Post by Salem6 on Jun 1, 2005 15:52:51 GMT
The Fiver
01 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Token Slap,
and False Hope
* * * * * * * * * * * *
COLE, CHELSEA, MOURINHO: GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY
Until today, the Fiver assumed K3 and K5 were vast Himalayan peaks,
scalable only with oxygen masks and huge slabs of Kendal Mint Cake.
Peaks that were still slightly bitter about being in K2's shadow,
perhaps. But no. Instead they're FA rules regarding the tapping-up of
players - rules that Chelsea and Ashley Cole have been found guilty
of breaking following their illegal pow-wow at the Royal Park Hotel
in London, back in January.
Demonstrating the brevity for which his organisation is famed, an FA
suit breathlessly wheezed: "Chelsea were found to be in breach of
Rule K3 which prohibits a club making an approach to a contract
player either directly or indirectly without first obtaining
permission of the club to which he is under contract." Cole,
meanwhile, was found guilty of violating Rule K5, which - to save
everyone from another flabby and comma-less FA sentence - is K3 in
reverse.
The Special One wasn't able to escape the independent FA commission's
clutches either - he was found guilty of breaching Rule Q (something
pertaining to a manager's conduct, not MI6) after falsely claiming he
was in Milan "meeting Adriano" at the time. With more porkies than
you'd find in a Danish bacon factory flying around, you might expect
the guilty to get more than a token slap on the wrist. But news that
the commission is taking "statements of mitigation" from those
concerned suggests the Fiver, like the FA spokesman earlier,
shouldn't hold its breath.
*********************
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
*********************
THE NO WAGE TRAVELLER
Joy unbounded for Mizzes Betty Fowler of Seafield and Pauline Law of
East Calder, the lucky winners of GBP5 in Livingston's weekly lotto
draw! Scoff if you will, but the lucky ladies' combined booty is
worth a tenner more than plucky amateur footballer Hassan Kachloul
got for saving the club from relegation. At least that's the gospel
according to Livi, but rivals Dundee smell a rat and today called on
the SPL to establish whether the Moroccan was being paid for his
troubles. Because if he was taking the Livi dollar, the club could be
relegated after all.
Kachloul was allowed to join struggling Livi last March despite the
transfer window being closed, because he signed as an amateur. But
some in Scottish football immediately found the notion of him playing
purely out of the goodness of his heart stranger than the enduring
appeal of Rod Stewart. Now Dundee have voiced their doubts because on
the last day of the season, Kachloul set up the Craig Easton goal
that consigned them to the drop.
However, Livi emphatically deny any wrongdoing. "We signed him on an
amateur form and that was passed by both the SFA and the SPL," barked
a defensive club suit. "The only thing we would have paid him would
have been expenses which he was due." In the face of such fury, a coy
Dees lackey whimpered that the club is not sure how far they're
willing to push their luck: "There would have to be a prospect of
genuine benefit for Dundee and Scottish football before we would take
the situation further. We don't want our fans to have to endure a
roller-coaster ride of emotions or raise false hope amongst them."
After the season they've just had? Heaven forbid.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Celebrate the start of Euro 2005 with our new women's football blog:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
In tomorrow's 60p Guardian: John Rawling on Ricky Hatton's next
opponent, Kostya Tszyu, plus all the latest news from the Lions Tour.
Are Liverpool really the worst Big Cup champs ever? The Knowledge has
the answer and more:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1496157,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I was determined to shake it off, despite the discomfort. Running on
sheer adrenaline wasn't a problem" - broken-footed Dietmar Hamann
proves that playing a Big Cup final with an injury is no big deal.
Unless of course you're Australian.
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
Valencia have balked at the thought of spending GBP7.8m plus a weekly
hairband allowance on Milan Baros.
However, Liverpool still intend dealing with Los Che; Rafa Benitez
will flaunt his Big Cup medal around the Mestalla, pinching Pablo
Aimar in the process.
In the meantime, Rafa plans to have new deals agreed with Steven
Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, Djimi Traore and Didi Hamann before the
Reds return for pre-season training.
