Arsenal - Scourge of the Shareholders

[Bernard's briefs]

Hi folks

Don't ask me how, but another weekend passes with the Arsenal still sitting
atop the Premiership pile. The picture would have been a lot different if it
wasn't for a profligate Liverpool side. We would have been going into
another potential six pointer against Chelsea, without our suspended
captain, looking up at our wealthy London neighbours who have two first
eleven's to choose from while we are struggling to muster one!

I wasn't alone in thinking we were very lucky not to suffer a painful loss
against Liverpool. The way Kewell and El Hadj Diouf ran us ragged for an
hour came as further confirmation quite how lightweight our midfield is
without the towering presence of Patrick Vieira. Edu might have deservedly
won plenty of plaudits for perhaps his best performance in an Arsenal shirt
and in my humble opinion, on work rate alone, he is currently far more
deserving of a regular birth alongside Vieira than Gilberto, but in a
midfield where only he and Parlour are capable of making a challenge, we are
far too susceptible to being overrun when the opposition are in possession

It was an absolute pleasure to witness Pires' wonder goal and if he starts
contributing on the score sheet in such a stylish fashion more regularly, I
can forgive him anything. But in his current frame of mind, where he appears
to always look to pass on responsibility first, rather than take on
opponents and have a go himself, he is far too much of a passenger. His
apparent lack of 'bottle' since his injury is such that the most you can
expect when we are not in possession is a token attempt at harrying an
opponent with the ball. In fact so rare is it to see him actually attempt
anything more than a half-hearted challenge, that I seem to recall a rare
instance of a tackle eliciting a comment from the TV commentator (which
confirmed that it is not just me who thinks he is far too much of a 'woos'!)

However as we all know, Pires' primary function in our team is as a creator,
rather than a destroyer, which is not the case with Gilberto. There are many
Gooners who are beginning to question Gilberto's Brazilian origins, as his
displays this season have been so frustratingly poor that many find it hard
to believe Gilberto can have come from the land where they come out of the
womb playing keepy-uppy

Arsenal fans have a long tradition for picking on a particular player and
using him as the scapegoat for everything from dodgy football, to undeserved
parking tickets. It wasn't so long ago that Ray Parlour was the player on
Gooners hit list because they perceived he was deficient in the skills
department. It wasn't that Ray was so bad, because the performances of his
peers would have made all but the very best look poor.

However Ray appears to have worked hard on his game and it is only now, when
we are not simply steamrollering weaker sides that we've begun to appreciate
Parlour because his work rate stands out and shows up those beside him who
won't roll up their sleeves quite so readily. Besides which I believe
experience has taught Parlour how to make the utmost of his limited assets,
to the point where he's become a far more canny player who is able to use
his strength for example to prevent himself being mugged off by quicker,
more skillful opponents.

Nevertheless, as I've said before, it must be a little confusing for
Parlour. I am not sure he's really captain material, as I can't imagine Ray
having the sort of presence needed to urge his team mates to pull their
finger out. Then again, Vieira doesn't strike me as much of a talker either,
so I can only assume Wenger made Ray captain on Saturday in order that he
might lead by example with his effort. Yet what on earth must Parlour make
of it, when only a couple of months back, he couldn't open a paper without
reading that he was being offered as the makeweight in our efforts to secure
the signing of Kewell?

Meanwhile Ray has been displaced by Gilberto as Gooners no. 1 target for
their displeasure. At almost every game I've been to this season, there have
been fans in my vicinity who have been on Gilberto's back from the very off.
Now it is not that I disagree with them, to the contrary, there have been
several incidents this season where Gilberto's lack of effort has infuriated
me. He has produced extremely sloppy passes, losing possession in midfield
which has directly resulted in goals against us and I have one particular
horrifying image of the Brazilian making a half-hearted challenge, sticking
a leg out lazily, only for the opponent to sweep past him and into the
penalty area to score a goal, with Gilberto making absolutely no effort to
give chase.

