Post by Salem6 on Apr 22, 2005 15:25:16 GMT
The Fiver
22 April 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Bowler Hats,
and Girls Aloud
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SQUABBLING ON THE SABBATH
Let's be honest: this season's Premiership has been so bland even the
Stereophonics are probably bored. Chelsea wrapped up the title by
February; Charlton, Middlesbrough and Aston Villa have
under-performed more than the Fiver after a night on the Tin, yet
remain in the top 10, while even Manchester City are only four points
- four points! - off a Euro Vase spot. So (bowler) hats off to
ecumenical double act The Queen's Celtic and Glasgow O'Rangers for
turning this season's Scottish Premierleague into an absolute
humdinger.
The Lord's Day, naturally, sees the two sides go head-to-head at
Ibrox. Celtic hold a two-point lead and O'Rangers boss Alex McLeish -
making liberal use of Sir Fergie's Mind Games For Dummies - reckons
the Hoops' greater experience makes them favourites. Martin O'Neill,
however, isn't convinced. "O'Rangers have been over the course
themselves," he insisted, adjusting his sash. "I know they've changed
personnel ... but they've a lot of players with big experience - try
telling Barry Ferguson that he's not been over the course and he'd
give you short shrift."
But surely the big news ahead of Sunday's game is that sewer-mouthed
rat-boy Craig Bellamy is pledging not to be so "nice". Which could
prove difficult for a striker who has more bust-ups than Jordan to
his name. "Last time we played Rangers I was very disappointed with
my own performance," he grimaced, clenching his fists into pallid
balls. "I think I got caught up in everything that was going on
around the game. I was too involved in trying to be a nice guy on the
pitch, and I can't play like that." Hmm, what price the red mist
descending?
*********************
SPECIAL OFFER FOR FIVER READERS
Fancy getting a whopping 60% off a yearly subscription to FourFourTwo?
Then click here:
www.qssa.co.uk/haymarket/template/subsorder.asp?title=FFT&source=gu45
*********************
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"It's not a war. What are they going to do, kill me? If someone wants
to do something stupid then lock them up because I've got no time for
violent people. The only threats I've had this week have been from
the wife for not doing the washing up" - Harry Redknapp makes light
of his return to Fratton Park this weekend.
*********************
FERGIE FLUSTERED
In much the same way that it's not up to the Fiver to decide who the
assorted members of Girls Aloud go to bed with at night, it is not up
to Sir Alex Ferguson to decide who will be the next manager of
Manchester United. Indeed it could be argued that, give or take four
restraining orders (sorry Nicola), both non-scenarios are virtually
identical. So imagine our astonishment this morning when the Sun
reported that Sir Alex had "told" the United board he wants Roy Keane
to be the next boss - instead of Carlos Queiroz.
Even more amazing was the revelation, upon closer inspection, that the
usually-candid red-top may have been exaggerating. It seems Fergie
had merely said that he "would like" to see Roy Keane taking over
whenever the Old Trafford stewards finally get around to prising him
out of the red-brick dugout he calls home.
"It's nonsense. I wouldn't presume to have the authority to make these
decisions," said the man who appointed Cardinal Ratzinger as the new
Pope not long after calling a general election. "What I said - as I
have always said - is that Keane has got the potential to be a
manager if he wants. He is taking his badges and it all seems quite
straightforward."
But nothing is ever straightforward when Manchester United are
involved and Sir Alex was equally dismissive of the rumours about him
trading Ruud van Nistelrooy for Michael Owen. "The idea that we would
tout the best forward in Europe around is such rubbish it's hardly
worth commenting on," he commented. And in the time it takes a very
brave journalist to say: "Better than Andriy Shevchenko, Thierry
Henry and other forwards in Europe who've scored more than two goals
in 10 games since Christmas?", Sir Alex had slunk off, possibly to
ring George Dubya and order the withdrawal of American troops from
Iraq.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Mateja Kezman could be tapping them in from a yard out for PSV next
season.
Liverpool are being linked with another Valencia face: Pablo Aimar.