Not only does busy Martin Jol hope to send Pedro Mendes to Porto in
exchange for Benni McCarthy, but he also has Real Madrid reject Luis
Figo in his sights.
Given Arsene Wenger's desperation to get Arsenal a good goalkeeper, it
seems strange that he's planning to swoop for penalty-scoring
Sporting Lisbon stopper Ricardo.
At least the Frenchman may sleep a little easier tonight, given
Barcelona's interest in Thierry Henry could be scuppered by growing
divisions in Barca's board.
Stuart Pearce wants to bring either Lens' John Utaka or Rennes'
Alexander Frei to Man City and it'll be a brave man who tells him he
can't. Right?
Relegated with Leeds last season and relegated with Levante this term,
Ian Harte could now bring his lucky boots to West Ham or Sunderland.
In a bid to bounce back from their play-off final defeat, Preston are
preparing to move for North End old boy Ricardo Fuller, who's on his
way out of Portsmouth ...
...while Pompey could bolster their forward line with Livorno's
Lithuanian star Tomas Danilevicius.
And fresh from signing Rangers winger Bojan Djordjic, Plymouth Argyle
now have their eyes on out-of-contract pair Bruce Dyer and
Olafur-Ingi Skulason.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Richard Williams on how the new Wembley appears to be rising above its
disastrous beginnings:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1496356,00.html
Live life in the unemployed lane with the greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Charlton's first signing of the summer will be GBP3m Ipswich striker
Darren Bent, while Sheffield United have bagged Watford's Danny
Webber for GBP500,000.
THFC will find out if they've managed to jimmy open the Euro Vase
back door at half-time during England's women's Euro 2005 match
against Finland on Sunday evening.
And the Northern Ireland Nil squad to face Germany at Windsor Park on
Saturday is: Taylor (Birmingham), Ingham (Wrexham), Clyde (Wolves),
Murdock (Crewe), Craigan (Motherwell), McCartney (Sunderland), Baird
(Southampton), Gillespie (unattached), No! No! No! No! No! We Want To
March Down That Road Paisley-Fiver (Fiver Towers), Johnson
(Birmingham), Davis (Aston Villa), Whitley (unattached), Mulryne
(unattached), Elliott (Hull), Healy (Leeds), Jones (Crewe), Smith
(Preston), Kirk (Northampton), Quinn (Sheff Wed), Feeney (Luton).
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"You must be doing something right when every fan who writes in (Peter
Hart yesterday, all United fans) seems to think you are irredeemably
biased against their club" - Dave Holme.
"For all the bitter dullards who complain that Liverpool aren't good
enough to win Big Cup, maybe they should steer clear of a sport as
unpredictable and exciting as football and stick to something like
pre-Alonso F1? I imagine the AC Milan v Juventus final in 2003 was
the pinnacle of football mathematics for these Arsene Wenger-loving
droids" - Oliver Milman.
"Please refrain from printing any more letters from 'misunderstood'
Americans such as Kevin Pugliese [yesterday's Fiver letters]. The
claim that you 'Brits' need to take notice of fans in this country
was bad enough, but the poor grammar and the, needless, punctuation,
were, too, much" - C.R. Miller.
"I live in Australia and love it but have to confess to my continual
disappointment with the local intellect. Take Paul Studowzka in
yesterday's Fiver, who completely missed the point of the letter he
was complaining/being typically smug about. The original letter
praised Aussie sportsmen and basically expressed the wish that
Kewell, Viduka et al would be world beaters if they followed the same
work ethic. As usual Aussies can't take even the merest hint of
criticism about their sportsmen. I thought I had left this vitriolic
rubbish behind in the US" - Stuart Holden, Sydney.
"I was surprised the BBC pundits had the audacity to sneer at the
American commentary of the England v Colombia game at full-time last
night. This coming from the corporation which employs Jonathan
Pearce" - Huw Rees.