There is no excuse for this and in a crucial position like his, no matter
how capable, or incapable he is, the one thing I cannot countenance is lack
of effort. The tabloids have been tearing our defence to bits all season,
permanently picking at the perceived frailties of Ashley Cole and Kolo
Toure. However as far as I am concerned there is little wrong with our
defence that some protection from those in front of them wouldn't cure.
Almost every goal we've conceded seems to have resulted from the fact that
Gilberto, Pires, Ljungberg etc. haven't tracked back either to assist the
defence, or plug a hole that has appeared from them venturing forward.

This is nothing new. It is only because we haven't been firing on all
cylinders and have been scraping by in most matches, unable to produce any
of the dazzling football we've grown accustomed to, that our deficiencies
are so much more apparent. Nevertheless I still don't see how laying into
Gilberto is going to do us any good. I might be just as p*ssed off with the
Brazilian as everyone else, but while he's out there in an Arsenal shirt, he
gets nothing but my encouragement because not only is it probably pointless
to bother giving him a hard time, as he's hardly likely to understand you,
but I don't see how it is likely to motivate the man to try any harder.

Even after watching the recorded highlights of Saturday's match at Anfield,
I am still unsure whether we deserve a pat on the back for digging out a
hard earned victory, or Liverpool deserve to be slaughtered for simply
giving up. If I was a Liverpool fan I would be very disappointed because not
only did they fail to capitalize on their superiority in the first half,
when they should have finished us off with at least three good chances
wasted, but most of all, I was shocked at how their confidence just ebbed
away for the last half hour. They were a shadow of the side that was all
over us earlier on and if I didn't know better, I would have thought they
were the team that had faced a long midweek trip to Russia a couple of days
prior.

I have never rated Houllier as a manager and Saturday's match only
reaffirmed my opinion. Perhaps I am being harsh and it was simply a case of
the Scousers putting in so much effort early on, defending from the front
and giving us no time on the ball, that it was inevitable they would tire
towards the end. Houllier without doubt has a collection of fairly decent
players but to my mind it doesn't say much for his managerial ability the
way that as far as I am concerned, their belief just disappeared totally
once they went behind.

Being the pessimist that I am, during the game, I was planking it,
absolutely convinced that we were going to blow it towards the end as we
have done so often in the recent past. I was praying for the ref to blow the
final whistle, desperate to get out of there with all three points intact,
before we conceded a sloppy goal. I suppose it does make a slight difference
that I already knew the final result however watching the highlights on the
box, I was surprised to find I needn't have been sitting on the edge of my
seat because Liverpool had the appearance of a beaten team long before the
final whistle. It's no wonder their fans are angry because I would be
disgusted at the lack of fighting spirit in this side.

I was glad to see Sol Campbell back. Although I hope Wenger is just saving
Martin Keown to ensure he lasts the course because our team is desperate for
the sort of passion running through Keown's veins. I have every sympathy for
Campbell at such a traumatic time in his life but I am glad that his return
wasn't delayed any longer. The loss of a parent is such a shattering event
that there is no correct amount of time with which one can respect their
passing and in my humble opinion, either you never play again, or you get
straight back in the saddle as soon as possible. I am sure the last thing
Sol's dad would have wanted was that his death should have a negative effect
on his son's career.

Meanwhile I write prior to the farcical events at the FA this afternoon,
when Sol faces his disciplinary hearing. To be honest it has all got a bit
silly. If it wasn't bad enough that two of England's most important players
are sitting out training with injuries and niggles, the FA have now shot
themselves in the foot with a fiasco of farcical proportions. The Turks must
be laughing their heads off. Can you honestly imagine the Turkish
authorities interrupting training so that one player can attend a
disciplinary hearing for the pettiest of incidents which occurred in the
Charity Shield, a bloody friendly for g-d's sake. And then the FA go and
stir up an absolute hornet's nest (which surely could have waited a week?)
resulting in some of the tabloids talking of a mutiny in the camp that could
see the squad threatening to go on strike. The Turks must be laughing their
heads off.