And Joaquin's Mr10% reckons the Joaquin-to-Chelsea deal is not dead.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Gordon Strachan says hard-tackling has nothing to do with thuggery:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1466119,00.html
James Richardson on the rise and fall of the Roma empire:
football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,15758,1465859,00.html
Win retro adidas gear!
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1457192,00.html
Play games until your fingers bleed. Then carry on:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
"County cricket, it seems, exists entirely for the entertainment of
old men. Smiling in the carefree way of the happily retired, they
bask serenely in the sun, occasionally nattering or reading,
occasionally applauding a good shot." Paul Doyle slips into a
Deerstalker and spends the day at Lord's:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/comment/0,10070,1466602,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Mark Hughes has intensified the controversy over the Robbie Savage's
tunnel bust-up in midweek by suggesting that punches were thrown by a
member of Crystal Palace's coaching staff.
Nottingham Forest are launching an investigation into reports that up
to a dozen of their players got smashed in a Nottingham bar. That's
all they need, etc. and so on.
Fabien Barthez has taken his comedy career to new heights: he's been
banned for three months for spitting at a referee when Marseille
played Casablanca in February. In a friendly.
And Southampton have taken extra security measures in preparation for
Harry Redknapp's return to Portsmouth on Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT: BLUE SQUARE
Open an account and place a bet on any upcoming games and we'll give
you a free GBP25 bet.
www.bluesq.com/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Not that there's anything wrong with Marion, a fine band (though
another terrible name, the mark of a true Britpop band, I guess) who
released a fine album and were superb supporting Morrissey on his
1995 UK tour. But it's a bit of a surprise to see their lyrics
regurgitated at the end of a football email. I guess what this really
boils down to is a) is there a prize, and b) how many more of these
can I spot?" Ben Hendy, Southampton.
"Marion, why? What next? Shed Seven? Menswear? Sleeper? I can't be
alone in saying that any more lyrics from rubbish Britpop bands may
result in the cancelling of my subscription. Although I'll let you
have Gene who were pretty good for a Smiths tribute band" - Rory
Jiwani.
"Ashley Cole has forgotten one crucial difference between footballers
and us mere laymen in his attempt to be allowed to talk to Chelsea.
Because he's presumably deemed a capitalised asset by Arsenal, with
his worth depreciated on an annual basis, they have the right to
recoup his worth if/when he goes. That's why a footballer can't hand
in his notice and enjoy some garden leave whenever he likes. Whereas
the rest of us are easily replaced and so can skip off for free at
the end of four weeks of net-surfing!" - Kevin Carter.
"I'm sure Elvis Costello will be delighted to see his fine lyrics
highlighted in last night's Fiver. Not as much as Nick Lowe, though,
since he was the one responsible for actually writing the song.
Still, never let a bit of research interfere with a good opening
gambit - Alistair Moffat (and seven other muso-pedants).
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
"Right, I'm bored of hearing about all those fat layabouts who have
got nothing better to do than read the Fiver," scoffs Bill Taylor.
Premier League Preview Show (7pm)
"I happen to have to work long hours for very little pay - and have
to concentrate."
Sky Sports 3: Live FA Youth Cup - Ipswich v Southampton (7.30pm)
Have any better ideas, Bill?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"I would far prefer to hear about peoples' sporting accidents,
preferably ones that really hurt.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"At least I would derive some level of comfort and satisfaction
then."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Can you oblige? Send your sporting accident stories - the more
painful or amusing the better - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked I
Could See The Bone.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THIS TIME LAST WEEK, BULLETS WAS IN HIS HOT TUB AND HE WASN'T ALONE...
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Barry Glendenning. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester
M60 2RR
22 April 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football
guardian.co.uk/football
In today's Fiver: Bowler Hats,
and Girls Aloud
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SQUABBLING ON THE SABBATH
Let's be honest: this season's Premiership has been so bland even the
Stereophonics are probably bored. Chelsea wrapped up the title by
February; Charlton, Middlesbrough and Aston Villa have
under-performed more than the Fiver after a night on the Tin, yet
remain in the top 10, while even Manchester City are only four points
- four points! - off a Euro Vase spot. So (bowler) hats off to
ecumenical double act The Queen's Celtic and Glasgow O'Rangers for
turning this season's Scottish Premierleague into an absolute
humdinger.
The Lord's Day, naturally, sees the two sides go head-to-head at
Ibrox. Celtic hold a two-point lead and O'Rangers boss Alex McLeish -
making liberal use of Sir Fergie's Mind Games For Dummies - reckons
the Hoops' greater experience makes them favourites. Martin O'Neill,
however, isn't convinced. "O'Rangers have been over the course
themselves," he insisted, adjusting his sash. "I know they've changed
personnel ... but they've a lot of players with big experience - try
telling Barry Ferguson that he's not been over the course and he'd
give you short shrift."
But surely the big news ahead of Sunday's game is that sewer-mouthed
rat-boy Craig Bellamy is pledging not to be so "nice". Which could
prove difficult for a striker who has more bust-ups than Jordan to
his name. "Last time we played Rangers I was very disappointed with
my own performance," he grimaced, clenching his fists into pallid
balls. "I think I got caught up in everything that was going on
around the game. I was too involved in trying to be a nice guy on the
pitch, and I can't play like that." Hmm, what price the red mist
descending?
*********************
SPECIAL OFFER FOR FIVER READERS
Fancy getting a whopping 60% off a yearly subscription to FourFourTwo?
Then click here:
www.qssa.co.uk/haymarket/template/subsorder.asp?title=FFT&source=gu45
*********************
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"It's not a war. What are they going to do, kill me? If someone wants
to do something stupid then lock them up because I've got no time for
violent people. The only threats I've had this week have been from
the wife for not doing the washing up" - Harry Redknapp makes light
of his return to Fratton Park this weekend.
*********************
FERGIE FLUSTERED
In much the same way that it's not up to the Fiver to decide who the
assorted members of Girls Aloud go to bed with at night, it is not up
to Sir Alex Ferguson to decide who will be the next manager of
Manchester United. Indeed it could be argued that, give or take four
restraining orders (sorry Nicola), both non-scenarios are virtually
identical. So imagine our astonishment this morning when the Sun
reported that Sir Alex had "told" the United board he wants Roy Keane
to be the next boss - instead of Carlos Queiroz.
Even more amazing was the revelation, upon closer inspection, that the
usually-candid red-top may have been exaggerating. It seems Fergie
had merely said that he "would like" to see Roy Keane taking over
whenever the Old Trafford stewards finally get around to prising him
out of the red-brick dugout he calls home.
"It's nonsense. I wouldn't presume to have the authority to make these
decisions," said the man who appointed Cardinal Ratzinger as the new
Pope not long after calling a general election. "What I said - as I
have always said - is that Keane has got the potential to be a
manager if he wants. He is taking his badges and it all seems quite
straightforward."
But nothing is ever straightforward when Manchester United are
involved and Sir Alex was equally dismissive of the rumours about him
trading Ruud van Nistelrooy for Michael Owen. "The idea that we would
tout the best forward in Europe around is such rubbish it's hardly
worth commenting on," he commented. And in the time it takes a very
brave journalist to say: "Better than Andriy Shevchenko, Thierry
Henry and other forwards in Europe who've scored more than two goals
in 10 games since Christmas?", Sir Alex had slunk off, possibly to
ring George Dubya and order the withdrawal of American troops from
Iraq.
*********************
THE RUMOUR MILL
Mateja Kezman could be tapping them in from a yard out for PSV next
season.
Liverpool are being linked with another Valencia face: Pablo Aimar.
And Joaquin's Mr10% reckons the Joaquin-to-Chelsea deal is not dead.
* * * * * * * * * * *
STILL WANT MORE?