"Re: your news in brief item (Alan 'We're back where we belong' Pardew
is 7-1 joint-favourite with William Hill to be the first Premiership
manager sacked next season.) I've heard of Alan Pardew, but whom does
this William Hill fellow manage?" - Several hundred of you.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
1,000-word rants - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mondial (6.30pm, 10.30pm, 1.30am)
"Hillsborough, 1984. FA Cup second replay: Sheffield Wednesday v
Everton. Both previous games had been close and another was
expected," recalls Stuart Goodacre, kicking off another of your tales
about terrace eccentrics.
International Football Special (7pm)
"At the start of the second half, Everton were 5-0 up and the
Wednesday team, led by Lee Chapman, trooped back onto the field
having had a half-time morale-boosting peroration by Howard
Wilkinson.
British Eurosport: Live U21 Football - France v Italy (9pm)
"The entire Wednesday faithful were silent, with only one shrill
voice renting the air of the cold Yorkshire night.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"The screams of 'Go on Chaps! Come on Chappers! Come on! Come on!
Come on!' were accompanied by frenetic clapping that a Duracell
flipper would be proud of.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"And who was this wild optimist? None other than Leslie Ash, thespian
and Chapman's belle. To make matters worse, a Wednesday fan turned to
me and said: 'Fookin' 'ell, her again? She's like this every game.'
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"Still, I suppose it's better than having fish lips." A strange
celebrity supporter raises the bar somewhat and not before time. If
you've encountered weird fan behaviour at a sports event, then we
want to hear about it. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk marked: Weird
Science.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I WAS IN TV RECEPTION, WAITING FOR A TAXI WHICH I COULD NOT AFFORD
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited
(c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and
Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.
01 June 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Token Slap,
and False Hope
* * * * * * * * * * * *
COLE, CHELSEA, MOURINHO: GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY
Until today, the Fiver assumed K3 and K5 were vast Himalayan peaks,
scalable only with oxygen masks and huge slabs of Kendal Mint Cake.
Peaks that were still slightly bitter about being in K2's shadow,
perhaps. But no. Instead they're FA rules regarding the tapping-up of
players - rules that Chelsea and Ashley Cole have been found guilty
of breaking following their illegal pow-wow at the Royal Park Hotel
in London, back in January.
Demonstrating the brevity for which his organisation is famed, an FA
suit breathlessly wheezed: "Chelsea were found to be in breach of
Rule K3 which prohibits a club making an approach to a contract
player either directly or indirectly without first obtaining
permission of the club to which he is under contract." Cole,
meanwhile, was found guilty of violating Rule K5, which - to save
everyone from another flabby and comma-less FA sentence - is K3 in
reverse.
The Special One wasn't able to escape the independent FA commission's
clutches either - he was found guilty of breaching Rule Q (something
pertaining to a manager's conduct, not MI6) after falsely claiming he
was in Milan "meeting Adriano" at the time. With more porkies than
you'd find in a Danish bacon factory flying around, you might expect
the guilty to get more than a token slap on the wrist. But news that
the commission is taking "statements of mitigation" from those
concerned suggests the Fiver, like the FA spokesman earlier,
shouldn't hold its breath.
*********************
ADVERT
Win GBP10,000 with Observer Food Monthly and Seeds of Change. Enter
your picture in our photography competition inspired by the phrase
"Feed your imagination". observer.guardian.co.uk/seedsofchange
*********************
THE NO WAGE TRAVELLER
Joy unbounded for Mizzes Betty Fowler of Seafield and Pauline Law of
East Calder, the lucky winners of GBP5 in Livingston's weekly lotto
draw! Scoff if you will, but the lucky ladies' combined booty is
worth a tenner more than plucky amateur footballer Hassan Kachloul
got for saving the club from relegation. At least that's the gospel
according to Livi, but rivals Dundee smell a rat and today called on
the SPL to establish whether the Moroccan was being paid for his
troubles. Because if he was taking the Livi dollar, the club could be
relegated after all.
