Post by Salem6 on Jul 13, 2005 5:07:54 GMT
The Fiver
12 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Blue Monday
* * * * * * * * * * * *
NO M-ESSIEN
Outlandish refereeing decisions, freakish zodiac alignments and
hostile wing-flapping by Peruvian butterflies: Lyon manager Gerard
Houllier has possibly spent the summer preparing all manner of
excuses for underachieving next season. He may have even rehearsed
saying: "I lost my best player only weeks after taking charge," and
if he did, what a relief it must have been for him to pick up today's
L'Equipe and see that his star midfielder, Michael Essien, has
delivered Chelsea a come-and-get me plea so brazen even Motley Crue
groupies will have blushed.
"I want to go," bawled the 22-year-old. "I've thought about it a lot
during my holidays and it is time for me to leave. For me, Lyon is
over." Lyon chairman Jean-Michel Aulas has already rejected a
GBP15.8m bid from Chelsea and vowed not to sell Essien at any price,
but the Ghanaian is determined to break that resolve. "I really hope
the president will not prevent me from taking that opportunity," he
shrieked. "I want to play in England and in Chelsea. In fact, in my
head I'm already at Chelsea."
In its head, the Fiver is a 10-foot tall lion-tamer with a discreet
harem and a bulging property portfolio but the tragic truth is no
amount of heel-digging will make that happen. That tactic does,
however, seem to be open to Essien, and just a day before Lyon fly to
South Korea to play in the Peace Cup, he stormed: "I won't go to
South Korea with the team, it is in my interest and the team's that I
leave."
The suspicion in France is that Essien will get his wish but only if
Chelsea up their bid to GBP30m, much of which would then be made
available to Houllier. And as we wonder just how many Bruno Cheyrous
he could get for that money, it would be remiss of us not to also
have a pop at Sir Alex Ferguson: he could have had Essien for free
five years ago, but committed the faux pas of telling him he would
spend his first season on loan at Antwerp. And went on to buy Eric
Dejmba-Djemba instead.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Is he trying to unsettle my entire team? I'm sick of it. It's time
for Celtic to come up with money for my players or keep out of my
affairs. How many more players and when does this end? The situation
has gone too far and I am sick of it. I'm getting the needle" - Harry
Redknapp's not really enjoying the attention Antti Niemi, Claus
Lundekvam and Paul Telfer have been attracting from Gordon Strachan
at Celtic.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Now that Julio Baptista has kicked sand in Arsenal's face, the Gunners
will train their sights on Monaco's Togolese striker Emmanuel
Adebayor.
"Forget Luis Figo, I want a big lad with a good touch; I want Peter
Crouch." At least, that's what the Fiver likes to imagine Rafa
Benitez saying as he dispatched Rick Parry southwards with GBP8m in
his pocket.
Ian Walker's greasy mop could soon be amusing crowds at Bolton,
Crystal Palace, Coventry, Portsmouth or Sunderland, depending on
which paper you read.
Manchester City will move for Feyenoord's Romeo Castelen should Shaun
Wright-Phillips find himself heading Chelsea's way.
And Notts County plan to spearhead their League Two campaign with
Singapore international striker Noh Alam Shah, who is due at Meadow
Lane for a trial.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Barcelona president Joan Laporta has apologised after stripping to his
underpants during an argument with security staff at the city's
airport. "I was just trying to sort out a situation that occurred
because the alarm kept going off," so-sorried Laporta, hopefully with
his trousers back on.
Bristol City striker Leroy Lita has agreed a GBP900,000 move to
Reading, while Portsmouth have added Gregory Vignal to their books.
Everyday I love you less and less: Bolton have ended their pursuit of
Kaizer Chiefs front-man Collins Mbesuma.
Liverpool, meanwhile, are set to give new goalkeeper Jose Reina his
competitive debut when they begin their Big Cup defence against TNS
tomorrow night.
Tottenham's Thimothee Atouba is in Hamburg for a medical and should
complete a move before the end of the day. There'll be bunting
outside White Hart Lane tonight...
And Micky Adams, clearly unfazed by his experience of foreign jaunts
at Leicester, has taken Coventry's squad on a pre-season tour to
Ibiza.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
The Tampa Tribune's Daniel Ruth on what MU Rowdies fans can expect
from Malcolm Glazer:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1526100,00.html
Small Talk discusses skimpy kits, Belgian beer and prosthetic ears
with Garth Crooks:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1517450,00.html
Check out our ultimate guide to the Premiership's summer transfers so
far: football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1525510,00.html
Get your Nightclub Patricks while you still can before our Laurent
Robert gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1517210,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: All the latest from St Andrews and
Mike Selvey on the third NatWest Challenge match.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"How come Graeme Souness is still available at 11-2 to be sacked
first? The bookies must know something that we don't. He's in the
same managerial form that won him so many friends at Torino and left
Blackeye Rovers in a position where they had to institute a
Rollerball policy in an effort to slug their way to Premiership
safety. Maybe it's the gambling equivalent of a loss leader? You pop
in to put a tenner on Souness and before you know it you've bet the
house on one of Robbie Fowler's horses" - Matt Goddard.
"Has no one noticed on that Steven-Gerrard-wearing-an-Everton-kit
photo that the lad in question actually has no feet? Honestly, that
was around months ago" - Thomas Murray-Rust.
"Looks like Southampton are about to do it again. Can any other team
match their track record for selling useless, overpriced English
strikers? Crouch, Davies and Beattie for GBP20m" - J Jones.
"Used 35mm film canisters, supplied by local film processors, are
handed out by our council to be used as portable ashtrays. Smokers
can then take their butts home with them and 'Keep Australia
beautiful'" - Jean.
"Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. The Sevilla centre-back Dr Pablo
Alfaro, aka the dirty genius, could use one to cover his thumb in the
interest of good hygiene the next time he decides to rectally examine
an opponent" - Jim Baron.
"I was driving in my car on Saturday, deciding whether to put on an
old New Order tape or National Public Radio ( NPR). I chose NPR and
who did I hear being interviewed on It's Only A Game? None other than
Fiver editor Sean Ingle. Surely this must win me the free T-shirt! -
Rob Hisnay [No, but nice try Rob - Fiver ed].
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the day will win a classy
T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Matt
Goddard.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Five Football Replay - Celtic v Liverpool (4.20am)
"I was living in Portsmouth and, at 19, going through an 'older
women' phase," reckons today's petty dumper, Geoffrey Vine. "Dream
time when I scored a woman of about 40 at the pub.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (7pm)
"The next week I won the office sweep for the first uncouth youth to
date the cute 16-year-old who had joined the typing pool straight
from school.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"I took her to a movie, then walked her home. As we strolled up the
path, she looked through the window and said, 'Oh look, Mummy's home.
Come in and meet her.'
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"I looked, I mumbled something, and I fled.
Newstalk (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"You have to draw a line somewhere." Fancy making your shameful
dumping tales public knowledge? Send 'em to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked This Is Actually About A Friend Of Mine, Honest.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
HOT HOT HEAT
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
12 July 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Blue Monday
* * * * * * * * * * * *
NO M-ESSIEN
Outlandish refereeing decisions, freakish zodiac alignments and
hostile wing-flapping by Peruvian butterflies: Lyon manager Gerard
Houllier has possibly spent the summer preparing all manner of
excuses for underachieving next season. He may have even rehearsed
saying: "I lost my best player only weeks after taking charge," and
if he did, what a relief it must have been for him to pick up today's
L'Equipe and see that his star midfielder, Michael Essien, has
delivered Chelsea a come-and-get me plea so brazen even Motley Crue
groupies will have blushed.
"I want to go," bawled the 22-year-old. "I've thought about it a lot
during my holidays and it is time for me to leave. For me, Lyon is
over." Lyon chairman Jean-Michel Aulas has already rejected a
GBP15.8m bid from Chelsea and vowed not to sell Essien at any price,
but the Ghanaian is determined to break that resolve. "I really hope
the president will not prevent me from taking that opportunity," he
shrieked. "I want to play in England and in Chelsea. In fact, in my
head I'm already at Chelsea."
In its head, the Fiver is a 10-foot tall lion-tamer with a discreet
harem and a bulging property portfolio but the tragic truth is no
amount of heel-digging will make that happen. That tactic does,
however, seem to be open to Essien, and just a day before Lyon fly to
South Korea to play in the Peace Cup, he stormed: "I won't go to
South Korea with the team, it is in my interest and the team's that I
leave."
The suspicion in France is that Essien will get his wish but only if
Chelsea up their bid to GBP30m, much of which would then be made
available to Houllier. And as we wonder just how many Bruno Cheyrous
he could get for that money, it would be remiss of us not to also
have a pop at Sir Alex Ferguson: he could have had Essien for free
five years ago, but committed the faux pas of telling him he would
spend his first season on loan at Antwerp. And went on to buy Eric
Dejmba-Djemba instead.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Is he trying to unsettle my entire team? I'm sick of it. It's time
for Celtic to come up with money for my players or keep out of my
affairs. How many more players and when does this end? The situation
has gone too far and I am sick of it. I'm getting the needle" - Harry
Redknapp's not really enjoying the attention Antti Niemi, Claus
Lundekvam and Paul Telfer have been attracting from Gordon Strachan
at Celtic.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Now that Julio Baptista has kicked sand in Arsenal's face, the Gunners
will train their sights on Monaco's Togolese striker Emmanuel
Adebayor.
"Forget Luis Figo, I want a big lad with a good touch; I want Peter
Crouch." At least, that's what the Fiver likes to imagine Rafa
Benitez saying as he dispatched Rick Parry southwards with GBP8m in
his pocket.