If it was a scenario that someone dreamt up, you would dismiss it as being
far too incredulous!! And besides while the distraction can't be good for
the team, I don't really understand the fuss over Ferdinand. The FA might be
doing England and Ericsson a favour, since it is not as if he's played that
well recently :-)

[Bernard's briefs]

I only hope that Sol's inclusion in the England squad ends up benefitting
him as far as any punishment is concerned. What with rapes, gang-bangs,
mutinies....charging Sol for his friendly kick up Djemba-Djemba's backside
begins to look just a little bit petty :-) As I have said below, with his
suspension and the possibility of further suspensions resulting from the
debacle at the Theatre of Dreams, the deficiencies in the size of our squad
could begin to be a big problem. It is a problem which was bound to bite at
some point but many would have expected we might get away with it for a few
months, until injuries begin to take their toll during the winter months.
However it looks like we will be down to the bare bones long before that.

In fact it will be some feat if we accomplish anything this season and don't
end up blowing crucial matches because our meagre squad just cannot cope. On
paper it is amazing that we are able to compete when you look at the other
end of the spectrum and a team with the resources of moneybags Chelsea,
where they have two or three multi-million pound stars competing for
absolutely every position. There are quite a few people who are beginning to
believe that Chelsea can mount a creditable challenge.

Along with most, I pray they don't win a thing but my main reason for not
wanting them to achieve any success is that I really, really do not like the
principle that the Premiership is there to be bought by anyone prepared to
throw enough resources at the problem. However if there is one thing going
for us that gives me some hope for this season, it is the fact that when we
were playing such sparkling footie last term, we couldn't buy a slice of
luck for love nor money. When it came to anything involving the element of
fortune, absolutely nothing went our way. By contrast, so far this season,
Lady Luck seems to have switched allegiances.

OK so this might not be true as far as referees, red cards and problems with
the FA are concerned but then that would be expecting abso-bloody-lute
miracles. No I'm talking about the little things, like Hyypia deflecting
Edu's header into the net on Saturday, Van the cheating man hitting the
crossbar with his penalty, the small matter of an inch or two which make all
the difference to a result and which just would not have gone our way last
term.

So far these thin slices of luck have saved us points, or prevented our
rivals walking away with them, which could prove crucial at the end of the
day. I think it was Pleat who said something like "Better to be a lucky
caretaker" and you have to admit that in recent times, we have achieved
success in spite of some dreadful twists of fortune.

As for the AGM at Highbury last week, my account below of what transpired
was limited by the fact that I am only supposed to send the Examiner 1000
words. However you can find a far more detailed account on the Arsenal World
web site at:
www.arsenal-world.co.uk/news/loadnews.asp?cid=TMNW&id=121503

It is obvious from the demeanour of the likes of Hill-Wood that they would
be much happier if none of the plebs were partners in their 'little'
business. It is only thanks to kindly shareholders who haven't been
available on the day that I've managed to attend a few AGMs over the years
and I've always come away with the distinct impression that there would be
absolutely no way any of our board would dream of putting themselves up for
any kind of public scrutiny, if they weren't required to do so by company
law.

As far as Hill-Wood was concerned, it was plainly apparent that he was
principally interested in getting our pesky questions out of the way so he
could get on with the important business of having their slap up lunch
(which we undoubtedly paid for!). It's not something I am familiar with, but
I imagine that it is the same at any kind of company AGM, where they start
out by getting all the official rigamarole out of the way first.

They go through this farcical procedure for the directors, chairman etc who
are required to resign and be voted back in, where the shareholders are
supposed to play their part. However it is treated as such a formality that
for one of the votes, Hill-Wood was in such a hurry that he neglected to ask
for the show of hands. Oh how I wish I had the balls to make a fuss and vote
against one of the resolutions and demand that they actually count the votes
for once.

At the end of the day, the only points of any real interest to come from the
entire AGM, were the fact that as mentioned below, the loans required to
secure the few hundred millions necessary to finance the entire project
definitely have not been secured as yet. But even if Ashburton Grove went
tits up, at the end of the day there is no cause for any undue worry because
the commercial value alone of this prime piece of London real estate should
mean that the club could turn a profit.

