party at The Grove in Watford.
Crystal Palace have swiftly tapped into their parachute payments,
spending GBP2m on Millwall defender Darren Ward and Cardiff winger
Jobi McAnuff.
The recent fans' invasion of Atletico Madrid's training ground has
clearly done the trick - coach Cesar Ferrando has been sacked.
Mark Wright has heralded his appointment as Peterborough manager by
insisting all of his players live within 20 minutes of London Road.
Former Old Trafford target Rafael van der Vaart has joined Hamburg
from Ajax for an undisclosed fee.
And the verdict in the Ashley Cole 'tapping-up' case is due tomorrow.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"In response to Allan Morton's moronic letter in Friday's Fiver -
Liverpool were given the same opportunity to qualify for next
season's Big Cup as Brazil were given to qualify for the 2006 World
Cup. The only difference is that Liverpool's route was not called the
South American qualifying zone but the Premiership. The fact that
they won Big Cup is immaterial. They knew the rules, they failed to
qualify, they should not be there next year - end of story" - Brian
Burke.
"Speaking as a lifelong Man Utd fan, wouldn't a handy compromise be to
give one Big Cup qualifying spot to the Liverpool and then have
United and Everton play off for the other one? If we get beat, then
at least Nike will take their ropy shirt designs elsewhere and we can
go back to something nice and comfortable by Admiral. Or just use
Tampa Bay Buccaneers' hand-me-downs" - Nick Doran.
"Normally I have to read your 'anti-Scouse' missive with grated teeth,
but I was relieved to see that at last the you lot and the rest of
the country have finally seen through the Harry Kewell myth. Possibly
the first ever Liverpool player to be booed off the pitch in a major
final - Peter Hart.
"Re: Alex Walter's letter [Friday's Fiver] about Australian
footballers with no heart. We showed plenty of heart last time we
played England at international level. What was the score there? But
then we do love beating you lot in so many sports. In fact, in every
sport you've invented I think" - Paul Jurdeczka, Sydney.
"It might be the common consensus in England that us American
'soccerballgiants' fans are not knowledgeable of the sport but the
simple fact is that is wrong. Yes, FACT. Take, for example, the bloke
who decided to chide us, as we walked to Soldier Field before USA v
England. 'Three for a pound, American shirts, free with MacDonald's.
XXXL all around'. Yes funny, as I am one of those Yanks who loves and
understands British humour - but maybe it's time the Brits understand
that Americans love soccer too" - Kevin Pugliese.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
1,000-word rants - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
BBC1: Live Match of The Day - England v Colombia (8.55pm)
"A good few seasons ago now, I was back home in mad-cow ravaged Devon
watching Torquay United slump to yet another defeat," ooh-arhs Matt
Carter, kicking off the second week of your strange fans stories.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (6.30pm)
"As the 90th minute crawled painfully into sight, it was clear that
the referee was going to play out every possible agonising second of
stoppage time. A cry, in a pure Devonshire twang, from the terraces
behind me broke the silence...
England v Colombia highlights (11.30pm)
'COME ON REF.....I'VE GOT SHEEP TO BURN!'
British Eurosport: Eurogoals (7pm)
"This injected some much-needed mirth into an otherwise dreary
Saturday afternoon. However, upon turning round to see the jokester,
it was clear that he wasn't kidding.
Live Football: France v Hungary (7.30pm)
"There stood a stereotypical country yokel, probably raised on the
moors, complete with blood-drenched overalls and boots, and a mad
stare in his eyes.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"Does this win me a prize?"
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
Er, what do you think Matt?
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Ever stood next to a strange fan? Want to tell 60,000 people about
it? Then email the.boss@guardian.co.uk marked: Something Strange In
the Neighbourhood.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ARGOS SMARGOS
The Fiver was written by Barry Glendenning. Guardian Unlimited (c)
Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales.
No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.