Kachloul was allowed to join struggling Livi last March despite the
transfer window being closed, because he signed as an amateur. But
some in Scottish football immediately found the notion of him playing
purely out of the goodness of his heart stranger than the enduring
appeal of Rod Stewart. Now Dundee have voiced their doubts because on
the last day of the season, Kachloul set up the Craig Easton goal
that consigned them to the drop.
However, Livi emphatically deny any wrongdoing. "We signed him on an
amateur form and that was passed by both the SFA and the SPL," barked
a defensive club suit. "The only thing we would have paid him would
have been expenses which he was due." In the face of such fury, a coy
Dees lackey whimpered that the club is not sure how far they're
willing to push their luck: "There would have to be a prospect of
genuine benefit for Dundee and Scottish football before we would take
the situation further. We don't want our fans to have to endure a
roller-coaster ride of emotions or raise false hope amongst them."
After the season they've just had? Heaven forbid.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Celebrate the start of Euro 2005 with our new women's football blog:
blogs.guardian.co.uk/euro2005/
In tomorrow's 60p Guardian: John Rawling on Ricky Hatton's next
opponent, Kostya Tszyu, plus all the latest news from the Lions Tour.
Are Liverpool really the worst Big Cup champs ever? The Knowledge has
the answer and more:
football.guardian.co.uk/theknowledge/story/0,13854,1496157,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * * *
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I was determined to shake it off, despite the discomfort. Running on
sheer adrenaline wasn't a problem" - broken-footed Dietmar Hamann
proves that playing a Big Cup final with an injury is no big deal.
Unless of course you're Australian.
*********************
RUMOUR MILL
Valencia have balked at the thought of spending GBP7.8m plus a weekly
hairband allowance on Milan Baros.
However, Liverpool still intend dealing with Los Che; Rafa Benitez
will flaunt his Big Cup medal around the Mestalla, pinching Pablo
Aimar in the process.
In the meantime, Rafa plans to have new deals agreed with Steven
Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, Djimi Traore and Didi Hamann before the
Reds return for pre-season training.
Not only does busy Martin Jol hope to send Pedro Mendes to Porto in
exchange for Benni McCarthy, but he also has Real Madrid reject Luis
Figo in his sights.
Given Arsene Wenger's desperation to get Arsenal a good goalkeeper, it
seems strange that he's planning to swoop for penalty-scoring
Sporting Lisbon stopper Ricardo.
At least the Frenchman may sleep a little easier tonight, given
Barcelona's interest in Thierry Henry could be scuppered by growing
divisions in Barca's board.
Stuart Pearce wants to bring either Lens' John Utaka or Rennes'
Alexander Frei to Man City and it'll be a brave man who tells him he
can't. Right?
Relegated with Leeds last season and relegated with Levante this term,
Ian Harte could now bring his lucky boots to West Ham or Sunderland.
In a bid to bounce back from their play-off final defeat, Preston are
preparing to move for North End old boy Ricardo Fuller, who's on his
way out of Portsmouth ...
...while Pompey could bolster their forward line with Livorno's
Lithuanian star Tomas Danilevicius.
And fresh from signing Rangers winger Bojan Djordjic, Plymouth Argyle
now have their eyes on out-of-contract pair Bruce Dyer and
Olafur-Ingi Skulason.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE
Sign up now for our FREE news alerts and get the latest FREE headlines
direct and FREE to your desktop:
www.guardian.co.uk/alerts/0,15907,1457082,00.html
Richard Williams on how the new Wembley appears to be rising above its
disastrous beginnings:
football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,1496356,00.html
Live life in the unemployed lane with the greatest internet sports
games ever:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Charlton's first signing of the summer will be GBP3m Ipswich striker
Darren Bent, while Sheffield United have bagged Watford's Danny
Webber for GBP500,000.
THFC will find out if they've managed to jimmy open the Euro Vase
back door at half-time during England's women's Euro 2005 match
against Finland on Sunday evening.