Also, while personally I would have liked to have an opportunity to pin them
down to a more exact figure, they did confirm that 'cheaper' seats would be
made available at our proposed new stadium. Now I am sure that in all the
projections and spreadsheets that they've had to prepare in order to apply
for funding (as I assume that while it might be on a slightly bigger scale,
the procedure itself would be no different from an application for a small
business start-up loan!?), they must have made fairly precise projections of
the potential income from the new stadium. I would therefore like to know
how many seats and at exactly what price?

I would like to think that they have the fans best interests at heart but am
not so naive as to believe that the pricing won't be governed by simple
economics. Therefore I won't be surprised if there are plenty of cheap seats
available for the games they might struggle to sell out and not nearly so
many for the high profile matches! But I suppose this won't be relevant
unless the actual stadium ever gets built! I don't ever remember David Dein
taking much of an active part in the AGMs I have been to in the past, so I
therefore don't imagine anything can be read into the fact that he remained
absolutely silent on this occasion. However it seems to be common knowledge
that the Arsenal boardroom is an arena that is ripe for the efforts of the
reconciliation committee

The person I questioned most recently about my suspicions that there must be
an ulterior motive behind a man who I've previously regarded as Arsenal
through and through, never missing an opportunity to ensure that the
economically sensible Wembley option isn't ruled out, responded with the
suggestion that there might be nothing more to it than the fact that the
rift in the boardroom is now so deep that Dein would label black anything
the Fiszman camp said was white?

And if anyone was in any doubt as to whether there was anything else of any
import discussed in public at the AGM, perhaps I might set your minds at
rest by detailing how I sat there with my hand up for the best part of the
entire hour of the questions and answers. I waited patiently for my
opportunity to have my say, whilst a series of fuddy-duddy shareholders in
matching stripey shirt and tie sets, bow ties, some wearing hair pieces
which must have been older than me monopolized the mics.

I suppose the fact that Arsene finally chose to give Aliadiere a start in
the very next game might be relevant and could suggest that not everyone who
spoke at the AGM was full of hot-air, as Arsene might have been influenced
by those who queried his reluctance to give youth a chance.

However the prize for the most pointless question of the day went to some
bumbling idiot who recalled his visit to the Amsterdam Arena and how high
his seat was there. He wanted to know if he could expect a seat at Ashburton
Grove where he would have to climb several flights of stairs, or would the
new stadium contain gentle winding ramps, or lifts. So as you can plainly
see, there is absolutely no need to be concerned that the club's
shareholders aren't representing all your most serious concerns about the
club's future

But that¹s more than enough of my pontificating for one day. Before I go,
Rona read my piece and suggested I might want to be careful that I don¹t
alienate any of my more patriotic readers. I was considering editing this
week¹s piece accordingly but have decided to leave it as is and merely
remind you that it was written with the Examiner¹s Irish readers in mind. I
will leave it to your good judgement to decide on whether some of my
stereotyping is warranted, or whether I am merely pandering to the fact that
our friends across the sea are quite partial to a little pleasure at the
expense of the nation that subjugated them so cruelly for so many years

Peace & Love
Bernard

PS. Having heard the 20 grand fine for Campbell, I can¹t help but wonder if
the amount is related to the fact that he¹s supposedly earning 100k a week?

[Bernard's briefs]

Scourge of the Shareholders, Keown The Kop Knight-Errant


Late as ever, I legged it out of the house at day break on Saturday
morning, dashing to the tube like a lunatic, desperately hoping to make
Euston in time for the early morning departure to Liverpool. Rudely stirred
by a 6am alarm, it would have been easy to roll over and return to a
beautiful dream about banging in a hat-trick at the Bernabeu where I refused
Becks my Arsenal shirt until he was able to explain Einstein¹s Theory of
Relativity. Neither the missus or Nell were able to accompany me to Anfield
and having been blown out by both, I was sorely tempted to stop in bed until
noon and a much gentler awakening to the dulcet tones of Andy Gray¹s live
match coverage on TV.

Based on previous experiences of the Arsenal¹s lethargic Premiership
efforts after a long trip back from a midweek Champions League encounter and
in the knowledge of such important no-shows as Vieira, Bergkamp and
Ljungberg, rustling up any real enthusiasm for the long schlep to Anfield,
at such an ungodly hour, was a real challenge. However the more games you go
to, the harder it is to miss one, for fear of kopping out on the match of
the season. Not only was I grateful to witness Pires¹ wonderful strike
nestle in the net before my very eyes but it is only by enduring such
exhausting outings that one earns the right to slaughter shareholders
without a Oscooby¹ when they start having a dig at our marvelous manager¹s
disciplinary dilemmas.

Every year I announce to Róna my renewed desire to purchase a share in a
concern which is so close to my heart and each year I end up kicking myself
even harder as the price of a snall piece of the Arsenal continues to soar
beyond the pitiful reach of my penniless pockets. Nevertheless,
profitability is not my principal motivation. Above all it is not a
financial but an emotional investment which interests me. I am most grateful
to various Gooner shareholders who have been unavailable for the Arsenal¹s
AGM over the years and who¹ve allowed me to attend as their Oproxy¹.

Prior to last Thursday, our double-barreled, old Etonian chairman might
have taken one look at me and assumed I was the representative of the Gooner
branch of Al Quaeda. So I shaved specially for the occasion and dug out my
most respectable looking strides and shirt. I might even have donned a suit
in my efforts to achieve a sufficiently respectable mien to merit
consideration for putting a question to the panel, but I couldn¹t face all
the Owhere¹s the funeral¹ or Owhat are you charged with¹ mickey taking.

Yet I was so keen that, looking spick & span (if feeling a little spiv),
I turned up ten minutes early. Already the seats laid out along the length
of ground floor of the North Bank were full. Not wanting to sit so far from
the dais that I¹d have to view proceedings on the screens set up for this
purpose, I carried a chair from the back, to a point near the front where I
hoped the chairman wouldn¹t be able to ignore me during the question and
answer session. Sitting there with my hand in the air for almost the entire
hour, I grew increasingly frustrated at the folly of my efforts to jump
through the hoops of social acceptability.

At least I was looking fairly Obuff¹ for about the only result of the
day. Yet another chance for shareholders to have their picture taken with
some silverware. Compared to the last photo a couple of years back, where
the mens and womens teams had amassed a plethora of shiny pots and plates,
the solitary FA Cup in this photo looks a little forlorn. Nevertheless I
have given the Gunners such a vast fortune over the years that there is no
way I will ever give up an opportunity to get something back, gratis. I even
grabbed the complimentary coffee and Kit-Kat whilst waiting. Considering how
many greedy Gooners were doing likewise, we are just as entitled to call
ourselves the OYid Army¹ as our friends from White Hart Lane!

I always eagerly anticipate the AGM in the belief that it will present a
rare opportunity to dispel a year¹s worth of tabloid half-truths. Where all
the Gooner gossip will be dealt with as we discern Arsenal fact from
fiction. Whereas in truth it is nothing more than a querulous necessity in
the corporate calendar as far as the board are concerned. The shareholders
might be hoping for transparency, but the directors always do their level
best to comply with the regulations whilst playing their cards as close to
their chest as possible. Never has this been more apparent than in the
current climate.

We were treated to a detailed presentation about the progress being made
in the plans for our new stadium. I assume some of the intricacies and
complexities of this ambitious inner-city regeneration project were
addressed in an attempt to appease all those punters who have become
impatient, with perceptions being that the entire future of the Arsenal is
up in the air whilst the stadium build stagnates. If you are to believe our
board, construction on the stadium itself is due to begin in the first
quarter of next year.

Meanwhile as always, I ended up feeling more than a little frustrated
with far more questions than answers. For the most part there was an attempt
to impart a mood of optimism about Ashburton Grove with the board¹s
conviction that there was absolutely no doubt about it going ahead, with
minimal impact on the Arsenal¹s ability to compete on the pitch. However we
heard how the club have failed as yet to secure the all important long term
loans necessary for the bulk of the project. Apparently these remain the
crucial subject of ongoing negotiations with overseas financial
institutions. Yet as with the premature announcements in the media
concerning the birth of this Arsenal baby, I would have fully expected the
entire board to bluff it out with assurances that their borrowing was
already in the bag.

[Bernard's briefs]

Our managing director had yet to be embarrassed by a shareholder who
wanted to know how, in such hard times, with all the cost cutting
constraints introduced by a man who¹s known as a paper clip counter rather
than a football man, the club could justify our hard earned cash going
towards a 60 grand increase in this poor man¹s paltry £400k salary! So there
was little excuse for dropping what sounded like a far too candid clanger in
an off the cuff comment concerning his disquiet about securing the finance.
He divulged ²Worried? It depends which week I¹m asked!² Words which spoke
volumes in my opinion.

Nevertheless I am fairly confident that (by hook, or by crook!) the new
stadium will eventually happen. If only for the fact that we can¹t afford
otherwise because we are already in the hole to the tune of £95 million.
With all the bluff and bluster the board could muster, they steadfastly
refused to entertain any suggestion of a Plan B. Yet I can¹t help but wonder
who exactly they are trying to kid with the outrageous assertion that the
Ashburton Grove deal won¹t have a detrimental affect on our ability to
compete on the pitch.

It might make sound economic sense to cook the books and separate the
property development so that it doesn¹t appear on the balance sheet of the
club¹s regular activities. But it is as plain as the red nose on Fergie¹s
face that our precarious financial circumstances are forcing Arsène to skate
on incredibly thin ice. Moreover injuries and suspensions might have caused
it to melt somewhat sooner than expected. I doubt the board could convince
that Wenger will have been delighted to deduct the veteran Gio Van
Bronckhorst¹s salary from the weekly wage bill, when he found himself in
Russia with almost his entire bench still wet behind the ears.

In a week when John Halls, another product of Brady¹s Academy, has gone
to Stoke for the guarantee of first team football, no-one is happier than me
to see the youngsters thrown more frequent carrots. In fact I believe it was
the discontent Wenger discerned from the floor at the AGM which might have
resulted in Aliadière being included in the starting line-up on Saturday.
Yet after Arsène had explained his reluctance to risk the youngsters with
the contention that over the course of a season their inexperience would
cost us points, we might have expected him to give them their head at home
to Wolves, or Leicester, not a crucial top of the table six-pointer away to
Liverpool! An immediate understanding between Titi and Jeremie in such a
competitive climate was unlikely but Aliadière¹s inclusion was a blessing if
only to administer a much needed kick up the backside to Wiltord, hopefully
ensuring that he¹s not quite so comfortable about his first eleven place in
future.

Considering we should have been 0-3 down at halftime, it felt like
daylight robbery to be coming away from Anfield with all three points. A
draw would have been generous and I would have gladly accepted a point as we
entered the ground by a gate where a steward was offering free admittance to
anyone named Keown! I adore the Scouse sense of humour. The hospitable
welcome we usually receive in Liverpool often makes me feel that much closer
to Ireland than bovine Britain. No matter the result, you can invariably
guarantee a good Ocraic¹, although that¹s probably due to the fact that
Ryanair have flown half of Ireland over for the weekend.

It was teeming as I trotted out of the ground, in the hope for once that
I wouldn¹t have to walk all the way back to Lime Street. Mind you I was so
delighted that if I wasn¹t so sensitive to the feelings of the locals, not
to mention my own self-preservation, I might have broken into a Gene Kelly
impersonation. I stared longingly at the occupants snugly ensconced in every
passing cab and couldn¹t believe my luck when some took pity on me. It
didn¹t come as a surprise to find the cab occupied by two Dubliners on their
way back to Manchester airport via Lime Street station, as I wouldn¹t have
expected such a kindly gesture from my own countrymen.

Naturally despite my protests they wouldn¹t even let me contribute to
the fare. I only hope their good karma ensures success against Switzerland
this weekend!