Post by Taxigirl on Nov 1, 2003 11:57:05 GMT
Never mind the ghoulies, ghosties and three-legged beasties, there's some scary things happening in the Premiership this Hallowe'en.
Word has it The Tinkerer has been out trick or treating around Stamford Bridge.
He's tricked a few players into signing long-term deals and treated them with a place on the bench. Still, £70K a week beats the hell out of a fluff-covered boiled sweet.
There also appears to have been a mix-up with the special witches' potions dished out before the start of the season.
Birmingham accidentally received the 'Scrape into Champions League' formula, while the 'Mid-table Muppets' cocktail went up to Anfield.
Fortunately the 'Down Before Christmas' and 'Flatter to Deceive' pills reached their respective destinations in Leicester and Tottenham without a problem.
All in all it's been a depressing start to the season, what with fines and bans and accusations galore, so what better way to blow away a few cobwebs than a Hallowe'en party?
All the big names will be in attendance - but who will be going as who?
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Count Dracula:
Fulham manager Chris Coleman. Tall and dark, with bushy eyebrows - and currently scaring the hell out of his Premiership rivals.
Scented blood at Old Trafford recently and went in for the kill - helped by the knowledge there was no chance of the sun coming out in Manchester.
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Uncle Fester:
Ray Wilkins. Uncanny - you never see them in the same room together.
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Ghost:
David Beckham, who will come back to haunt Sir Alex Ferguson in the Champions League final. Probably.
Bat:
Arsene Wenger. We all know he's been dying for someone to throw a Bagpuss party - so he can come as Professor Yaffle - but he'll have to make do with this one for now.
Why a bat? Well there's the wizened, pointy features for starters and, as we all know, bats have a habit of not being able to see things when they're staring them in the face.
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Vampire:
David Seaman. Big, hairy and terrified of crosses. The old fella's getting a bit long in the tooth these days. They think his career's all over? It is now.
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Pumpkin:
Rio Ferdinand. He was going to go as a horse-drawn gold carriage, but was caught unawares when the clock struck midnight. Well, it's easy to forget these things.