Gordon Strachan says hard-tackling has nothing to do with thuggery:
football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1466119,00.html
James Richardson on the rise and fall of the Roma empire:
football.guardian.co.uk/continentalfootball/story/0,15758,1465859,00.html
Win retro adidas gear!
football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,8555,1457192,00.html
Play games until your fingers bleed. Then carry on:
sport.guardian.co.uk/thegear/story/0,12490,1073461,00.html
"County cricket, it seems, exists entirely for the entertainment of
old men. Smiling in the carefree way of the happily retired, they
bask serenely in the sun, occasionally nattering or reading,
occasionally applauding a good shot." Paul Doyle slips into a
Deerstalker and spends the day at Lord's:
sport.guardian.co.uk/cricket/comment/0,10070,1466602,00.html
* * * * * * * * * * *
NEWS IN BRIEF
Mark Hughes has intensified the controversy over the Robbie Savage's
tunnel bust-up in midweek by suggesting that punches were thrown by a
member of Crystal Palace's coaching staff.
Nottingham Forest are launching an investigation into reports that up
to a dozen of their players got smashed in a Nottingham bar. That's
all they need, etc. and so on.
Fabien Barthez has taken his comedy career to new heights: he's been
banned for three months for spitting at a referee when Marseille
played Casablanca in February. In a friendly.
And Southampton have taken extra security measures in preparation for
Harry Redknapp's return to Portsmouth on Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * * *
ADVERT: BLUE SQUARE
Open an account and place a bet on any upcoming games and we'll give
you a free GBP25 bet.
www.bluesq.com/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * *
FIVER LETTERS
"Not that there's anything wrong with Marion, a fine band (though
another terrible name, the mark of a true Britpop band, I guess) who
released a fine album and were superb supporting Morrissey on his
1995 UK tour. But it's a bit of a surprise to see their lyrics
regurgitated at the end of a football email. I guess what this really
boils down to is a) is there a prize, and b) how many more of these
can I spot?" Ben Hendy, Southampton.
"Marion, why? What next? Shed Seven? Menswear? Sleeper? I can't be
alone in saying that any more lyrics from rubbish Britpop bands may
result in the cancelling of my subscription. Although I'll let you
have Gene who were pretty good for a Smiths tribute band" - Rory
Jiwani.
"Ashley Cole has forgotten one crucial difference between footballers
and us mere laymen in his attempt to be allowed to talk to Chelsea.
Because he's presumably deemed a capitalised asset by Arsenal, with
his worth depreciated on an annual basis, they have the right to
recoup his worth if/when he goes. That's why a footballer can't hand
in his notice and enjoy some garden leave whenever he likes. Whereas
the rest of us are easily replaced and so can skip off for free at
the end of four weeks of net-surfing!" - Kevin Carter.
"I'm sure Elvis Costello will be delighted to see his fine lyrics
highlighted in last night's Fiver. Not as much as Nick Lowe, though,
since he was the one responsible for actually writing the song.
Still, never let a bit of research interfere with a good opening
gambit - Alistair Moffat (and seven other muso-pedants).
**********************
TONIGHT'S TV AND RADIO
Sky Sports 1: Soccer AM's All Sports Show (6pm)
"Right, I'm bored of hearing about all those fat layabouts who have
got nothing better to do than read the Fiver," scoffs Bill Taylor.
Premier League Preview Show (7pm)
"I happen to have to work long hours for very little pay - and have
to concentrate."
Sky Sports 3: Live FA Youth Cup - Ipswich v Southampton (7.30pm)
Have any better ideas, Bill?
BBC Radio Five: Sport on Five (7pm)
"I would far prefer to hear about peoples' sporting accidents,
preferably ones that really hurt.
Talksport: Kick Off (7pm)
"At least I would derive some level of comfort and satisfaction
then."
Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm)
Can you oblige? Send your sporting accident stories - the more
painful or amusing the better - to the.boss@guardian.co.uk, marked I
Could See The Bone.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SUBSCRIBE TO THE FIVER
You can subscribe and unsubscribe at
www.guardian.co.uk/football/fiver
* * * * * * * * * * * *
CONTACT THE FIVER
If you want to contact the Fiver, email the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
* * * * * * * * * * *
THIS TIME LAST WEEK, BULLETS WAS IN HIS HOT TUB AND HE WASN'T ALONE...
The Fiver was written by Sean Ingle and Barry Glendenning. Guardian
Unlimited (c) Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005. Registered in England
and Wales. No.908396. Registered office: 164 Deansgate, Manchester
M60 2RR