Ian Walker's greasy mop could soon be amusing crowds at Bolton,
Crystal Palace, Coventry, Portsmouth or Sunderland, depending on
which paper you read.
Manchester City will move for Feyenoord's Romeo Castelen should Shaun
Wright-Phillips find himself heading Chelsea's way.
And Notts County plan to spearhead their League Two campaign with
Singapore international striker Noh Alam Shah, who is due at Meadow
Lane for a trial.
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Barcelona president Joan Laporta has apologised after stripping to his
underpants during an argument with security staff at the city's
airport. "I was just trying to sort out a situation that occurred
because the alarm kept going off," so-sorried Laporta, hopefully with
his trousers back on.
Bristol City striker Leroy Lita has agreed a GBP900,000 move to
Reading, while Portsmouth have added Gregory Vignal to their books.
Everyday I love you less and less: Bolton have ended their pursuit of
Kaizer Chiefs front-man Collins Mbesuma.
Liverpool, meanwhile, are set to give new goalkeeper Jose Reina his
competitive debut when they begin their Big Cup defence against TNS
tomorrow night.
Tottenham's Thimothee Atouba is in Hamburg for a medical and should
complete a move before the end of the day. There'll be bunting
outside White Hart Lane tonight...
And Micky Adams, clearly unfazed by his experience of foreign jaunts
at Leicester, has taken Coventry's squad on a pre-season tour to
Ibiza.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
The Tampa Tribune's Daniel Ruth on what MU Rowdies fans can expect
from Malcolm Glazer:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1526100,00.html
Small Talk discusses skimpy kits, Belgian beer and prosthetic ears
with Garth Crooks:
sport.guardian.co.uk/smalltalk/story/0,13852,1517450,00.html
Check out our ultimate guide to the Premiership's summer transfers so
far: football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1525510,00.html
Get your Nightclub Patricks while you still can before our Laurent
Robert gallery:
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1517210,00.html
And in tomorrow's 60p Guardian: All the latest from St Andrews and
Mike Selvey on the third NatWest Challenge match.
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"How come Graeme Souness is still available at 11-2 to be sacked
first? The bookies must know something that we don't. He's in the
same managerial form that won him so many friends at Torino and left
Blackeye Rovers in a position where they had to institute a
Rollerball policy in an effort to slug their way to Premiership
safety. Maybe it's the gambling equivalent of a loss leader? You pop
in to put a tenner on Souness and before you know it you've bet the
house on one of Robbie Fowler's horses" - Matt Goddard.
"Has no one noticed on that Steven-Gerrard-wearing-an-Everton-kit
photo that the lad in question actually has no feet? Honestly, that
was around months ago" - Thomas Murray-Rust.
"Looks like Southampton are about to do it again. Can any other team
match their track record for selling useless, overpriced English
strikers? Crouch, Davies and Beattie for GBP20m" - J Jones.
"Used 35mm film canisters, supplied by local film processors, are
handed out by our council to be used as portable ashtrays. Smokers
can then take their butts home with them and 'Keep Australia
beautiful'" - Jean.
"Re: uses for a 35mm film canister. The Sevilla centre-back Dr Pablo
Alfaro, aka the dirty genius, could use one to cover his thumb in the
interest of good hygiene the next time he decides to rectally examine
an opponent" - Jim Baron.
"I was driving in my car on Saturday, deciding whether to put on an
old New Order tape or National Public Radio ( NPR). I chose NPR and
who did I hear being interviewed on It's Only A Game? None other than
Fiver editor Sean Ingle. Surely this must win me the free T-shirt! -
Rob Hisnay [No, but nice try Rob - Fiver ed].
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters to
the.boss@guardian.co.uk. The best letter of the day will win a classy
T-shirt from fiver.goalhanger.com/. Today's winner: Matt
Goddard.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV & RADIO
Five: Five Football Replay - Celtic v Liverpool (4.20am)
"I was living in Portsmouth and, at 19, going through an 'older
women' phase," reckons today's petty dumper, Geoffrey Vine. "Dream
time when I scored a woman of about 40 at the pub.
Sky Sports 1: Football Asia (7pm)
"The next week I won the office sweep for the first uncouth youth to
date the cute 16-year-old who had joined the typing pool straight
from school.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"I took her to a movie, then walked her home. As we strolled up the
path, she looked through the window and said, 'Oh look, Mummy's home.
Come in and meet her.'
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"I looked, I mumbled something, and I fled.
Newstalk (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"You have to draw a line somewhere." Fancy making your shameful
dumping tales public knowledge? Send 'em to the.boss@guardian.co.uk,
marked This Is Actually About A Friend Of Mine, Honest.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
HOT HOT HEAT
The Fiver was written by Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited (c) Guardian
Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and Wales. No.908396.
Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.