And the Northern Ireland Nil squad to face Germany at Windsor Park on
Saturday is: Taylor (Birmingham), Ingham (Wrexham), Clyde (Wolves),
Murdock (Crewe), Craigan (Motherwell), McCartney (Sunderland), Baird
(Southampton), Gillespie (unattached), No! No! No! No! No! We Want To
March Down That Road Paisley-Fiver (Fiver Towers), Johnson
(Birmingham), Davis (Aston Villa), Whitley (unattached), Mulryne
(unattached), Elliott (Hull), Healy (Leeds), Jones (Crewe), Smith
(Preston), Kirk (Northampton), Quinn (Sheff Wed), Feeney (Luton).
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"You must be doing something right when every fan who writes in (Peter
Hart yesterday, all United fans) seems to think you are irredeemably
biased against their club" - Dave Holme.
"For all the bitter dullards who complain that Liverpool aren't good
enough to win Big Cup, maybe they should steer clear of a sport as
unpredictable and exciting as football and stick to something like
pre-Alonso F1? I imagine the AC Milan v Juventus final in 2003 was
the pinnacle of football mathematics for these Arsene Wenger-loving
droids" - Oliver Milman.
"Please refrain from printing any more letters from 'misunderstood'
Americans such as Kevin Pugliese [yesterday's Fiver letters]. The
claim that you 'Brits' need to take notice of fans in this country
was bad enough, but the poor grammar and the, needless, punctuation,
were, too, much" - C.R. Miller.
"I live in Australia and love it but have to confess to my continual
disappointment with the local intellect. Take Paul Studowzka in
yesterday's Fiver, who completely missed the point of the letter he
was complaining/being typically smug about. The original letter
praised Aussie sportsmen and basically expressed the wish that
Kewell, Viduka et al would be world beaters if they followed the same
work ethic. As usual Aussies can't take even the merest hint of
criticism about their sportsmen. I thought I had left this vitriolic
rubbish behind in the US" - Stuart Holden, Sydney.
"I was surprised the BBC pundits had the audacity to sneer at the
American commentary of the England v Colombia game at full-time last
night. This coming from the corporation which employs Jonathan
Pearce" - Huw Rees.
"Re: your news in brief item (Alan 'We're back where we belong' Pardew
is 7-1 joint-favourite with William Hill to be the first Premiership
manager sacked next season.) I've heard of Alan Pardew, but whom does
this William Hill fellow manage?" - Several hundred of you.
Want to get something off your chest? Send your letters - a paragraph
at most please, our sub-editor doesn't want to spend his day reading
1,000-word rants - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Fifa Futbol Mondial (6.30pm, 10.30pm, 1.30am)
"Hillsborough, 1984. FA Cup second replay: Sheffield Wednesday v
Everton. Both previous games had been close and another was
expected," recalls Stuart Goodacre, kicking off another of your tales
about terrace eccentrics.
International Football Special (7pm)
"At the start of the second half, Everton were 5-0 up and the
Wednesday team, led by Lee Chapman, trooped back onto the field
having had a half-time morale-boosting peroration by Howard
Wilkinson.
British Eurosport: Live U21 Football - France v Italy (9pm)
"The entire Wednesday faithful were silent, with only one shrill
voice renting the air of the cold Yorkshire night.
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"The screams of 'Go on Chaps! Come on Chappers! Come on! Come on!
Come on!' were accompanied by frenetic clapping that a Duracell
flipper would be proud of.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"And who was this wild optimist? None other than Leslie Ash, thespian
and Chapman's belle. To make matters worse, a Wednesday fan turned to
me and said: 'Fookin' 'ell, her again? She's like this every game.'
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
"Still, I suppose it's better than having fish lips." A strange
celebrity supporter raises the bar somewhat and not before time. If
you've encountered weird fan behaviour at a sports event, then we
want to hear about it. Email the.boss@guardian.co.uk marked: Weird
Science.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I WAS IN TV RECEPTION, WAITING FOR A TAXI WHICH I COULD NOT AFFORD
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Paul Doyle. Guardian Unlimited
(c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England and
Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester.